Crazy neighbors

Alright, I'm at the end of my rope. I live in a converted house, on the second floor, over a guy in his mid-50's who's on disability. No car, no job. He's cantankerous and irrational, and has taken to blasting his stereo at 7:45 in the morning occasionally. I'm guessing he does that when I've made too much noise the night before by, you know, walking around my own apartment. (The NERVE!) So, last night, my car's transmission just about bit the dust. I was able to drag it home, but I parked it facing out onto the street for reasons that are a little too complex to bore anyone with. Because I had to back it in, I couldn't quite get it all the way over to the side of the two-car space. This morning, as I went out to start it and (unsuccessfully) try to get it into gear, I had this note taped to my driver's side window. And let me remind you one more time, he does not own a car.

"MertWindu, if my car was parked in its spot, then your car would not be parked where it is now. You did not leave enough room for me to park. I don't know what your problem is, but I will overlook it this time. Next time I will call the police and ask for the car to be towed away. MertWindu, you annoy and disturb my private and personal life as well as my quite [sic] enjoyment hours, so I have spoken to my two medical doctors about how this is affecting my health, and they agree that something can be done about you living above me. The past year you have caused much stress and anxiety to me and I do not wish to live like this anymore. I hope that you understand me."

Thoughts? Opinions? Crazy neighbor stories? Ideas for how I can surreptitiously plant tuna in his drainpipe to make things really interesting this summer?

 

Take a claw hammer and go put that poor suffering fucker out of his misery!

 

Tell him to die in a fire. Offer to start it for him if he can't get a match to light.

 

Dear fucker. My transmission on my car died last night, so I couldn't put it in the proper spot for your imaginary car.
Unless you back off, you will join my transmission.

 

I would tell him you agree with him and suggest that the best solution would be for him to move.

 

I like that one...

 

Perhaps he's not angry that you parked in the spot he puts his imaginary car. Perhaps he's angry because you ran over his invisible friend.

 

How about a combination of this one and the one about the imaginary car?

 

Mert could offer to let him use his parking space for a couple days to park his imaginary moving van.

 

Tell your landlord the guy's got a meth lab in his bathroom.

 

Sneak into the guy's place while he's out servicing his imaginary car and cover his toilet seat with plastic wrap. If that doesn't contribute to the guy's medical problems, you're just not trying hard enough.

 

the "something can be done" sounds like a threat.

a. call the landlord. show him the note. tell him you fear for your safety.
b. call the cops. a good cop would pay this guy a visit. this sounds to me like a threat of violence.