DUI

Well, this weekend, for the first and last time in my life, I got to experience the joy of getting handcuffs placed on me and spending a night in a jail cell.

I guess this is how you're supposed to feel, but I'm profoundly, profoundly affected. Traumatized. To the point that I might eventually need to get some professional help. Not for drinking. I don't have a drinking problem. Not even close. I was actually at a close relative's house, trying a couple of craft/microbrews while watching the Nationwide NASCAR race. Just the two of us. I'm not mitigating the crime. Just giving some context. I'm on the other side of 30, with a family (this makes it worse in some ways). I don't go to bars. I don't chase skirts. I drink a beer when I grill maybe, or a glass of wine with Italian food.

Anyway, I just am having a difficult time dealing with the shame of this. I know how harshly a lot of people judge drinking and driving in our society, and rightfully so. I just wish they would judge the act and not the person. I found a "Yahoo Answers" thread on it, and this is typical of the responses:

"Because they are stupid and have less than no regard for human life. I think that the better question is, why aren't laws tougher for the idiotic scum that are caught drinking and driving."

At this moment, that's what I feel I am, and it has shaken me to my core. It feels like there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who would get behind the wheel after drinking. And those who wouldn't. And now I'm one of the former, and I feel like it is going to define me forever, no matter what else I might do in my life to display my character.

Anyway ... I'm wondering if anyone else here has ever gone through a DUI arrest and how you dealt with the psychological aftermath? And if you ever started to feel better about yourself again?

If we can mostly avoid the lectures about what a careless and idiotic person I am who has no regard for human life, that would be great. Then again, I guess if that's how you feel, have at it. Maybe it is therapy for me to at least have an accurate gauge of what people think about me now, and how far away redemption is - if it's in reach at all.

P.S. Sorry for the long post.

 

At least you didn't kill or maim anyone. My only advice is to experience the entire range of emotions to the fullest, deal with the consequences, and then move on.

 

Father's Day Eve; 1999

I'm single, making 50,000 a year, have had a brand new 1999 Mustang for about a month and loving everything about life.

8 of us decide to go to a local club in 2 separate cars. We close down the bar, leaving to go to another party around 2 am.

I'm following another car, as I'm not sure where this other house is.

I'm way past drunk.

Have no business driving.

We leave, the other car lost us, so in my drunken stupor, I think to myself....."Hey......maybe they're back at the bar"

Uh.....stupid.....bar's been closed an hour.

On the way out of the parking lot, there was a spot of gravel......I hit the accelerator....peel out.

Cop sees it.

Aw, fuck.

Officer Barbrady comes up......."Mr. Chef, you been drinking tonight?"

Chef; "I've had a couple"

Keep in mind, at this point, I'm about 8 blocks from my apartment.......

Officer Poncharelli; "Where you on your way to?"

Chef; "To a party"

Aw fuck again.

To make a short story long, got a diversion, officer screwed up the paperwork, record clean.

Did it change my life forever?

No.

It was a stupid mistake. One that countless millions of people have made. Do not let it dictate who you are, or what you do.

You are human.

You made a mistake.

Nobody was hurt.

You will be fine.

You will be fine.

 

Be careful beating yourself up too much. It's good to appreciate the gravity, but it's also important not to overdo it and lead to even more negative consequences.

All you can do is draw a line in the sand. You never thought you'd be a guy who did it. Now you have to be a guy who will never do it again.

 

What I did was a mistake.

10 years ago.

I've moved on with it.

Did I learn my lesson?

Yes.

Will I do it again?

No.

 

I'm not going to throw stones in a glass house here Dick. You're not a bad a person. The only difference between you and I is I have never been caught. But your story is an eye-opener for sure, not only for you, but for me. I read every word and thought how that could be me one day if I'm not careful.

 

Dick, I echo the "don't beat yourself up too much" sentiments. You sound like you have a proper level of remorse for what happened, and you're not trying to make excuses. That's a positive step. I've been there (eight years ago to the month). It sucks. I beat myself up for days upon days and it did me no good. A mistake was made. A lesson was learned. As long as you better yourself as a person through this experience, you'll be fine.

(Note: Never did get any calls from MADD.)

 

Its wrong but Chef is right. Don't beat yourself up but learn from the episode. To me it is no different than the guy who drives 90 in a 55. Reckless, irresponsible and deadly but nobody crucifies speedracer.

I never drive even after one beer and I don't get in a car with someone else who has been drinking. The cost of a cab is lot cheaper in the long run when you factor insurance as well as the court costs.