Entertain me

I've been away from SportsJournalists.com for the weekend and now I'm sitting in a jury service room awaiting to be called. Entertain me.

 

PS. my laptop battery is about to die, so be quick please.

 

This is what you get for registering to vote. Jury Duty. Enjoy!

 

You on the OJ jury?

 

Did you bring a book, too? War and Peace is always a solid choice.

 

No. I'm not allowed to talk about my case, if I have one or not.

Yes, but not War and Peace. I'll need it in short order with this battery life on life support.

 

Tell them you like soccer. That should get you out of there pronto.

 

So, finally, the Lone Ranger is caught by a group of renegade aboriginal people. His good friend, Tonto, is killed in the melee and our masked crusader is taken hostage.

Tied to a stake in the blazing Arizona sun, the tribe surrounds Mr. Ranger and the Chief walks up to him.

"Mr. Ranger," he says. "We have great respect toward you. You eluded us for years. Therefore, we shall grant you a wish."

The Long Ranger calls over his faithful steed, Silver, and whispers something in the horse's ear before it runs off toward the horizon. Six hours later, his faithful mount reappears with a naked blonde riding his bareback. The Tribe, obviously impressed, cheers. The Lone Ranger looks pissed and asks for another chance to talk to Silver.

"No problem," the Chief says. "Again, you have earned our respect. We plan on eating your heart."

So the Lone Ranger again calls his longtime friend Silver over and whispers something in the horse's ear. Again, his faithful mouth runs off and, again, it returns six hours later. This time with a striking, and naked, red head on his back. The Tribe cheers. The Long Ranger spits in disgust and asks for one more chance to talk to Silver. The Chief, looking annoyed agrees and, again The Ranger whispers something in Silver's ear and off the horse runs toward the horizon.

Six hours later, Silver appears again. This time with a naked brunette riding him side saddle. The Tribe cheers wildly. The Chief nods in approval and mutters, "You have good taste."

The Lone Ranger however, is at his wits end. And asks for one last conversation with Silver.

"OK," the Chief says, stroking the red head's fiery locks. "But this is it."

Silver walks over and leans his head down over his fallen master and friend of many campaigns. The Lone Ranger, severely dehydrated, manages to lift his head, one last time, to his trusted mount's ear.

"I said bring me the posse, you idiot."

 

I'll try that.

 

Quality hit, Granny.

 

Tell OJ hi for us

 

Shoot me now ... they just turned on Fox News.