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E-mail proof my mom's insane.

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by KJIM, Jun 6, 2007.

  1. KJIM

    KJIM Well-Known Member

    My mom is not normal, I know. She's 62 and just got back from playing in a softball tournament in Reno.

    Her childhood nickname came about because she bore a resemblance to a chimp on the Ed Sullivan show. I have pictures of her high-fiving a statue of Jimmy Carter. She calls her wallet “Blackie” and loses it all the time, once requiring a three-hour drive through Utah to hunt for it, only to have someone else discover it in the car. She called AAA because the car unlock button on her keychain wouldn't work and never thought to try the key. She called me once to ask if I had a spare key to my old car, which my brother had locked himself out of – and I live 1000 miles away.

    In short, I'll have no trouble committing her when and if the time comes.

    So I shouldn't be surprised I received the following e-mail from her, sent from her office.

    In full:

    “Just sold Marty my shoes off my feet for $15. They didn't fit me good. I am barefooted.”

    I don't know whether to laugh, cry or just hope it's not genetic.
  2. imjustagirl2

    imjustagirl2 New Member

    I want to become e-mail friends with your mom. Can she make it to the Dallas outing?
  3. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    Your mom sounds pretty cool, KJIM.

    62 and playing in a softball tournament in Reno? That rocks.

    Reno is as good a place to lose your wallet as any.
  4. StormSurge

    StormSurge Active Member

    Ha! Just like Kramer, when he sold his suit to Bania.
  5. slappy4428

    slappy4428 Active Member

    I had to look and see that this thread wasnt started by 21...
  6. Hope she has plenty of room in her inbox ...
  7. Not quite.
    Jerry was given an Armani suit by Bania for a meal.
    Kramer was returning a pair of pants when he slipped and fell in some mud ruining the very pants he was trying to return.
    From the "Van Buren Boys" episode.

    KRAMER: No, I slipped - and fell in the mud. Ruining the very pants I was about to return.

    ELAINE: (Reflects on the story) I don't understand.. you were wearing the pants you were returning?

    KRAMER: Well, I guess I was..

    ELAINE: (Still confused) What were you gonna wear on the way back?

    KRAMER: Elaine, are you listening?! I didn't even get there! (Pauses) All right, next story..

    ELAINE: Alright, I think I got enough for one day.

    KRAMER: Yeah, yeah, chew on that.
  8. StormSurge

    StormSurge Active Member

    I'll accept your apologies in advance. ;D

    From "The Secretary"

    JERRY: Kramer?

    KRAMER: Oh, Jerry, you got my clothes?

    JERRY: What clothes?

    KRAMER: Didn’t Elaine call you?

    JERRY: No.

    KRAMER: Well what are you doing here?

    JERRY: What am I doing here? You're in the women's dressing room. I need that ticket stub back so I can get my mother's fur coat out.

    KRAMER: Oh, the stub, yeah. I left it in my, my pants

    JERRY: Where are your pants?

    KRAMER: Well, I sold them to Bania.

    JERRY: What? You sold your pants to Bania. Let me in.

    (Kramer opens the door, Jerry goes in the dressing room. Kramer is standing there in his white boxer shorts and no shirt)

    JERRY: Why'd you sell your pants to Bania?

    KRAMER: ouhhh -- I had Uma Therman’s number written on that stub. I lost Uma’s number.

    JERRY: Where are your clothes?

    KRAMER: I told you I sold them to Bania.

    JERRY: You mean what you were wearing?

    KRAMER: Yeah.

    JERRY: How'd you expect to get out of here?

    KRAMER: Well, I didn’t think ahead.
  9. I stand corrected.

    My apologies.
    I completely forgot about that one.
  10. StormSurge

    StormSurge Active Member

    No worries!

    I'd also like to add that KJIM's sounds like a great woman. Share more stories!
  11. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    I am also a fan of puppies, boobs, Las Vegas and Brett Butler.

    Leave your mom alone.
  12. alleyallen

    alleyallen Guest

    Edith Bunker with sass and pizazz! She sounds cool.
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