EFF YEAH! The Higgs Boson! (But what the hell does it mean?)

Holy mother of fuck! The Higgs Boson, aka God Particle, has been discovered!

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/07/04/us-science-higgs-idUSBRE86008K20120704

Huzzah to the highest!

I know I should be crying with joy about this new step for mankind, except for one problem.

I have yet to come across any shred of information whatsoever that explains in layman's terms -- not the kind of impenetrable geek-ass wonk minutiae that physicists jack themselves off with -- how this means fuck-all to my life or anyone else's.

I mean, I've got a driveway with no flying car in it. Is that going to change? I can't teleport ... anywhere. Can we get someone on that? Can I take a vacation in the Tron world now? And I have never, to my knowledge, ejaculated chocolate frosting. Can I get a high sign if the Higgs Boson does that for me?

Don't get me wrong. I value intellectual curiosity for intellectual curiosities' sake as much as the next guy. I understand physics like a rat terrier understands the infield fly rule, but I at least get that it's an important field of study.

I am intellectually curious myself. Which is why I've read probably no less than 20-30 articles trying to explain to a schlep like me why the Higgs Boson is so important.

Other than the cool stories that claimed the super-collider would kill us all in a man-made black hole, I've got nothing but clicks and whistles.

Some of the stories go to hilarious pains to try and make this discovery "important!" to all of us. Such as this story from CBC which gives six reasons why our collective minds should be blown like an old Memorex TV ad.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/story/2012/07/04/f-god-particle-higgs-boson.html

To say that story was reaching a bit to try and get us to "get it" is an understatement. Peter Tosh had better ideas for legalizing weed in Legalize It, up to and including that birds eat it and ants love it.

The end of the story reads like one of my 8th grade book reports with a required word count. "I thought the book was very, very, very, very, very, very good."

"It could change how physics are taught in high school!"
"It's proof that long, hard work can pay off!"

HOLY SHIT! Based on those two points alone, I was so intellectually gobsmacked, that I went into a crazed naked sprint around my back yard screaming like a banshee ...

"The God Particle! The God Particle! IT WILL CHANGE HIGH SCHOOL!"

I'm sure the Higgs will have significant relevance at some point. Sure it will. I guess. Why not? Or not.

Either way, it would be helpful if the Dr. Bunsen Honeydew's in the scientific community would explain to the rest of the world why we should join in their circle-jerk. I'm not anti-intellectual, I just want to understand why I have suddenly morphed into the higher plain of existence this discovery supposedly harkens. Or whatever the fuck.

 

I didn't even know there was a Higgs car company. Is the Boson its compact model?

 

Sounds like they discovered the DNA of the Universe, similar to the discovery of the cell as the foundation of life.

 

It means that Dr. Dalton Millgate was right, and Sam Seaborn did the right thing.

RIP, Dr. Millgate.

 

Now that we have found God's particle, my main concern would be what happens if he wants it back.

 

I THINK that this is important because it validates a supposition in theoretical physics that was needed to keep the entire intellectual structure operable. In other words, no Higgs boson, maybe we have to go back to pre-Einstein and start over. Who'd wanna do that? No wonder they're excited.

 

All this is nice and all, but can Higgs Boson hit a curve ball?

 

As I understand it, the Standard Model is an explanation for the quantum mechanics running the universe at a subatomic level. While the theory is efficient, up until this point evidence has been sufficiently gathered for every theorized particle except for the most important one -- the Higgs Boson. According to the theory, the Higgs Boson is the particle that confers mass unto particles; without it's existence, all particles would be travelling everywhere at light speed all at once.

Beyond that, I just wish I had a better understanding of quantum mechanics to appreciate this news properly. I guess we'll just have to take their word for it that it's a big deal.

 

Higgs boson 101 - this video does a great job of explaining in laymen's terms what the Higgs boson is about wand why it is important

http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/video/2012/jul/03/what-is-a-higgs-boson-video

 

Thanks for that.