Deathwish III ... aka the indefatigable animal magnetism of Bronson ... WTF?

I'm bored in my hotel room ... so bored I've watched Deathwish II (Jimmy Page did the soundtrack, Zoso!), and now, I'm watching Deathwish III.

Draw your own conclusions about what it says about my viewing tastes, I know I would if I were in your shoes, but there's so much that strikes me as ridiculous.

How would Charles Bronson return to NYC unnoticed after going vigilante in the first movie? How does a car completely explode after a relatively run-of-the-mill collision? Why did moviemakers in the early 80s think bloodthirsty gangs dressed like rejects from the Beat It video? How did Alex "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" Winter get cast as a gang member?

Most of all, though, how am I supposed to suspend disbelief to the point where Bronson is some sort of mackin' pimp daddy?

First, Jill Ireland (to Bronson as Sonya Locke was to Clint Eastwood, with similar fall-off in appeal) is practically throwing her clearly moistened self at Bronson in every scene of Deathwish II. Then, some hottish public defender, who doesn't know Bronson's character from Adam, is ready to do the deed before she's killed in the above-mentioned explosion?

Ladies of SJ, am I missing something? Is there some animal magnetism eminating from Bronson that I'm missing? Is it the mustache? The turtle-necks? I've always thought Bronson looked like a human ashtray in his later years.

Discuss. Or don't. If ever there's a thread that deserves zero replies, this might be it.

 

It depends. How much does Bronson pay for his underwear?

 

He shoots people for their underwear.

Bronson just pulled out a World War II Browning machine gun to plug some of the baddies. Were they even trying at this point?

 

Barney: Where's Otis? He's not in his cell.

Bronson: I shot him.

Barney: Well that's... what?!

Bronson: And now, I'm going down to Emmett's Fix-It Shop. [cocks gun] To fix Emmett.

 

The Death Wish sequels are so bad, they're good.
The guy in III with the zip gun. Laurence Fishburn in II. The line in II where Bronson says, "So you believe in Jesus Christ?" scumbag says "Yes, I do" (even after raping Bronson's daughter, prompting her to run through a window and get impaled on a fence). Bronson says "Well, you're going to meet him."
And I'm a sucker for any movie with Ed Lauter in it.
As for Bronson? Liked him in Magnificent Seven, but I always thought of him as a poor man's Eastwood.

 

I knew it was coming ... and I enjoyed the hell out of it anyway.

 

Oh this is way high on the so bad it's good scale. Golan-Globus movies rock.

 

Those were great, god-awful movies. The whole Cannon canon (ha! that's awesome) was schlock of the highest slash lowest level.

Remember Murphy's Law? Or Assassination?

 

They also advanced horrid, racist stereotypes. One Chuck Norris movie at a time.

 

I will not sit idly by as you badmouth Invasion USA!!!!

Or Missing In Action XI: Just Fucking Find Me Already

 

White men can't act?

 

I eagerly await the day you break down the intricacies of the Tom Cruise classic, "Losin' It"...