Dartmouth soccer players taunt Harvard squash players

So. ...

As FHB pointed out, I am a Jew (for the record, I kind of like bagels, but only the good H&H ones, and I have balls the size of watermelons). I don't practice the religion (but I grew up in a Kosher home. Funky, eh?). I don't have a ton of Jewish friends (not by design, though, because Jews are people too and some of them are damned fine people!). I don't think I have discussed it with FHB, although I may have made mention of it on here (either that, or I am the poster child for Jewishness and FHB is pretty sharp that way--the bastard can sniff out a Jew from a mile away!). But it doesn't matter, because I am a Jew whether I like it or not. I've always figured that if this was Berlin, 1935, whether I call myself Jewish or not doesn't matter much to the rest of the world.

So when people ask, I just embrace my bagel-eating/money-lending heritage.

Anyhow, for the purposes of this conversation, let's say I am a Jew (but the only one in my neighborhood with a Confederate flag [actually, probably the only PERSON in my neighborhood with a Confederate flag], if you believe humorless poster #2 above. Oh and Mr. Humorless? The First Amendment doesn't say a word about Franklin Cohen and Ivy League squash [although I really do think we should amend the Constitution to include Ivy League Squash!]. ... just some stuff about Congress not making laws that do certain things. ...).

In any case, I am not just a Jew. I went to an Ivy League school. ... although the culture was different than Harvard or Dartmouth. At least it seemed way cooler and a "regular place" to me. ... not as prestigious in name, though. There were lots of regular dorky guys like me. You know, guys who sometimes forget they are in public and scratch their watermelon-sized balls. But I am digressing again. Near as I can tell, when visiting squash teams came into town no one even went to the matches, let alone taunted the opposing players. It's too bad. It sounds like fun.

There was still a bit of that Choate/Phillips/St. Albans/Squash/Polo playing vibe if you looked in between the cracks. It was actually kind of fun and eye-opening to sheltered me. To most of us, those guys were just WASP douches (well, except for the occasional Franklin Cohen who somehow managed to infiltrate their club). No one made a Federal case about it. But people thought it. Same way they think "Jewish douche" when Franklin Cohen announces himself as. ... Franklin. ... the competitive squash player.

So the point? Yeah, the point. My freshman year, I was looking for a way to fit in. There was a prominent fraternity system. My new (mostly non-Jewish) friends were all rushing, and wanting to be a part of things, I went through the drill. ... and I ended up pledging a fraternity that made me maybe the third Jew in the house (maybe the third Jew in the history of the house, now that I think about it!). I think the term some use is "token Jew." (Note: Mr. Humorless, that "third jew" thing may be a bit of hyperbole. It probably wasn't quite that bad. Just close. I'm not being literal. Note2: Mr. Humorless, thanks for using small words. It helped me understand your point of view. I like small words.)

I didn't think anything of it (although the Norman cross displayed all over the place would have made Susan Cohen's head explode) because even though I grew up around some Jews, there were more Catholics than anything in my high school (and most of my childhood friends were Catholic).

So I pledged. And I started to hear a few veiled "Jew" remarks. They were crafty about it. I mean, no one would call me a dirty Jew or a kike to my face. I can't even remember any of the specific comments that registered with me at the time (I let it go. Imagine that). But I would lay even odds that at least one of the guys had a dad who kept a copy of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion around. ... not because he believed it, but just for shits and giggles. You know, it's a hell of a conversation starter over brandy snifters!

It did sort of become clear pretty quickly, though, that I was a "token jew," and being the perceptive one I am (smack me with a 2X4 and I notice!), I started to sense that I actually had fraternity brothers who would barely talk to me because of my religion (or maybe it was the fact that my breath always smelled like pickled herring?). I decided it wasn't for me. And I moved on. I went through the pledge ritual -- just to show them and myself that I could do it -- and then once I was all in good graces and set to move into the house the next year, I said, "Fellers, thanks but no thanks."

My only regret?

No one wrote a story about it for the local paper and an anonymous guy on a message board didn't have some fun with my life.

 

I think your point was that my posts on this thread remind you of how I was posting when JDV showed up.

Zeke's point--missing your point, if I understood you correctly--was that I am a joke (like JDV) and my posts on this thread are funny if you look at me in the context of me being a joke.

Yes, I am being literal. The humorless dude should be able to appreciate that.