Ethan Albright -- worst rated player on Madden -- Calls out John! (funny)

i'm glad jeff added the (funny) or else i wouldn't have realized it. thanks jeff!

 

That was conceivably one of the funniest things I've ever read. I had to get up and walk away from it for a brief period to keep myself from dying.

Just to give a taste for anyone interested in clicking, here's my favorite graph ...

It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly shit and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. Fuck, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of shit teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?

 

Helplessly shit and piss myself....


God damn, speaking of...

 

I had people in the office laughing their asses off with that sentence alone...

 

That line alone had people here in my office wondering if I was going to be alright. It seems I had turned red with trying to hold my laughter in so that I wouldn't disturb my fellow colleagues.

 

Washington just had a punt blocked out of the end zone for a safety. Albright was the long snapper. I blame him.

 

Did Albright just fall into the fetal position after snapping the ball, like his 52 awareness rating would indicate?

 

An underrated gem.