Drugs in the family

Just need a place to vent. If anyone has been through anything like this, I'd like to know how you or your family handled it and how it ended.

My 26-year-old cousin is a druggie and as of this moment is missing. Nobody in the family knows where he is and naturally I'm worried sick.

He had been living with our 81-year-old grandma until she found a syringe and spoon in the bathroom. When one of my aunts found out from a conversation with my grandma, well, her three daughters and one of my uncles went to her house. They called the cops. It's a small town, and Grandma wasn't going to get in any trouble, so they searched the house and found all kinds of crap (rubbing alcohol, Vasoline among other stuff) that indicated my cousin is into some pretty heavy shit. My aunts, mom and uncle packed up my cousin's stuff and put it in the carport. They changed the locks on the front door and back door. They hid his wallet outside, and my uncle taped a note to the door saying the cops had been there and if he wanted his wallet to give him a call.

Neighbors and cops are on alert. It looks like my cousin showed up that night because the note was gone, the gates to the backyard were left open and a couple bags in the carport were gone. A knife and a few lighters were found in the backyard by a neighbor the next day.

Grandma is going to hop around the place, living with her daughters (all live at least 100 miles away) until my cousin is found, and even then it's probably never going to be safe for her to live in her house of more than 40 years again.

My cousin had been in jail before and passed all his probation drug tests. Then probation ended, and we're sure the drugs started again immediately. His mom thought he was clean and even she can't get ahold of him. His dad died when he was 6 of cancer, and we knew he would have a tough life as alcoholism runs in the family. But none of us envisioned it would come to this.

My aunt's neighbor is a drug counselor, and she said my cousin essentially has two options in his life - hit rock bottom or death. Many of us tried to reach out to him. I once let him and his druggie girlfriend stay with us when he was in our city for a softball tournament. I told him if he ever wanted to relocate to get a fresh start, we could help him find a job and a place to stay. But it seems the only thing he has in his life are drugs. He was picked up for shoplifting a few weeks ago, probably stealing stuff to manufacturer drugs.

It just sucks, you know? He was a pretty stable kid through high school. Decent student, captain of the football team, held part-time jobs, etc. We often took him to football games or Royals games, and another cousin of mine (closer to his age) often invited him to Oklahoma football and basketball games. Now it looks like we will never see him again unless it's behind bars or at his funeral.

 

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't have experience in my family, but my longtime girlfriend had big problems last year and I was with her the whole way.

To make a long story short, her sister got real deep in heroin -- like, major deep. She stole a bunch of my gf's and her mom's things (jewelry, laptops, etc.) to sell to get money for the shit, lost her job, would go missing for days at a time (going downtown to get the smack). She had a bad boyfriend who was a loser and he was holding her down. My g/f finally told her parents (who are divorced) and they were shocked but knew something was weird.

But the story ends well, at least for now. Her sister got rid of the boyfriend, and has been going religiously to meetings. She doesn't drink, smoke weed or do anything else anymore. She met a mom at a meeting and became great friends with her, and actually lives with her now. She is doing real well, working as a waitress at a good restaurant and it's been great so far.

Interventions are key, but getting professional help is the main thing. Obviously, any type of addicts don't like that but it's what it takes. You fall in with the wrong people and your life can turn around very badly overnight. She wasn't a bad kid, just partied and drank like any other high schooler. She met a dumb guy and it went awry. It takes time to, just like it does to heal all wounds. It's hard and I saw my g/f cry too many times in fear of losing her sister. Good luck.

 

So sorry to hear about your situation. I have a cousin who had a very bad drug problem. He was living abroad during the worst of it and he would call various members of our family to tell us the government was after him and they were going to kill him if they didn't send him money. He was using pretty much everything during the worst of it, although as far as I know, he was never an IV user.

He eventually came back to the States and with the help of an ex-girlfriend, he went to rehab and turned himself around. He's been clean for at least 6 years and has worked as a drug counselor.

I fully agree with MisterCreosote - the addict has to decide for him or herself that it's time get clean. In our case, that happened without something horrible happening to my cousin. Best of luck to your family.

 

Nothing to add, but don't give up hope.

 

Thanks, I don't plan to give up hope. My mom said one of my aunts said the best thing might be for him to die because my grandma - who had a big hand in raising him - couldn't take him being behind bars. I also heard my cousin has a gun. He's mooched so much money off our grandma it's sad. It's not that she doesn't have the money, but I'm glad she never gave him access to her accounts.

 

My brother in law's problem is alcohol not drugs but its sad how the symptoms are so consistent.

The Mooching, blaming others, failing to take responsibility for themselves.

In 16 years, I've only seen him a handful of times, but the feedback I get is that he's always mooching from my in-laws and blaming them for everything, even though he's now 51.

My natural father was the same way (he's now 76.) His only saving grace was he was a professional who got caught doing a federal crime, was sent to a low security prison, supposedly found Christianity, and appears to be clean and sober.

 

I had a cousin caught up into coke big time. My parents extended all kinds of courtesies to her only to get burned in the end.

My best friend in high school also got caught up with drugs real bad. Talk about a wasted talent--the kid could have been an engineer, scientist, architect or whatever. I don't have any contact with either one.

 

My wife and I are raising her 12-year-old cousin because the kid's parents are both serious addicts. Both have been through rehab multiple times (on the taxpayer dime) and the dad has been in and out of jail. Right now both are living on friends' couches, and have monthly phone contact with the 12-year-old. We're still trying to help the kid get over what she learned and observed while being raised (using the term very loosely) by these people the first 10 years of her life.

As bad as what these types of people do to themselves, when there are kids involved it's a thousand times worse.

 

I have relatives who are druggies, but none that involve spoons or syringes... That's scary stuff man. I hope everything works out.

 

Don't give up hope. I have a brother who is a tweaker and a mother who used to be. Until they hit rock bottom and really want to change, it's not going to happen.

 

If you have the resources, you could try hiring a private investigator to locate him. The P.I. has no authority to take him into custody, though.

 

You know, this may be his rock bottom experience, and the good thing is, it doesn't have to end in a total disaster. It's just that for most drug users or alcoholics, there has to be one of those stone-cold moments before they realize it's time to make a turnaround. Hope that happens here.