1. Welcome to SportsJournalists.com, a friendly forum for discussing all things sports and journalism.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register for a free account to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Access to private conversations with other members.
    • Fewer ads.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Does this work?

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by SuperflySnuka, Aug 4, 2007.

  1. The 1950s Boston Braves were often described as "Spahn, Sain and pray for rain."
    The XXX XXX certainly don't have Warren Spahn. Johnny Sain, either.
    But they might've been praying for some drops on a cloudless Saturday at XXX XXXX Field.
    After Thursday's game was cut short by rain, and Friday's game cancelled because of it, the XXX played a double-header against the XXXX, dropping the first game XX-XX and the second game, XX-XX.
  2. Angola!

    Angola! Guest

    I guess it works since you explain it, though I have never heard the phrase or of Johnny Sain.
  3. It makes sense, but I don't know if I like it...if I wanted to read a gamer about my local minor league team and the first sentence was about a team and a player I'd never heard of, I wouldn't be too enthused about the rest of it.

    And though I didn't take it this way, I think many would see a reference to a 50s team/expression as you showing off - I think they'd think, "K, wonderful, kid. Now tell me about my tigers."
  4. TyWebb

    TyWebb Well-Known Member

    I've heard the phrase before and the players, but it just sounds to me like you are trying to force the connection between the two. If you had a quote from a coach or player to support the team's desire for rain, I think it would really help.
  5. dawgpounddiehard

    dawgpounddiehard Active Member

    I see this too often. The writer takes a national sports idea or thought or example then narrows it down to what he/she is covering for the local Podunk rag.

    Look, I understand you have a grasp of sports well beyond local baseball, but it doesn't work, it doesn't sound cute and most importantly it doesn't mean you're a great writer.

    Was the team really praying for rain drops? Do you have a quote from a player or coach? Use that, not the 1950s Boston Braves reference unless a player is the grandson of Spahn or Saine, why are you using that reference?

    I know you can do better. Look deeper into the game itself. You'll find something.
  6. spnited

    spnited Active Member

    To be accurate, it was the 1948 Braves. The orginal phrase, written in a poem by a Boston (Herald?) sportswriter, was "Spahn and Sain and two days of rain," although it has been bastardized over the years.
    Also, for the sake of accuracy, the games were not cancelled, they were postponed, If they were cancelled, they wouldn't have had to play doubeheaders to make them up.
    And finally, relating any local/high schol event to a pro event/sport is usually a bad idea.
  7. friend of the friendless

    friend of the friendless Active Member

    Brother Superfly,

    Everyone will debate the merits of alluding to Spahn, Sain, etc. (I knew about it. Actually the usual reference is to Spahn and Sain and pray for rain, tho' sometimes it appears as Spahn and Sain and two days of rain.) But just for a second, put that debate aside and look at the construction of your lead.

    The 1950s Boston Braves were often described as "Spahn, Sain and pray for rain."

    I don't like it. It wasn't the whole Braves team, mind you. It was their staff. Actually, you'd be closer to the mark if you were to write: The old Boston Braves' pitching rotation used to be called "Spahn and Sain and pray for rain." I'd prefer: The old Boston Braves battlecry used to be "Spahn and Sain and pray for rain. If you're goingt that way, better colour it up.

    Also if you could work in "span of three days" and "insane" into your copy I wouldn't mind.

    Two days of rain and then it poured down on the Mudville 9 or something ... mighta worked.

    YHS, etc
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page