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(edited) AHL/NHL Feature on hometown player

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by the_rookie, Oct 17, 2007.

  1. the_rookie

    the_rookie Member

    Ryan Parent has always been a defenceman who has just gone about his business.

    He has no flashy contracts and no endorsement deals.

    Right now, Parent’s playing with in Philadelphia where he is playing defence in the American Hockey League (AHL) with the Philadelphia Phantoms, the direct affiliate team with the NHL’s Philadelphia Flyers.

    Like most players in the AHL, he’d rather be in the NHL with the big boys. But for now the six-foot-two, 201 pounder is not complaining.

    In the meantime, he’ll continue playing hockey and leave the decision to the coaches and the front office.

    “(The AHL is) a stepping stone in a developmental league,” said Parent, 20. “I guess whenever they feel I’m ready or if there’s any spots available, they’ll call you up when you’re ready.

    “For me, the sooner the better. I obviously want to get in there and play right away. From a career point of view, it might be better to wait a bit.”

    Humbly, Parent was quick to point out that it’s not a bad thing he’s starting out with the Phantoms this season.

    “Obviously, the coaches and GMs are making the moves that are best suited for my development,” said

    “I don’t have any choice in the matter. This is where I am. I’m not pouting about it at all. I’m just working hard.”

    Parent hopes his hard way will begin to pay off.

    Rather than attracting attention with lots of goals and assists, Parent’s stay-at-home defensive style will speak volume. Though it’s still early in the season, Parent has yet to record a goal or an assist.

    Of course, that’s just typical Parent. Last season as the captain of the Guelph Storm in the Ontario Hockey League he recorded 10 points (three goals and seven assist) in 43 games.

    The Phantoms have started the season off a good note by winning their first five games.

    In Parent’s first five games with the Phantoms his plus/minus is +2 and has more than 20 penalty minutes.

    “We’ve had a great start so far,” said Parent.

    The Flyers, meanwhile, are also doing well. In their first five games they’re 4-1, which is much better considering last year when they finished 22-48-12.

    Development is going to be a big thing for Parent. He’ll be trying to do it as quick as possible in case he gets the call to the Flyers, either this season or next.

    And when his time comes Parent is going to be a lot more comfortable.

    “I don’t think I’ll be quite as nervous as the first game,” said Parent of his first debut on April 5, 2006.

    Since being called to Philadelphia last spring when the Storm were eliminated from the play-offs, Parent has played 11 regular season games with the Phantoms.

    That experienced helped him at the Flyers training camp this summer. Despite his slim chances of making the Flyers’ roster, Parent still thinks it went well for him.

    “There were quite a few D-man, so it was tough to make it right off the start, the Flyers anyway.”

    After the camp concluded and exhibition games got underway, Parent got the feeling his shot with the Flyers would have to wait.

    Judging by the amount of defenceman and the ice time he received during exhibition games, he knew he was bound for the Phantoms.

    “We you come into camp, just having that little extra and knowing what to expect, you just feel a little more comfortable,” he said.

    Growing up as a boy playing hockey in Sioux Lookout, Parent always imagined himself playing for the Montreal Canadiens, not the Philadelphia Flyers.

    But hockey is a business. Parent really has no say in where he ends up or how he’ll be dealt. For now, he’s just happy to be one step closer to achieving every childhood hockey dream of playing in the NHL one day.

    One thing to be sure of is the longer Parent stays with either Phantoms or makes his step onto NHL ice again this season, his fan base in Sioux Lookout will increase over the years.

    “It’s pretty good, especially coming from small town. You really feel the support when you get back home…. I guess it’s a pretty good feeling when you got your hometown behind you.”
     
  2. Flash

    Flash Guest

    Rookie,
    Here are my thoughts.

    1. Try to make your lede a little more active ... as opposed to 'has been,' use 'is' ... and 'has gone,' use 'goes'
    2. Parent hopes his hard way will begin to pay off. You mean 'work,' instead of 'way'?

    Otherwise, solid work.
     
  3. friend of the friendless

    friend of the friendless Active Member

    Mr Rookie,

    Let me tell you, that stay-at-home defenceman is a long way from home. I think you're burying the colour in this story. S-Lookout is where the road ends. There's nothing past it. How the h-ll a kid gets to the brink of the NHL from there is a story. Small place, isolated, how did he get seen and end up in the OHL?(BTW I'm a fan. He was great for Canada the last two world juniors tho' over-shadowed by Marc Staal, his D partner.)

    YHS, etc
     
  4. the_rookie

    the_rookie Member

    We kind of already did a story on that; him making it to the NHL, that is. This is to feature his new season. Thanks for the advice.
     
  5. friend of the friendless

    friend of the friendless Active Member

    Mr Rookie,

    What if you asked him about the toughest shift of his life? (Dollars to doughnuts, SH 4-on-3 overtime vs US at world juniors ... he was on the far side of the ice from the bench, had to play the full two minutes, killing pressure.) You know, kids are expected to feel pressure moving from jr to pros, he's already been through a lot (two world jrs).

    YHS, etc
     
  6. jlee

    jlee Active Member

    Along with the good advice above. I'd rework the lede. It doesn't pass the "so what?" test.

    Some quotes ("We've had a great start so far") can be deleted. Others (“I don’t think I’ll be quite as nervous as the first game.”) leave me yearning for more information.

    Also, while being clear, try not to bog down sentences:

    Right now, Parent’s playing with defence in Philadelphia where he is playing defence in the American Hockey League (AHL) with the Philadelphia Phantoms, the direct affiliate team with the NHL’s Philadelphia Flyers.

    Watch your grammar, too. I don't know Canadian style, but I'm sure there's a few things that can be reworked.

    You have a good eye for the sport. Good luck and thanks for posting.
     
  7. Mayfly

    Mayfly Active Member

    The lede really didn't bring me into the story. I don't know of many defenseman who have flashy contracts or endorsement deals. It really doesn't bring anything to the table with a lot of cliched words like "big boys" and "speaking volume."

    Bring me into the story with a story about him in his younger days or after he delivered a large hit. Use his emotion to parlay into ours.
     
  8. friend of the friendless

    friend of the friendless Active Member

    Sirs, Madames,

    It is, for want of another description, an anti-dramatic lead. Which might be okay with a known name but not Ryan Parent.

    YHS, etc
     
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