Depression, Part III

Given the source, WI, not surprising. Not exactly known for tact and class ...

 

True dat.

Back on topic, I'm fortunate in that my own bouts with depression are pretty mild compared to what most people with depression deal with.

Physical activity always helps me a lot. Of course, I realize that someone who's at the bottom of a psychological abyss isn't really going to be lifted up by someone saying, "Dude, go to the gym."

With me, being active is more of a preventive than remedial measure. It doesn't help a whole lot once I'm already in a depressed state, but I find myself much more vulnerable to unexpected waves of depression if I've been inactive. Keeping physical activity in my schedule seems to act as a deterrent against what Winston Churchill called his "black dog."

 

I just don't have the energy to do anything I used to enjoy. My sports card colelction sits in an otherwise empty room in boxes because I just don't have the energy to go through it.

My sports "career" is over since I had the rods keeping my lower back together two years ago. The pain is sometimes unbearable, even doing small things like standing to interview a coach or sitting on an aluminum bench to cover a game. Things such as bicycling and crunches are out.

Even playing catch with my son takes its toll. And that's something we both cherish.

I used to enjoy going for walks, but can't get my wife to go with. She weighs twice what I do and spends more time driving around a parking lot waiting for the closest spot than actually burning a calorie or two walking a few extra feet.

 

You need to tell this to a doctor or a therapist.

Call them for an appointment right now.

At worst, you will lose an hour or two of your time and a co-pay.

At best, well, I would say there is a huge, huge upside.

 

HH,

You need to try another church.

You said you are a believer, although you're obviously struggling right now.

Please, find a pastor/counselor that can help. I suggest a church because the cost will be nothing, or nominal, but if you have a better idea of who or where to go to, please do it.

You also said you're short on friends where you're at right now. As someone else said, however, we're all here.

If you'd like to call me to talk, please feel free to do so. I'm no doctor, and don't know what I could do to help. I'm a good listener, though, and I think I could be a good friend, if you want one.

 

Thanks again for all of your support.

I just finished a CT scan, and now I await the results. The doctor thinks the pain is too low to be an ulcer, but wants to wait to do a colonoscopy until he sees if there is damage in there (he doesn't want to agitate it if there is).

At my age (I'll be 45 in two weeks), and with my father dead at 44 from lung cancer, and my pessimistic attitude, now I just don't know how to feel.

Hell, maybe it'll scare some sense into me. I don't know.

 

Just curious here Harley - what do like to do? Other than hang with mini-Harley? Do you like music? Do you have a CD collection? Do you like movies? Reading? Any kind of stress reliever? I can't relate to you at all so I won't try to say I know what you're going through, but do you have any stress relievers or other interests?

 

Funny you should ask.

* I love(d) softball, but the doc told me I'd better not play again because one wrong fall (or dive, in my case) could put me in a wheelchair.

* I love going to sports card and memorabilia shows, and while I'm a lot closer to some of them than I've been in eons, there's not a lot of play money.

* I love chasing storms, and am getting close to the day ...

* I love the aforementioned mini-Harley, and take him to juco games whenever I can. He's always laying his little head on my shoulder and saying things like, "Daddy, I wish you hadn't had that bike wreck and your back was better so you could play catch." So I go play catch, dammit. I pay for it, but everything has a cost, and this one is worth it.

* I have a huge CD collection, most of them now on iTunes. I used to love to sit and rock out, but I no longer enjoy it.

* I still enjoy playing tennis, but don't know anyone around here that plays, and I myself haven't played in nearly 10 years. I'm not good, but I don't get quite as high strung (pun slightly intended) as I do playing softball.

* I used to love riding my bicycle, and liked to ride with the kids. But I haven't been on it since the surgery, and the few times I've tried an exercise bike isn't kind on my back.

I think I know what you're trying to do: Get me up and out doing something constructive. When you're depressed, it is really difficult just to get out of bed, let alone motivate yourself to do anything. Everything that is "fun" just isn't real fun anymore. The friends on the board are awesome -- but they can't come pull my big butt out of bed.

 

I'm sorry you're going through such tough times, Harley.

You've described depression exactly here. And that last line is exactly why you need to give yourself a deadline, so to speak.

Go ahead and feel your feelings, lie around in your underwear and do nothing, if you want -- for a couple days, a week, or even a couple of weeks, or a month.

But then, at the end of that pre-determined time, make yourself get up. Just do it, and do at least one productive thing that day...i.e. one thing that you'd decided to do, made up your mind to do, and made it goal to do, or that you know needs to be done. Follow through.

And, the day after that, do the same thing again, or go through the same process, with something else, again.

It will take discipline, and you probably won't really want to do it. But, as they say with regard to fear, feel whatever you're feeling, and do it, anyway. Think of it like going to the gym, or going to work. You might not always feel like it, but you do it regardless.

Little by little, you'll lift yourself up, at least to the point where you'll be in a better place to make decisions, and to re-engage at least to some extent.

 

Just a thought....

Think about how much stronger you'll feel when (not if) you get through this. Because the fact that you return to these boards, looking forward to what your friends here have to say, indicates that hope remains. Where there is hope there is always a tomorrow. Live to make tomorrow just a little bit better than yesterday.

It's all about baby steps, in my experience. I'm young, and don't have any extreme stories like what are shared on here. But I've had my depressed months, and found that getting through depression starts with making little things right.

Just my two cents....and for what it's worth, I'll pray for you.

Feel free to PM me, if you want.

 

Man ... like I said, I can't relate. If there was an easy solution, I'm sure you would have found it by now. I don't know enough about your past and I'm sure you've covered this in previous posts, but what do you think would make you happy?

 

Harley, I've been through this myself and am now trying to help my brother through. He did everything right ... married a woman he loved, treated her well, worked hard, had kids that he was involved with, was active in his church. And then last year his wife dumped him. He's been hospitalized twice and I went out a few weeks ago to try and help. I'll tell you what I told him.

I know that your life sucks right now. That is not your fault. But it's not going to magically get better so it's on you to pull through. Each day, you decide to do something. It could be as simple as going for a walk. But you make the decision and you follow through. It feels like a huge effort but it will eventually get easier. The things that seem overwhelming will become manageable.

It won't happen fast and it won't happen easily but it will get better. That is the leap of faith you're going to have to make.