Dan Rather: Obama couldn't sell watermelons if...

Orange soda.

 

And that's about the fourth time you've made that remark. Zeke isn't here anymore, so I doubt he's going to care in the least.

 

OK, I must have missed something. When did Zeke leave?

 

Really, Dan, was it that difficult to find the 'couldn't sell ice to eskimos' cliche in the ol' mental file folder.

 

And if there's a chance, I'll use it a fifth. And maybe even ... wait for it ... a SIXTH!

 

OUTING ALERT: LongTimeListener is Edgar Winter.

 

Grape soda.

My favorite Watermelon and Blacks and Dumb Stereotypes Story goes back to high school. Our football team, probably 85 percent black, used to scrimmage the wealthiest, whitest school in our region every year. I'm almost positive they didn't have a single black player most years. So my sophomore year we go up there on a sweltering August day and have us a nice little scrimmage. Afterward, the White and Wealthy school's parents invite our team over for some postgame treats. So along with my teammates, I walk over to their side ... and see they've got two big tables of watermelon, with smiling Wealthy and White parents waiting to serve us.

Even at age 15, I immediately cringed at this scene. This was the year after the L.A. riots, and race was a constant topic of discussion in our locker room. We had a few very political dudes on the team, and I was half expecting them to start overturning tables and start making a scene. But instead everyone -- black, white, latino, Asian -- just dove right in and started chowing down. Nobody noticed (or cared about) the racial irony, and everybody enjoyed themselves some watermelon on a hot summer day. Except for me, I really don't care for watermelon.

 

I'm sure you will. I'm sure Zeke is sorry for hurting your widdle feewings whenever he did. I can ask him if you want, so maybe you can get some closure.

 

Dan Rather made a bad analogy? Impossible.

 

Yeah, I'd REALLY appreciate it. And maybe we can keep this going. Wouldn't that be the AWESOMEST?!>!>!>?!?!

And if I really want to talk to him, which I don't, I can just head on over to the secret clubhouse.

 

Yes, talking about him satisfies you to no end. No need to talk to someone when you can just talk about them in order to get a woody.