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Everyone's favorite New Year's Day game: The EFF BEE EYE Bowl

Discussion in 'Sports and News' started by Junkie, Jan 2, 2011.

  1. Junkie

    Junkie Member

    In honor of the 20th anniversary of the greatest guy film of all time, “Point Break,” we bring you
    , as broadcast by the Double-You Double-You Ell's Monday Night Football crew.

    Tirico: Grommet in the slot … Bodhi Sattva takes the snap … he throws down the middle to Rosie. Whoa, it’s the old hook-and-lateral. Rosie pitches to Roach who takes it the rest of the way for a touchdown. … It looked like Rosie might have gotten away with a push-off there.
    Jaworski: Well-designed play there. They’d have known it was coming if they’d studied some film. Like I did.
    Gruden: Bodhi Sattva is a great player. So are Rosie and Roach.

    Tirico: Let’s take a look at the mechanics that make Johnny Utah …
    Gruden: So great?
    Jaworski: On film?
    Tirico: Yes.

    (Various shots of Utah taking snaps and throwing quick passes)

    Jaworski: Johnny Utah has the classic drop-back style. If there are any drawbacks, it’s that his footwork makes it seem like he’s running in sand; and he really should vary his cadence. He's starting every play on 'one.' Eventually the defense is going to time that up. I noticed he does that while I was studying film.
    Gruden: Yeah, but Utah is a great player.

    Tirico: Utah, takes the snap, play-action … Utah hides the ball … Sattva doesn't know where the ball is … Utah throws deep to Nathanial, who has it for the touchdown. What a play!
    Jaworski: Look at the frustration on Bodhi Sattva's face after that play. He has an “I can't believe how good this guys is” look. I’ve studied film and never seen a look like that.
    Tirico: Let’s throw it down to Suzy Kolber for some false excitement. Sooz?
    Kolber: Thanks, Mike. Johnny Utah learned to do that play-action fake at Ohio State, which he attended on a full scholarship to law school. Graduated Phi Beta Kappa. Isn’t that exciting?
    Jaworski: I graduated Phi Beta Kappa in film study.
    Gruden: Utah is just a great football player.

    Tirico: Sattva, three-step drop, hits Tyler Ann Endicott on the quick slant. Endicott is gone. A little too much Vincent Jackson on Endicott's celebration there. I’d like to meet up with Endicott at an office party. Is there a table around here?
    Jaworski: They ran that play in practice this week, which I attended and studied. Like film.
    Gruden: Tyler Endicott is a great football player. Just a great football player.

    Tirico: Utah drops, he pumps, pumps again. Good coverage downfield. He’s hit as he throws. The pass falls incomplete. Sattva was all over him there. Utah’s lucky he avoided the sack. Sattva gave some kind of primal surfer scream at the end of the play, as if to say “HEY, JOHNNY – SEE YOU IN THE NEXT LIFE!”
    Gruden: Great play by everyone there.
    Jaworski: Up until then, Utah had been doing a great job of avoiding the rush. Too bad he couldn’t do a better job of avoiding

    Tirico: Let’s go down to Michelle Tafoya for a report on Utah’s condition after that big hit from Bodhi Sattva. Michelle?
    Tafoya: I represent the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild.

    Tirico: Sattva takes the snap, and pitches to Young Grommet. Grommet's gonna throw. Oh, and Sattva is wide-open up the left sideline!!! Grommet’s got him. Sattva avoids a tackler ... he’s got Utah to beat ... And Utah takes him down hard out of bounds.
    Jaworski: Don’t you think that’s a little of out of line?
    Gruden: Great, great football players. Making great football plays. Great.
    Tirico: Credit Utah for the hustle there. He shed four downfield blocks.
    Jaworwski: I studied that play on film. Did I mention I do film study before these games? What a well-designed play, almost like they drew it up in the sand. And somehow Utah, who was playing run all the way, recovers to come off four blocks downfield – in a five-on-five game – before making his touchdown-saving tackle. Whoever drew up that play – with the picket line of blockers, who must have done some sort of leapfrog maneuver to get more players downfield than they started the play with – must have studied film. I studied it on film. If all this stuff came from, say, a film, I’d have studied it.

    Let’s go back to Suzy for more false excitement. Sooz?
    Kolber: THIS IS AWESOME!!! We’re here with JOE NAMATH. … Joe, how do you feel about Johnny Utah? Speak into the microphone, squidbrain!
    Namath: I want to play ‘Mike Tirico and production assistant’ with you.
    Kolber: Why don’t you fuck off. Get away from me.

    Epilogue …

    Yes, Johnny Utah really knew how to play after getting that “football scholarship to (and ‘graduating Phi Beta Kappa’ from) law school.” Tough not to wonder if current Ohio State quarterback Terrell Pryor will play football with surfers someday.

    Bodhi: Whoa, whoa, whoa, cool it, Roach, don't you know who this is?
    Roach: No, I don’t know who this is.
    Bodhi: This is Terrell Pryor, Ohio State Buckeyes, all-Conference, remember?
    Grommet: No. 2, man, how you doin’? Nice to meet ya.’
    Roach: Terrell Fuckin’ Pryor. Sorry, man. Didn’t mean to get in your face.
    Bodhi: Man, I knew I knew you. Three years ago in the Sugar Bowl, you beat Arkansas, right?
    Tyler: You? You did this?
    Roach: That was one hell of a game.
    Pryor: Actually, no. We got drilled. Like every time we play an SEC team.
    Bodhi: You got kicked out after that or something, right.
    Pryor: Suspended. Got my priorities folded back about 90 degrees in the wrong direction.
    Bodhi: That’s why you didn’t go pro?
    Pryor: Nah. No talent. That, and I sold a bunch of rings and gear for some major cash. Didn’t want to go through life without learning rules and stuff, so I went to law school instead. I’ll never have to rob banks, that’s for sure.”
  2. BYH

    BYH Active Member


    That is inspired stuff. Especially the Rush Rush dig. Outstanding.
  3. Bubbler

    Bubbler Well-Known Member

    All my life, I thought I was lucky for never having seen Point Break, but now when I really needed Point Break knowledge, I couldn't fully appreciate Junkie's brilliance. Thank God for that Youtube link, so I at least grasped most of it.

    Jon Gruden says Junkie made a great post, though Ron Jaworski is frustrated because he can't do film study on Junkie's deleted posts.
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