ESPN's DUMBEST STAT EVER

Suicide squeeze and flea flicker.

 

Interesting.

Please rewrite the following sentences to comply with your style:

"The Phillies took a 3-2 lead in the top of the ninth inning when Jimmy Rollins scored on a suicide squeeze by Chase Utley."

"The Colts' Super Bowl III loss to the Jets will forever be immortalized by one play in particular: the flea-flicker in which Baltimore quarterback Earl Morrall never saw a wide-open Jimmy Orr and instead threw an interception into double coverage."

 

Suicide squeeze and flea fdlicker are not even close to walk-off (fill in the blank).

Walk-off anything is just a bad cliche (not that there are any good ones) especially when, two days before Marco Scutaro's "walk-off home run" off Rivera, some ESPN moron said the A's won in the 11th Friday night on "Bobby Kielty's (or was it Crosby's?) walk-off grounder."

 

"The Phillies took a 3-2 lead in the top of the ninth inning when Jimmy Rollins squeezed home Chase Utley from third."

 

Rollins squeezed Utley? That'd been funny to see.

 

I was trying to think between "bunted home" or "squeezed home", and "bunted home" doesn't carry the same meaning without saying all of it.

 

They're kinky fucks, those Phillie guys.

 

I heard someone squeezed John Kruk extra hard. (ducks)

 

Once you pop, you can't stop

 

And with that, SportsJournalists.com Man Nation quits searching for rulers and doubles over in pain.

I'd like to write a story for SC just to fuck with her. (have fun with that quote monkeys!!!)

SC'S TOWN--One batter after a failed suicide squeeze, Joe Blow hit a walk-off homer to lead Podunk High to a 12-11 win over Nowhere High Tuesday.

Blow's flair for the dramatic is well-known: Last fall, as the QB of Podunk's football team, he threw a flea-flicker Hail Mary touchdown pass as time expired to give Podunk a 21-19 win over Yourmomsmells High in the state semis. And he took an alley-oop and slammed it home as time expired in Podunk's 67-66 win over West Beverly in December. Blow also eagled the par-5 ninth hole at Podunk CC last summer.

 

Not precise. And too wordy (all squeezes are done with a runner on third).

There is a safety squeeze and a suicide squeeze.

"Suicide" tells the reader that Utley was running with the pitch and was a --- warning, jargon coming! --- dead duck had Rollins not made contact with the pitch.

We all have certain terms we may not like. But personal biases are simply not a good enough reason to change terminology that has a clear meaning.