Feature on hometown college baseball player

Hey all, hoping some people can give me some feedback on this feature. I need to turn it in tomorrow, and I want to make sure I get everything out of the story that I can. So any comments and suggestions would be great.

Also, I'm probably going to need to shed a few words, maybe 50-100. It's 850 right now, and will be just a little big, I believe. Thanks for the help.

Marshall High School baseball coaches Steve Fleck and Blaine Schnaible used to recline inside a shed at Independence Park as the sun faded and talk about their days as baseball players for Southwest State University. Nothing special, just casual conversation between a couple seasoned baseball men.
All the while, though, a young ballplayer was listening and peppering the two with questions, trying to learn all he could about NCAA baseball. And from those conversations, nine-year-old Nate Baumann’s love for baseball took off.
“Nate used to love to sit around and listen to us coaches talk,” Fleck said. “His eyes were as big as can be.”
A decade later, Baumann is beginning to craft his own tales of baseball glory. And what stories they are shaking out to be.
Baumann, a 2007 graduate of Marshall High School, is in his second season with the Williamsville College Vikings, and has already made his impression at the collegiate level. The 6-foot-1 outfielder made the 2008 All-North Central Conference Team in his freshman season after leading the Vikings with eight home runs, 33 RBI and a .400 batting average.
“That gave me a huge confidence boost,” Baumann said. “I found out a lot about myself as a baseball player last year. It gave me confidence that I’m able to play at this level. Everything is working out.”
For Fleck, there was never any doubt that Baumann’s natural talent could translate into Division II material. He first met Baumann while coaching in the Marshall Area Youth Baseball Association and has since worked with him as a coach in VFW leagues and as an assistant coach with the Marshall Tigers.
“Since he’s been young, nobody’s worked harder,” Fleck said. “Nate was one of the last guys to leave practices, and he always wanted extra batting practice to get a few more swings in.”
But then, baseball has never exactly been a chore for Baumann, as Fleck recalls.
“When Nate was 10, 11 years old, nobody had more fun at the ball field,” Fleck said. “It didn’t matter if it was practice, if it was a game, or whether you were winning or losing. The sport was always fun for him.”
Fun enough that being away from baseball even when injured isn’t an option for Baumann. Last summer, he injured his wrist in a game with the Marshall A’s, and was unable to play.
But not unable to support his club, it turns out.
“He would still go to the games, knowing he wasn’t going to play,” Fleck said. “He would go just to be there. It’d be so easy for a kid at the collegiate level to say, ‘I don’t need to go. I’ve got something else to do.’”
Halfway through his sophomore campaign, things continue to fall into place for Baumann, and as a result, the entire club.
Baumann is batting .373 this season and again leads Williamsville with six home runs and 23 RBI. The Vikings are 16-10 overall and 6-3 in the Northern Sun Intercollegiate Conference. A year ago, the team finished 13-30 overall, while going 8-15 in the NCC.
Prior to the 2009 season – the Vikings’ first in the NSIC – Williamsville was picked to finish 11th in the conference in the preseason coaches poll. But through nine conference games, the Vikings are sixth in the NSIC and have already handed preseason favorite Wayne State its first conference loss.
On a team that returned 21 letterwinners from last year and starts six seniors, Williamsville first-year head coach Tim Huber leaves no room for speculation as to who the Vikings’ leader is.
“We’re going to go kind of like Nate goes,” Huber said. “If he’s swinging it well, we follow. He’s a guy who can certainly hit the ball over the fence, and that can change the game.”
While Baumann may have snuck up on opponents in 2008 – he went 3-for-4 with four RBI in his debut – this season, it’s safe to assume he’s been on the radar of NSIC pitchers. That, along with the pressure of following up his stellar freshman year, briefly weighed on Baumann.
“I was really nervous coming back this year, especially with the year I had last year,” Baumann said. “But at the same time, I just think of it as baseball. I try to take it game by game the whole year.”
But when his college games run out, what’s in store for Baumann?
“That’s the million-dollar question,” Huber said. “I’ve talked to some scouts about him, and he’s got a shot (at the major leagues). Tool-wise, he’s got the things scouts are looking for.”
For Baumann, however, it’s all about staying in the moment.
“I can't think of any other place I'd rather be," Baumann said. "The life of a college baseball player – it doesn’t really get much better than that, especially on a team that’s scrappy and winning. I’m a pretty lucky guy right now.”
Game by game, remember?

