Dear dimwit in the publisher's office

This post,

got me thinking: What's the worst/dumbest/dimwittiest thing a boss/publisher has ever said to you (besides, "You're fired.")?

 

My old publisher used to go use Google - not Chrome, the actual website - search for Yahoo, then click the result to get to Yahoo.

 

I've had editors and assistant editors in my department who would bend over backward for any reader who calls or e-mails with a complaint. These complainers essentially had more power than the actual employees. Editor would tell us to do something, we'd do it, reader would complain about it, editor would ask us why we did it.

 

Publisher/owners own three papers all within a 30-minute drive.

A few years ago, they decided to forgo the Christmas dinner and give out half-hams. Owner made his deliveries, finally stopping in the smallest of the three papers, with three hams in tow.

When they told him that one of the three workers was just part time, he left with one ham.

Same owners reimburse meals for road trips for paper A, but not us.

Same owners make our newsroom babysit the police scanner, but the scanner at paper A is almost never even turned on. Same owners, different rules.

And paper A is the worst looking excuse of journalism I have ever laid eyes on.

 

Not long after I left a newspaper, the managing editor made the front page of the paper himself...

Seems he was having an affair with one of the reporters, who was married. She broke it off with him, he kind of went apeshit, kidnapped her and was holding her hostage in the cemetery in town. I don't know if the location was significant...

She refused to press charges so she could keep HER name out of the paper. I guess her husband wasn't the happiest of people, either, once it got out.

He was fired. I have no clue what happened to him. Other than that whole flipping out thing, he was a really nice guy and was so encouraging to me.

 

I once worked for a publisher whose stated policy was the reader was ALWAYS right.

ALWAYS.

Any time any reader -- even anonymous ones -- called or wrote in (this was in the days before email) with any kind of bitch, no matter how bogus or trivial, a staff member was required to come up with an "action plan" to "remedy their complaint." Failure to do so was grounds for disciplinary action.

"The reader's complaint is not valid" or "the remedy demanded by the reader would be highly objectionable to other readers" were both specifically cited as unacceptable responses.

Personal-attack complaints such as "you suck" or "what the fuck are you doing working for a newspaper" were to be responded to as follows: "We apologize for your disappointment and we promise to do better."

Not sure whatever happened to any complaints directly to Mr. Publisher such as "why don't you go suck on the barrel of a .30-.06?"

There were about 24 people working in the newsroom. I stayed there about two years; in that time, 2/3 of the staff turned over. A year later, only two or three were left from when I started.

 

"Why would the copy desk need access to the Internet?" is a goody from 1999 or so in Decatur, Ala.

 

Was at a big rivalry football game last month and a recent, former editor of mine was in the press box. We are not chummy by any means, but it was a polite, respectful, "enjoy some banter about the game" relationship.

I'm setting up my stuff. Laptop, charger, bottle of water, pen, notebook, and before I can even sit down he goes "Oh BN thanks, yeah I could use a drink real quick." So the son of a bitch takes a drink from my bottle of water like that. The fucker wasn't even writing a story. He just sat in the box and munched on carrots/pretzels/something in a small bag.

I call him on it one-on-one after the game and he has the fucking gaul to say "Well you know we really didn't like your attitude..." My fucking attitud?!?! I left because no one told me fucking anything, stories were dropped because no one knew when deadline was, YOU blatantly stole a feature I took a week to put together, it took me three months to get paid, and you got the fucking balls to say I had the attitude problem?!?!?! FUCK YOU!

P.S. Now I freelance for good people at places where I can get read and be creative in my writing.

 

I can't stop laughing at this.

 

Had one tell me about his son's high school baseball "manager" getting "evicted" from the game by the umpire.

 

I once had a publisher come into my office and demand that I cover a high school soccer game between two winless teams on the same night of a huge baseball game between two of the top teams in the state. I went to the soccer game for about 10 minutes, did a head count and there were exactly 12 people in the stands. I took a few shots, said hello to the coach and asked him to send me the info afterwards before heading out to the baseball game.

The following day I was told that if I ever left a game early again, I would be fired...just happened to be his son was the keeper and made a big save late in the game and he thought by being in the paper his chances of getting a scholly would improve. Both of our wives worked in the county's school district, and had a staff meeting together the following day. His wife didn't know my wife, and of course Mrs. Publisher makes a really nasty comment about the idiot sports editor at the paper and even makes a remark about my speech impediment. Mrs. Sports Editor was less than amused.

 

Should have covered the soccer game, then forwarded all the baseball complaint calls to the publisher.

And I would have hoped Mrs. Sports Editor told Mrs. Publisher where she could stick her opinion of one SE's speech impediment.