Depression, Part II

I know that this will probably sound stupid, but take it for what it is worth.

Your knowledge that the problem exists is half the battle because most people won't admit that there is a problem. So. . . try to be happier. Resolve to not let things push you to the brink. . . stop worrying about problems at work that you can't fix. . . walk away from people whose negative attitude might make your situation worse.

I learned a long time ago to let the little shit go. If you resolve to not get pissed off when you run out of milk or you find your newspaper is in a puddle or something goes wrong at work, then maybe when something like this happens, it won't make your day worse.

I've been depressed at time over the years and I really understand what you are going through. I had one period several years ago when the stress at work combined with lack of sleep pushed me over the edge, so much so that one minor change at work to something that was terribly unimportant caused me to have an pseudo-anxiety attack on a road trip (I don't remember the two-hour flight I was on).

I'm not a fix it with chemicals kind of person, but if your problem has advanced to the "Bug Spray" level, then do see what science has to offer. Otherwise, you probably have many, many people who will take some time to help put you in a better state.

Good luck.

 

I can only echo what others have said here. Do what you can to get out of the house and interacting with people. Go to the movies. Laugh. Take deep breaths. I read something in a magazine that sounded totally stupid until I tried it and it worked: inhale deeply and as you slowly exhale, audibly sigh. Do it a few times in a row and you'll feel a little better.

Above all, do whatever you can to get out of your own head.

 

HB,

I went through some similar shit several years ago, though not quite as bad as what you're dealing with. Just know that we care about you, value your insight here, and will do whatever we can to help. Exercise helped me. Try lifting some weights, going for a run, or playing pick-up basketball (or whatever sport you enjoy the most). And when you're hurting the most, late at night or early in the morning, sit in front of a computer screen and let your thoughts pour out onto the keyboard. It will help.

I believe you can beat this. You're a great guy, a valuable member of this site. Don't give up.

 

HB -- Dude, I'm so with you on this. Have been going through a bit of a funk lately myself. I probably do once or twice a year, and I get panicky about it sometimes because I had an uncle that chose the ".45 exit" in his car on the side of some Florida highway. Since it's been suggested that there is some genetic component to what he had, I'm always worried that's the way I'll eventually go, too.
Only advice I can offer seems silly, compared to what other's have offered, but just get out of the house. Do something. Spend some dough. Do something you don't normally do.
And keep posting here. Keep talking to people. Need that contact, bro.
Hang in there.

 

HB,
My ignorant ass drove my old roomate to feel some of what you're feeling, and because of that, I'll always understand that some people do go through this, and it's all too real.

Some good advice on here, re: getting out and such. I think you knew this before, but this place is full of your friends, figuratively or literally, so lean on them (us?).

Keep your head up.

 

Hockeybeat,

What I am about to say sounds simple, cliche and all too easy. But it is one of the things that got me through what you are going through: you literally need to take it one day at a time. Don't worry about how you will get through next week or even how you will get out of bed tomorrow. Just try to survive today. Make yourself get out of bed; believe me, I know that some days will be a Herculean effort. Each day, try to do one thing that will bring you some degree of pleasure. There will be some days when it is difficult: a favorite treat or a favorite TV show won't do anything for you. Keep going until you find that little slice of pleasure. And while it is probably the last thing you feel like doing, you should exercise. The workout will cause your brain to release endorphins and will give you a boost.

You need to find someone other than your therapist that you can confide in. I know that it seems easier to go through it and not bother someone or embarrass yourself, but you need to find someone you trust. Explain to that person that you are going through a rough patch and you would appreciate it if they could be there for you to vent. They don't need to offer solutions or do anything other than be willing to listen. If you can't find a friend, then start a journal. You need an outlet for these rants because bottling them up will only make it worse -- you alluded to the fact that the time in-between therapy sessions is the worst, so you need to find that outlet.

 

Some good suggestions, but as it relates to your job, I would say this.

Your job is what you do, it is not who you are.

What do I mean by that? You can't let how things are going at your job define you. If you left your job and took another job, you would presumably still be a good person, your skills would not diminish, and your family and real friends would care about you just the same as they do now.

I have suffered from depression and it is real. But it is treatable, and that's what you are doing.

And as self-destructive thoughts go, if sucking the Raid can was the worst thought that isn't so bad. Mine were much worse.

 

Somebody has to ask it, so I will: Have you explored your faith at all? By faith I don't mean Christ, or Allah, or Yahweh or Tom Cruise. Not a religion. Not going to church. Not that.

By faith I mean:: What or who do you believe in? What or who do you live for? Parents? Friends? Work? Hockey? I'm not being snide at all. Make a list of those things that really matter, and have always mattered, then make a list of how each of those things have lifted you up or let you down. It's called unpacking. Imagine you got to move in an empty room, to be filled by the things that mean the most. What's in there? Why? How have the people/things those items represent hurt you?

I've experienced depression, and lived with - and eventually left - someone who descended into serious mental illness. We were both pretty broken people despite our intelligence. The difference, probably, was that I began to trace the root of my pain. Once I got there, it was pretty painful, but I also, finally, began to feel alive, forgive others, and reconnect to the world.

I'll be plain: I'm a Christian, so you can intuit how I traveled from depression, to even greater suffering, and out of depression.

That said, I can't suggest that to you. I can only say: Take that inventory, and maybe you'll see a few things.

 

In the context of everything else on this thread, what I had in this space was ... I don't know ... perhaps a bit insensitive. So I'm taking a mulligan.

HB, you are absolutely not alone. I dare say there are a lot of people on here who feel your pain. We can be curmudgeonly as a group at times, but we've got your back. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about this a year or so ago, and he staid something that really stuck with me ... if you're struggling with life and it's affecting the people around you, you're irresponsible if you don't get some help. It's a good thing you've acknowledged you have a problem and sought help.

 

Alma - I am not being snide either. What you wrote might be one of the most thought provoking insightful posts that I've ever read.

I think all could benefit by "unpacking" every now and then.

HB - Feel better. You are a young man with a lot to offer.

 

HB,

I second or third whoever suggested getting a pet. When I went through a period when I considered killing myself, my concern for my pets was what kept me from doing it.

I'd also suggest getting out into the sun. A lot of people suffer from seasonal affective disorder, where they get depressed because of a lack of sunlight during this time of year.

And remember, we're here for you. You can always unload by PM if you need too.

 

Without picking on anyone, I want to point out that there is a difference between "getting the blues" and being depressed. Everyone gets bummed, has job stress, reacts poorly to the foul weather. That's part of being human, the ups and downs.

Depression is a serious medical issue, like that of diabetes or chronic illness. You would never tell a diabetic "just try a little sugar, it might be OK now!" But like diabetes, depression is manageable with professional medical help, whether drugs are included or not.

All of these suggestions have been wonderful, and HB or anyone should try out a number of things to see what works best. It can be a tough process of trial and error, but you can feel better.

And if there are people in your life who are "Tom Cruising" you - telling you to just snap out of it or quit whining - either avoid them or educate them (or preferably have your therapist educate them). Those people will hinder your recovery worse than any can of Raid.