Columnist, Eugene Oregon

at the u of o, there are no beer bongs because it would be a waste of a perfectly good bong.

 

And, like everywhere in Oregon, you don't get to pump your own gas.

 

OK, you brought it up so I gotta ask ... what is up with that?

 

I heard it was to create more jobs, but that's probably not true. All I know is, the first time I was driving through Oregon to stop and get gas, I about punched this guy for trying to do it. I thought he was trying to get me to pay for full-service or something.

 

As a native -- but now displaced -- Oregonian, here are my theories on having service station attendants pump your gas in my fair homeland.

1.) Does create more jobs: One 19-hour, minimum-wage week at a time.

2.) Keeps little old ladies out of the rain. Yes, it does rain that much in Oregon.

3.) Perpetuates credit fraud as station attendants write down your card number and expiration date when they go in to ring you up. Remember: cash is king.

Last time I was back visiting my folks, I started going to pump my own and a dude literally sprinted out of the office to stop me as if I was playing with the President's nuclear briefcase.

 

Sounds to me like RFB-Boy's No. 3 answer is how the person involved with the No. 1 makes ends meet.

 

Friend of mine from California got a job as deputy fire chief in Salem, Ore. As he got near town on his move, he stopped for gas. The attendant saw his California license plate and refused to sell him any. Oregonians hate Californians, especially if they are moving there. My friend grabbed him by the throat and shoved him next to a wall. He told him, "If your fucking gas station catches on fire, I'm gonna be the one here trying to put it out ... so FILL UP MY FUCKING CAR RIGHT NOW." Welcome to town, eh?

 

I've had similar experiences, RFB. Wonder where these Fuel Dispensation Technicians received their certification....

As for reasons behind this phenomenon, I've read lawmakers feel/felt it was too dangerous to have untrained people dispensing flammable liquid ... doubtless, these laws were passed yonks ago and TPTB don't want to be seen depriving people of employment. Guess having more low-end jobs wins out over cheaper, more convenient gas.

 

gas, as a whole, is cheaper in oregon than it is in california or washington.

 

dear penthouse sportsjournalists forum, i never i'd be lucky enough to write you, but, i have this reaaal cool friend ...

 

Brother's father-in-law was a gas station attendant in Washington in one of the last places to still have full service. When they canned it -- and him -- he moved his family to Oregon to continue his "career."

Knowing my brother, it could be total bullshit, but it made me laugh all the same.