Competitve high school bass fishing

In Ontario we have/had archery, although not officially sanctioned by the provincial schools athletic association. I also think they do 3D archery. (Shoot at pretend animals in the wild),

 

Wait till you have to cover JV bass fishing.

 

Hunting and fishing have never been, and never will be competitive activities. They're not even sports. They are participatory activities.
The smartest largemouth bass ever caught was by an idiot with a cane pole.

Fuck all this competitive hunting and fishing shit, and fuck square in the ass B.A.S.S., which pretty much started all this shit.

Jebus.

 

My question is this: Most high school athletic associations talk about competitive advantage for private/open-boundaried schools. What about competitive advantage in bass fishing for school districts that can afford a kick-ass bass-fishing boat? Huh? Is it fair that inner-city Johnny has to fish from the shoreline while Richie Rich drinks Fiji water in the middle of the lake on his $30,000 boat?

 

I guess I wouldn't be able to cover competitive prep fishing. I can't tell a smart bass from a dumb one.

 

They're all equally stupid, Ace, even though they're in schools. I should have probably clarified that. No bass is smarter than another, simply because they have no access to post-secondary education. That's why they pretty much suck at holding kick-ass parties.

 

The dumb ones are the ones that get caught.

And let me guess what the quotes will be in said fish stories:

"They just weren't biting today," said last place finisher Rod Pole.

or

"We would have won except for the big one that got away," lamented Coach Reel.

 

I bet vouchers would work. Or maybe No Bass Left Behind.

Get on it.

 

Editors Note: Reporter Richard Head was shot and killed while covering the Southern Illinois Shoot to Thrill Open yesterday. Due to this unforeseen circumstance, we are unable to print the results of this event. We apologize for any inconvenience this causes our readers.

 

"This was a big win," coach Bait said. "We fished well."

Edit: OR ... "We fished hard."
Take you pick.

 

We thought it was our time to fish. Turns out it was time to cut bait.

 

This is not Nam. This is bass fishing. There are rules. :