Crossed Giblets Of Death III -- The Reckoning

Good luck digger. Hope everything works out.

 

Today, we have gathered to say goodbye to a dear friend. Although Lou died from acute Glade poisoning, his dear wife was right there with him. While her brassiere clenched her breasts, she clenched tightly to Lou's right hand. All the while, he was gripping his heart and squeezing his colon, which dumped out the last drops of his life. We'll never forget you, Lou. May heaven be filled with avocados and reruns of Archie Bunker.

 

"Are you happy with your bosom, 21?"

That sounds like something out of Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret.

21, Judy Blume knows your hell.

 

8) You can hear Margaret's grandma, I know. All those Expressly Made sweaters....

 

Oh dear ... maybe AYTGIMM is a forerunner of the child that will come from 21's and Boom's relationship. Margaret was the child of a Christian-Jewish marriage.

Holy damn.

 

With any luck, our daughter will take after him, and not become a bratty writer who pillages her mother on a message board.

 

I'm just a little more content, knowing my mom isn't near as batshit crazy as yours. But she's still batshit crazy.

 

It's a little known fact that 21's ancestors came to America from Sweden.

Here, YouTube provides the dark beginnings of her long family nightmare.

 

Throw a little kugel on that table and that's about right.

At least now I know why mother is saving that branch.

This will not go over well at the bat mitzvah.

 

thanksgiving, part II, is saturday at the shockey estate. chanukah party. 20 people, including seven kids. the folks are bringing kosher deli from brooklyn -- roast beef, pastrami, corned beef, tongue, potatoe latkas, kasha varnishkes... mmm-mmm. cheesecake, apple crumb pie, lemon meriengue pie, assorted cookies.

poor mrs. shockey gets the second jewish invasion since turkey day. her joy: putting up the xmas tree and all the other xmas decorations in time to greet the in-laws. ;D ;D ;D

my mom: "is that everything we need, sweetheart? i think that's it. we'll bring the paper plates and plastic knives and forks. do you have coffee? let me know. tell mrs. shockey all she has to get are the sodas for the children. she makes the house feel so well, comfy for us. it's such a home. it comes alive. we'll be there at 4."

which probably means they'll be here at 3:30, "because the traffic was a pleasure. besides, you know we like to help mrs. shockey set up."

even though mrs. shockey HATES when they come early. oh, well. there will be plenty of white wine flowing. and mrs. shockey really does adore my family. but twice in 16 days does seem like cruel and unusual punishment.