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Delightful, sugary things you put in your mouth

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Care Bear, Apr 18, 2012.

  1. Uncle.Ruckus

    Uncle.Ruckus Guest

    And in your basket you have Mello Yello, molasses, pecans and chitterlings.
     
  2. Care Bear

    Care Bear Guest

    So awesome.

    "Chefs, please open your baskets. For the appetizer round you have Natural Light, Miller Lite and Bud Light."
     
  3. Uncle.Ruckus

    Uncle.Ruckus Guest

    [​IMG]

    Chef, I very much enjoyed how you used the Natural Light and Miller Lite to accentuate the flavor of the bacon and hogs feet in your dish. But I am disturbed at your lack of tomatillos, which wounds my Latin heart.

    [​IMG]

    I thought your dish sucked.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  4. YGBFKM

    YGBFKM Guest

    "Chef Billy Bob, we loved your innovative use of possum entrails, but you left the canned grub worms off your plate. And for that, we had to chop you."
     
  5. Batman

    Batman Well-Known Member

    "Chef Cletus, that was a wonderful use of the red liquid from the jar of pickled pigs feet. The way you used that as the base for your gumbo was dadgummed good. And the pigs feet themselves? Combining them with the gar in the gumbo was ... inspired."

    [​IMG]

    "I just wish you would've done more with the moonshine. It would've been simple to add it to the gumbo base and take it to the next level."

    [​IMG]
     
  6. Bubbler

    Bubbler Well-Known Member

    I like popsicles.

    [​IMG]

    (If I could go back in time, I might go back to the day that aired for the first time. That has to be one of the greatest moments in TV history.)
     
  7. Versatile

    Versatile Active Member

    Does anyone else think that the more a chocolate dessert looks like poop, the more likely it is that it will cause an immediate bowel movement? Let me walk you through:

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    Typical chocolate cake registers about a 3 on the Harry Dunne dump scale. It's great at kids' birthday parties, where you're always surprised and delighted to see that cheap-ass mom sprung for something better than white cake with white frosting and stupid, meaningless fucking words on it. (I call that lesbian wedding cake — there aren't enough people to merit a real wedding cake because the lesbians are ugly. Fuck that shit. At least get the cream-cheese frosting, if you're not going to get decent chocolate cake.) But the chocolate cake goes in and stays in for a few hours. Bosses think this is an ideal cake for work parties because you usually break out the chocolate cake at about 3:30-4, giving them a buffer period to get home. The copy desk inevitably spends half its shift in the bathroom after eating the chocolate cake that's been sitting out for two hours already.

    [​IMG]

    Fudge brownies register a 6, like Jessica Dorrell but a little less leggy. Like a stumpy Jessica Dorrell. Maybe with some road burn on her face. These are ideal for kids to bring into class with them. Everyone loves it because kids are too embarrassed to tell the teacher they're shitting so hard they're being lifted off the toilet seat. Plus fudge brownies are insanely easy to bake. And no one hates them. Put some nuts on top and you'll get a few complainers, but those are just assholes with weird allergies. Fudge brownies are an everyman's food. But the toilet pays.

    [​IMG]

    Did you know we're all naturally lactose intolerant? It's the reason the gallon challenge is impossible, and the reason that if you eat even a half-scoop more ice cream than normal, your stomach rips in two and you don't sleep all night. Chocolate ice cream is a 7, or a peaking Jessica Dorrell. It's often mistakenly eaten late at night. Don't do this. If you can limit the amount of chocolate ice cream you eat after 11 p.m., you're a better man than I. Chocolate ice cream is unforgiving and slow acting, unlike the other options on this list. It makes your body think things are fine, makes you think you can dig in for another spoonful. And god forbid you go chocolate peanut butter.

    [​IMG]

    Gelato looks like ice cream. It's not. It's a solid 9. And the shit is slippery. It's like the slipperiest thing ever. It's made of oil that just slips right through your digestive tract and into your colon. If you fart within 48 hours of eating chocolate gelato, prepare for a diaper change. Chocolate gelato is like the fat strained from nonfat chocolate milk. It's fucking heavenly, but it's going to destroy at least three pairs of underwear. Bring reinforcements.

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    HOLY FUCK IT'S CALLED MOLTEN LAVA CAKE. THIS SHIT IS FANCY. You know that feeling, when you're on a date at a fancy restaurant and the douchebag at the table next to yours orders the fucking molten lava cake and splits it with his beau. And your girl is all like, "Ooooh, that looks amazing. We should get some." Don't. Molten Lava Cake is a 10, like Mary-Louise Parker in a bathtub. Molten Lava Cake works faster and more powerfully than the laxatives Lloyd Christmas used to inspire the Harry Dunne dump scale. Molten Lava Cake will explode from your asshole faster than the chocolate syrup explodes from the cakey exterior. No one has ever eaten Molten Lava Cake and had sex in the same 24-hour window. I'm convinced. And fancy restaurants that serve Molten Lava Cake? Their bathrooms aren't any cleaner than the Waffle House's. You'll discover this if you eat the Molten Lava Cake.

    I eat the Molten Lava Cake all the fucking time. I wasn't getting laid anyway.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  8. TigerVols

    TigerVols Well-Known Member

    I was really, really scared to scroll to the end of Versatile's post above. Very scared.

    BTW, I'm a sucker for pralines. A good praline or two would be the desert at my last meal.
     
  9. Greenhorn

    Greenhorn Active Member

    Creme brulee is tops for me. Cherry gelato and cinnamon flavor desserts rank high as well.
     
  10. TrooperBari

    TrooperBari Well-Known Member

  11. Sam Mills 51

    Sam Mills 51 Well-Known Member

    A bowel movement? Yes.
    A bowl movement? If it causes the entire bowl to move, then we're impressed.
     
  12. Versatile

    Versatile Active Member

    I blame the timestamp.
     
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