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Crossed Giblets of Death: The SJ Thanksgiving Family Therapy Thread

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by 21, Nov 22, 2006.

  1. Rosie

    Rosie Active Member

    I don't know if I should be relieved or worried that you understood that post, Slap! ;)

    The Rosebud is sound asleep right now. As for me? I'm being a lazy bum.

    Have fun making stuffing! I think I like this not having to make a big meal thing! ;D
     
  2. 21

    21 Well-Known Member

    Rosie, does she also have poopies? For God's sake, keep her out of the pool!!
     
  3. Rosie

    Rosie Active Member

    (I just spit more coffee all over my keyboard!)

    I think we're safe on that account, 21. But I'll keep her out of the pool, just in case.

    One episode of pool poopies is plenty for one Turkey Day.
     
  4. A new day dawned. and Greta was concerned. She felt vaguely guilty that Trigger, the valiant Jack Russell, had given his life to get her what she'd needed. And she felt vaguely creepy about having to pry it out of his gullet in order to use it. She didn't like the way Waldo, the pool boy, looked at her as he buried Trigger in the flower bed that stood like a jewel in a stewpot between the check-cashing place and Margo's House Of Nails. She didn't like the way Margo looked at her through the window, either. And, down below the edge of the windowsill, down where Greta couldn't see, what was Margo doing with that nail-gun anyway?
    In the kitchen, the Guatemalan cleaning girl chuckled softly and felt the sharp edge of the paring knife.
    The sun was just coming up.
     
  5. 21

    21 Well-Known Member

    Hello, will you accept a....
    I ACCEPT! AS GOD IS MY WITNESS I ACCEPT!

    'Hello dear, can you hear me? My voice feels a little scratchy this morning, it's so dry in here, the motel humidifier must be on the fritz, Lou shook the blanket during the night and sparks went flying everywhere, I thought we were done for....I was going to call room service for some tea, but apparently you cannot just order tea, you have to order a whole ordeal of breakfast, I really don't like to eat breakfast on Thanksgiving, actually not much of a breakfast eater altogether, sometimes I like a little piece of chocolate cake...'

    (Pause for dry coughing fit.)

    'So I forgot to mention yesterday, I'm bringing a salad, I hope you didn't make a salad."

    'You're bringing a salad? When did you have time to go buy salad here?'

    'Oh, I didn't have to buy it here, last Saturday night we went to this wonderful restaurant, they give you a big bowl and you just fill it with salad, you can just pile up the salad, you cannot believe what they give you to put on the salad, I hope you like anchovies, dear, does your Boom like anchovies? I don't know if the Irish like anchovies, we'll find out, won't we!"

    'So you drove 400 miles with a salad you made last Saturday?'

    'Oh, 21, please, they do such wonderful things with preservatives these days, it's a beautiful salad, even Lou said so....isn't it a lovely salad, Lou? He was already picking at it this morning, he loves the beets, I told him, Lou, leave the beets for later...so we may be short on beets.....did you speak with your sister today, Nikkola has poopies, I hope they can come....'
     
  6. (Brief ethnographic note for the benefit of new readers who may have just joined us)
    The Irish, it seems, do not know what anchovies are. In the ancient language of the country, the word for anchovy seems to be, "beal na furloghspa," which, loosely translated means, "Fish That Is Not Salmon." The same word seems to have been used for trout, bass, bluefin tuna, mako shark, and gefilte.
    (We now return to the idle reveries of the Guatemalan cleaning girl, who remembers suddenly what her rage at Waldo and Greta caused her to put in the bacon-bits tray of that self-service bar in the restaurant far away - 400 miles, at least. She begins to think of antidotes, and of prison.)

    Update -- The Author regrets to inform us that the ancient Skylark that he got for free on an Alzheimer's grant from his late aunt just gave up the ghost a few blocks from home. There wil be a short delay in the proceedings while the unpleasant man from the auto club is summoned away from his loved ones. Until then, please enjoy these canned interviews we taped in spring training.
     
  7. Bubbler

    Bubbler Well-Known Member

    Can we spare a thought for the forlorn turkey currently adorning the top of the SJ board?

    It's waving its wing pathetically, as if to say, "I'm fucked."

    And it is. Listen forlorn turkey, I'll be throwing down some of your dark meat in t-minus two hours. Your pathetic display can't save you now.

    I'll post my tryptophan (sp???)-fueled Thanksgiving experience later. I WILL top my brother-in-law in life somehow!!
     
  8. JR

    JR Well-Known Member

    Besides thinking of the turkey, think of your SportsJournalists.com colleagues in Canuckistan who are putting in a hard day's work.
     
  9. Huggy

    Huggy Well-Known Member

    At least until the Dolphins game comes on at 12:30....
     
  10. 21

    21 Well-Known Member

    'I don't know if we can come.'

    My brother. Perhaps a brief flashback to last year is appropriate at this time:

    "I don't know if we can come."
    "You will be here at five."
    "I don't think so."
    "Because?"
    "Marcee has no pants."
    "She has no pants?"
    "Well, she has pants, but she doesn't like the way they fit."
    "What's wrong with the way they fit?"
    "She can't get them up over her hips."
    "Do you think anyone will notice?"
    "21, can you not be a bitch about it? She says she'll only come if we can tell everyone she's pregnant."
    "Marcee is pregnant?"
    "Hell, no, but it would explain the pants. I told her she can wear sweats, so if we come, just tell her you really like her pants, make sure Mom hears you."
    "I will see you at five."
    "If we can come. I'll ask Marcee."
     
  11. Guy_Incognito

    Guy_Incognito Well-Known Member

    Great story Twentee-Wun.
     
  12. spaceman

    spaceman Active Member

    I just called my family from the office. Talked to brothers. Youngest bro is watching football. Mom yells out for him to come talk to me. He says he's watching football and doesn't want to budge out of the seat for fear someone will steal his prime chair.

    "Mom, it's OK. I talked to him last week."

    The haranguing ensues until youngest bro finally comes to the phone.

    "What? Dammit, happy bleeping Thanksgiving to you too, pal, I'm watching the game."

    "Dude, I told them to leave you alone, besides the game's in commercial, wait here it comes now, HOLY CRAP WHAT A PLAY!!!"

    "Good bye." Click. Hahahahahah
     
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