Facebook facepalms

I'd have to believe so. Neither of these people - from my experiences with them, anyways - would name a child after Ernest Hemingway or know who he is.

 

I'll post some gems from a teenage daughter of one of my wife's friends.

Well Wheree Too Startt?..♥ It's Beenn 6 Monthss Todayy!♥ Babyy I Lovee Youu too Deathh! Andd I Hopee Il Alwayss be Ablee to call Youu Minee!♥ ;D We Havee Suchh Goodd Timess Togetherr Nadd I Alwayss Gett Thes biggest Smiless Onn Myy Facee Whenn I'm Withh You..Babyy I Thjnkk about Youu Evereyy secondd Off Thee Dayy!♥ Add Yourr Honeslyy Thee Bestt Thingg Thatt Everr Happendd Too Mee!♥ O7312O11'♥
-Yourrs Forever Alanaa♥

 

Another one from the little Shakespeare.

‎- danqqqqqqq mann i feell lkkee itss beenn likee decadess sincee ivee beenn onn heree likee thee last timee wass 1672. ! : D haa but danqq, i miss thee heckk outtaa youu &&'all thee stupudd thinqss wee doo. ( ; hahaa all thee qreatt timess wee havee toqetherr weree wee juss lauqhh i dont thinkk wee havee hadd a momentt likee thatt sincee i left. ) : but youu knoww i lovee youu &&'yourr thee bess cuzzyy inn thee wholee widee worldd. ! ♥ shoott, youu knowww imm alwayss heree forr youu. ! ( : no matterr whatt (thatss whenn yoyrr supposedd too qoo i, i, i... knoww, i knoww austiee statuss. !) hahaa ( : but i supposee ill hopp off thiss noww. lovee youu babess. ! ( :

 

Stitch, assuming the girl learned speech patterns at home, I can only conclude that your wife's friend is tres hot.

 

I try to post as much stupid crap as I can. Stupid stuff for a stupid medium.

 

Your conclusion is correct.

 

Wowww

 

See, Facebook gives you a little window into other peoples lives, and that guy sounds like he lives a movie script. That's the perfect guy to follow on on Facebook. I'd never drop him.

I have definitely seen a few great Facebook meltdowns. A few years ago a guy I went to high school with basically lived out all the steps of his divorce on his Facebook status over the course of about a month. It was all "I love you baby. I don't care what they say. We'll always be together." Followed 10 minutes later by "I think it's just not working any more. I never thought i could stop loving you." Rinse and repeat for a month. Hundreds of posts. It was fascinating. Weird, but interesting.

Another guy went from the typical "women don't women ever like the nice guy" shtick (which was funny b/c this guy's not a "nice guy." He's a jackass, a mentally challenged, redneck dumbass) to "I met the woman of my dreams" a day or two later. Within a month he was posting pictures of her son saying taking on the role of the boy's father and exchanging Facebook posts with her family explaining how much he loved her. And two weeks after that, she left him for the boy's father and women sucked again because they never pick the nice guy. Three months after that, he knocked some other chick up and got married.

I love Facebook for that kind of fucked up stuff.

 

This honestly scares me. What if someday I have a kid that's this stupid? I don't know if I could handle that. I read something awhile back about how today's children will inherently have a higher IQ than my generation and older generations have. I sometimes find that incredible.

I've even seen worse updates than this. I've seen whole conversations where I can't make out 25% of the conversation, like it's literally in another language. I fight the good fight by never shortening words like "you" or "are" or "you're" on Facebook or in text messages.

 

That's good to know. I believe we as a society have lost some appreciation for the dumb hot chick. Sure, we still look at them, but we have forgotten the entertainment we can derive from listening or reading. For instance, the two of my wife's friends who, in the mid-2000s, were discussing whether their computers had Google.

 

No matter how fucked up one's life is at a particular moment, there's always a Facebook friend of theirs who is worse off. It always makes me feel better. I have problems, more than usual, presently, but I'm not going to air them on Facebook.

 

TPAWWOP ... of at least the mom.