Commencement speeches

The speaker at my commencement was some woman who was an alum and president of one of the schools at Rutgers U. I can't remember a damn thing she said.

The following year the speaker was Mr. Rogers. My senior class, we wuz robbed.

 

Mine, on Sunday, had no one except for the school's president and other faculty members. Pretty sure "commencement speakers" were on the Governator's budget chopping block (not trying to be political, honestly).

 

I never got to experience a college commencement speech.

I hope to get to hear one in about 2 years.

What are the odds that it will be directed to a 40-something-old person like myself and not a 20-something-year-old?

I'm guessing pretty fucking slim.

I'm just saying.

Bring it on, Bitches. I bet there is nothing anyone could say to me at my college graduation that I don't know already.

 

I forgot who I had, but Cal Ripken, Jr. spoke the following year. Son of a...

 

Probably should have flunked a few classes to prolong that college career.

 

As I mentioned, my class got some broad from the Vatican.

My younger brother got Frank Deford.

Fucker.

 

Some grad from 1950 who has donated a shit ton of money to the university spoke at my graduation. Then again, it was a December graduation, which draws the E-list, right?

 

If I was giving a commencement address, I would start by saying:

"Congratulations, you are all now officially unemployed!"