elizabeth merrill

So it's now well established that some people liked the sentence and others didn't. Yet amid all the banter about it, I don't think anyone offered a concrete suggestion on how they would have edited the sentence. Truly, I'm curious how people would have salvaged the content of the sentence and smoothed over the alleged syntax faux pas.

 

Not sure FB is "bashing" her, but perhaps just throwing out the lede for discussion.

 

I leave for a couple of days and I miss maybe the funniest post in SportsJournalists.com history. A shame.

 

I'm not sure how I would have edited the second one, because I'm still not sure I know what it means. How does one in a million land on someone? I don't get it. I know what she's trying to say, but I'm not sure that was the way to say it, and without talking to her, as I would any writer I was editing, I don't think I'd make a suggestion.

The sentence before that, I agree with what someone else said. I understood it, it was just a little choppy, but that wasn't my main question. When the phone rang, those two things were sure to follow. I'm fine with that.

 

The phone rings in San Antonio, and Mandy Coolbaugh is torn. If she talks about her husband, she will inevitably dab her raw eyes again and open up the questions: Why a man could die in a place he loved so much? How one in a million could land on two lives that were just really starting? "[/]

The phone rings in San Antonio and Mandy Coolbaugh knows there will be questions about her husband. She will cry and wonder -- again -- how the game he loved so much could also take him from her.


How's that? Forgive me ... it's been a while.

 

The piece is overwritten, right from jump, which very often is the sin of the talented and inexperienced. And I expect nothing from editors on websites.
All's I'm saying.

 

It's a good story. It's not perfect and everyone here would have done it differently, but it's still a solid story.

Merrill has done great work since coming to ESPN.com. The Pokey Chatman stuff was terrific. (Admittedly, I didn't read her when she was in the Dust Bowl.)