Do not eff with the Island of Misfit Toys!

I remained silent when corporations began to incorporate popular culture not intended to sell product into commericals.

I stood by while rock 'n roll standards were used to peddle product, including some obscurantist songs I like (Picture Book by The Kinks? Really?). And, when some songs' meanings were so blatantly and cynically misinterpreted for the stupids who don't know better -- like CCR's Fortunate Son, an anti-patriotic song if there ever was one -- which had verses strategically cut-and-pasted to shill for Wrangler jeans against a red, white, and blue-filled sky.

I ignored my better intentions and said nothing when Coors used (or faked) press conference footage to sell more cases of its beer-flavored water. It's a clever idea executed with the lamest, corny scripting known to man.

I bit my lip hard when dead Poltergeist children and O'D'ed fat funnymen were foisted upon us from the grave to move satellite TV.

No more. They've gone too far.

Today I saw a Verizon commerical where an AT&T iPhone-ish thing is banished to the Island Of Misfit Toys.

I'll admit, it's clever, but it doesn't forgive the sacrilege. Simply put, don't fuck with the Island Of Misfit Toys.

These are childhood memories they're trading to improve market share. It's something that's pure. Sitting there in your pajamas when you were a kid, spellbound by the travails of Rudolph.

That heartbreaking scene near the end, when it briefly appears the misfit toys have once again been forgotten ... who didn't cry during that part? C'mon. Who didn't cry? I cried ... as a 30-year-old adult. Weeped like a baby. If you didn't cry, you're a fucking heartless asshole who would likely kick Santa Claus in the balls if given the chance.

King Moonracer, the square-wheeled train, and Misfit Dolly (What was her problem? I read on Wikipedia that she was banned because she was suffering depression from being abandoned by her mistress. They don't fuck with happy at the North Pole.) don't deserve to be done by Verizon the way they were done. Haven't they suffered enough?

What are you going to do next, Verizon? Have Linus give his iconic Christmas speech on a cellie with the "Can you hear me know?" asshole behind him with his army of freaky-ass Verizon clones? Maybe the Christmas Story Bumpus hounds will bust into that MILF-y bitch who's obsessed with cell phone minutes and eat the stupid fucking things. Then, she can off herself. That's a commercial I'd watch.

Fuck you Verizon, stop urinating on Christmas. Taste the black sperm of the The Bumble's vengeance!

 

Fortunate Son is anti-patriotic?

 

That picture is very troubling.

 

Sorry, but the MILF-y bitch does something for me, can't really explain.

And YGster, he's just kidding. Fortunate Son is indeed patriotic, just like Pink Houses and Born in the USA. Rest easy.

 

And get the motherfucking hell off his lawn!

 

Good, I feel much better. Now to listen to some CCR as a big FU to al-Qaeda.

 

And to think I was pissed when ABC dubbed Charlie Brown to start saying things like "my homey" and "Word."

Next thing you know Everedy will co-opt The Little Drummer Boy and replace him with the Energizer bunny.
The Year Without a Santa Claus will replace Heat Miser and Snow Miser with the Mac and PC guys.

 

I guess I'm a heartless asshole who would kick Santa Claus in the balls.

 

The above post shocks no one.

 

I'm guessing that would be popular in Philadelphia.

 

Just beat me to it.

 

Bah-fucking-Humbug