Depression, Part IV

I'm not trying to be callous, but you need to go where your son is and you need to be there permanently.

 

In 20 years you won't look back and say "Man I wish I hadn't spent more time with my son." You might look back and say "Why was I so hard-headed about Oregon when I could have spent more time with my son?"

Each week of his childhood that you miss is a week you'll never get back.

 

I have thought about moving to Oregon, and I have applied for jobs there. But my daughter would be crushed if I moved. She is still close to where I am, and is only 19. I know she's an adult, but still. Her mother deserted her and took her brother with him. Me leaving too would crush her.

As for visiting Oregon, after $446 a month in child support, there is nothing left. And better paying jobs aren't out there. $25g in the midwest is like $19-20g in Oregon.

 

Jesus, I didn't know you had a daughter too. I don't know if she's in school or what, but maybe you could get her to come with you.

I can't claim to have all the answers, but you need to get to your son before there is permanent psychological damage.

 

So you can't get on a bus 3-4 times a year to see him?

How's your son going to feel later when he realizes his dad chose to stay away from him?

I'm sorry if this sounds mean, but you have posted about this so many times, and you seem amazed that you're getting the same result. Your son is still missing you, and you are still miserable about the situation. If you want a different outcome, you have to take a different path.

You have choices.

 

this.

please man up. no way you'll regret it.

P.S. -- just read the daughter.by sure seems to me you and both your kids would be much better off if daddy and his little girl did this for their son and baby brother. i know it's easy for strangers on a message board to make it seem so simple, and i'm sure there are myriad complications unbeknownst to us, but i can't imagine any circumstances trumping you both being closer to your boy.

there are times when every family is faced with whether they should do what's best for one member at the inconvenience of the others. this is one of those time and the answer seems pretty cut-and-dried from this anonymous distance.

 

Again, not to be harsh, but the way things are going now, the best case scenario is that he'll resent you for not being there for him when he needs you the most.

Worst case scenario is permanent damage to your relationship with your son. Something like this can do permanent damage to his self-confidence. You went through a version of what he's going through. Don't you think it would help him to be able to come home from school and have someone be able to relate to what he's going through?

 

again, not trying to be harsh/hurtful -- nobody here is -- but it seems to me that a man who remains scarred by his 'awful' childhood would march through hell/high water to do everything possible to insure that his children didn't feel the same about theirs. it's not too late for you, man.

 

There have to be jobs somewhere in the state, not newspaper, but something. You have to get over hating your ex-wife's stepfather.

You don't have to live in the same town, but you do need to live within a few hours of your son.

 

HH, at the risk of piling on, look at every possible option to move closer to your son. Depending on what your daughter is doing, consider making it a family project. If she's in school, look at arrangments out West. If not, consider pulling up stakes and moving lock, stock and all that.

If it's eating you up this much now, is that going to subside anytime soon, especially if something truly unfortunate happens to your son?

Good luck, and understand that I KNOW how tough this decision is.

 

Take it from someone who doesn't talk to his father... Don't let your relationship deteriorate and if you don't live near him, that's exactly what's going to happen.

 

Interesting story on 60 Minutes tonight.

Does medication help the mildly depressed? Maybe not. Meanwhile, the number of prescriptions continue to soar, and most of them are being written for the mildly depressed.