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Does this lede make sense to you?

Discussion in 'Journalism topics only' started by sirvaliantbrown, Jul 16, 2007.

  1. ralph wiggum

    ralph wiggum Member

    And there's the problem. If the reader needs to read a lede five times before they understand what the writer is trying to say, it might be time for a revision.
     
  2. JayFarrar

    JayFarrar Well-Known Member

    Might have been the editors fiddling with the lede...it has the classic look of someone making changes on the fly and not going back to make sure everything was fixed before it went down on the page or, in this case, posted.
    How does the rest of the story read?
     
  3. mediaguy

    mediaguy Well-Known Member

    guys, is there this much free time around? it's a wordy lead. could be tightened. if we're giving this one a "what a bad lead" thread, we could stock a whole board with such links daily. (this is not a suggestion, just an observation).
     
  4. chazp

    chazp Active Member

    I'll second that. Was he on deadline and didn't get a chance to proof his own work? Just awful. Unreadable.
     
  5. Mmac

    Mmac Guest

    That is inexcusably awful writing, especially the "Around Roy Hibbert, he was surrounded...." opening. Embarrassing stuff.
     
  6. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    I think it was brilliant.

    I was left dumbfounded and perplexed, which I assume was the writer's intent.
     
  7. Mighty_Wingman

    Mighty_Wingman Active Member

    I can't believe we're on Day Three with this thread.
     
  8. fishwrapper

    fishwrapper Active Member

    I enjoy your depth and insight.
     
  9. spud

    spud Member

     
  10. spud

    spud Member

    One thing I've discovered about this business is that you rarely come upon folks who actually (genuinely) like most of the copy they produce. When you find something like this, something so beautifully awful, you have to stop and admire. At least for me, it makes me feel less like a hack for a few minutes.
     
  11. FreddiePatek

    FreddiePatek Active Member

    I say this lede was the work of an inattentive editor. That first sentence smacks of being rewritten.
     
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