 

Maybe it's just me, but I need a little context here. What were they doing in the shed? Is that where they went after practice or something? And was it just the two coaches and a 9-year-old child unrelated to either of them? That seems weird. Where were his parents?

Also, the bolded part is a sentence fragment, and it's "a couple of seasoned baseball men."

The last line of the story doesn't add any value and it should go.

 

Thanks, Pirates. I revised the lead a bit using your comments.

Years ago, Marshall Area Youth Baseball Association coaches Steve Fleck and Blaine Schnaible liked to sit back inside a shed at Independence Park after practices and talk about their days as baseball players for Southwest State University. It was just casual conversation for a couple of seasoned baseball men.
But one of their younger ballplayers kept coming over to sit with them, listening and peppering the two with questions, trying to learn all he could about NCAA baseball. And from those conversations, nine-year-old Nate Baumann’s love for baseball took off.

 

That's an excellent revision!

I always always try, though, to get exact dates. If absolutely necessary, a phrase like "in the early 1980s" is fine, but "years ago" doesn't cut it. You probably know the exact date, too, since you know Baumann was nine.

 

Just read the whole thing again. It`s good. A few thoughts:

1) Watch for hyperbole. Some examples: A) "A decade later, Baumann is beginning to craft his own tales of baseball glory. And what stories they are shaking out to be." He's a D-II sophomore whose best story is that he made the All-North Central Conference Team...not exactly a "what glorious stories he has!" type of thing. I know how the line came about - you needed a transition from the lede - but think about how a cynical old guy who's been watching local sports for 60 years would read your prose. B) Avoid phrases like "the coach leaves no room for speculation as to who the Vikings’ leader is" or "being away from baseball even when injured isn’t an option for Baumann." They sound adulatory. Measure your implicit praise; express it through the words of your sources, and attribute it to them, rather than doing praising of your own. Your point could've been expressed just as well if you'd said "The team returned 21 letterwinners and starts six seniors. But the sophomore Baumann is its leader, said first-year coach Tim Huber."

2) I usually try to avoid rhetorical questions unless they're a stylistic device in a big feature.

3) I know many of these stories have to be banged out quickly, but consider opportunities to deepen them with additional reporting. Fine, Huber says Baumann's the leader. Does the top senior agree? A quote from him of any sort - "I've been here two more years, but Nate's more vocal than any of us old guys," or "We've got a lot of leaders, so I wouldn't single Nate out, but he brings a work ethic that's been a much-needed example for all of us" - would've filled out the story. You wrote, "While Baumann may have snuck up on opponents in 2008 – he went 3-for-4 with four RBI in his debut – this season, it’s safe to assume he’s been on the radar of NSIC pitchers." You could've called a good pitcher Nate has dinged up to ask him what makes him such a tough out. In general: you're rarely going to be able to do all the reporting you COULD do for most of your stories, but always be thinking about ways to bring your readers more insight and more depth, perspectives you can include but haven't yet. And talking to five people is always, always better than talking to three.

4) Make sure nothing you write goes unexplained. You write that Huber leaves no doubt Nate is the leader, then quote him as saying, "We’re going to go kind of like Nate goes,” Huber said. “If he’s swinging it well, we follow. He’s a guy who can certainly hit the ball over the fence, and that can change the game.” So did he merely mean that Nate leads by hitting the ball well? Or was he talking about "leadership" in the traditional sense? It's not clear here.

Again, I think you've done a generally good job! Thanks for posting.

 

Agree on the last line. Ending with the quote seems fine.
There's plenty of places where you can tighten this up. Like here:

That can become this:

Just a few small edits that make it flow a little better.

 

I also liked the lede. That's a neat story. Even if, as FDP said, a 9-year-old hanging out in a shed with a couple of grown men raises some questions.
But this caught my eye toward the end of the story:

Good job addressing his future prospects. But he's a loooonnnng way from the major leagues. He's got 2 1/2 more years of college ball. And then IF he gets drafted or signs a free agent deal (no sure thing at a small D-II school) probably another three or four years in the minors before he sniffs a call-up. Minimum.
Axe the major leagues reference and use (pro ball) if you must. Personally, I think the quote can stand by itself without the bit in parentheses. In fact, for a story on a college sophomore that whole paragraph can probably be chopped (especially if you're trying to cut 100 words or so).

For an alternate ending, you could have also asked Baumann about going into coaching when he's done playing. Guys like this, with a good head for the game, make great coaches farther down the line. You could have asked him a question about that, and how much the other two coaches inspired him to get on that track.
Keep that in mind if you write another story on him a year or two from now.