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College Football Week 13: Lane Kiffin, altar boy

Discussion in 'Sports and News' started by Versatile, Nov 20, 2012.

  1. Versatile

    Versatile Active Member

    This week's top games, featuring the SportsJournalists.com poll, Sportsbook.ag's early lines and p.m. Eastern times unless noted:

    Tuesday, Nov. 20

    Akron at Toledo (-19), 7, ESPN2
    LeBron James is taking his talents to Toledo, where he can hope to win an FBS game.

    Thursday, Nov. 22

    TCU at No. 18 Texas (-8½), 7:30, ESPN
    Mack Brown's index and pinkie fingers are always pointed up during Thanksgiving dinner.

    Friday, Nov. 23

    Ohio at No. 22 Kent State (-10½), 11 a.m., ESPNU
    Darrell Hazel probably needs to explain that 47-14 loss to Kentucky his team received for its only loss.

    No. 16 Nebraska (-15) at Iowa, 12, ABC
    This newfangled rivalry matchup is called the Heroes Game. Iowa running backs prefer hoagies when stoned.

    No. 24 Northern Illinois (-20) at Eastern Michigan, 1
    If the Huskies win the Mid-American Conference, some asshat at your poker game is going to suggest Jordan Lynch as a Heisman Trophy candidate. Punch him in the dick.

    No. 8 LSU (-12½) at Arkansas, 2:30, CBS
    John L. Smith is hoping he can take this rumored boot home because it matches the one Razorback nation shoved up his ass.

    Utah (-22½) at Colorado, 3, FX
    The 2012 Buffaloes are to Pac-12 Conference football what Courtney Love was to 1990s grunge. They showed up drunk, and everybody fucked them at least once.

    Washington (-11½) at Washington State, 3:30, Fox
    For Mike Leach, Black Friday follows Thirsty Thursday.

    West Virginia (-1) at Iowa State, 3:30, ABC
    With a win, Paul Rhoads will be .500 in four years with the Cyclones. Auburn plans on hiring him as God.

    South Florida at Cincinnati, 7, ESPN
    The 3-7 Bulls received the same number of votes in the preseason poll as Texas A&M.

    Arizona State at Arizona (-3), 10:30, ESPN
    The Wildcats may have played the toughest schedule in the country. Rich Rodriguez sleeps with a stuffed Wilbur doll. These things are related.

    Saturday, Nov. 24

    No. 21 Michigan at No. 3 Ohio State (-4), 12, ABC
    Devin Gardner burned a recruiting letter from Ohio State. Johnathan Hankins plans on burning Gardner's career.

    Georgia Tech at No. 4 Georgia (-13), 12, ESPN
    Jarvis Jones will be reading up all week on what counts as a sack against option plays.

    Connecticut at No. 19 Louisville (-12), 12
    Jim Calhoun and Rick Pitino have a concubine wager on this game.

    No. 20 Rutgers at Pittsburgh (-2), 12, ESPN2
    This could be the Big Ten Conference's best chance at a nonconference road win against the Atlantic Coast Conference.

    Kentucky at Tennessee (-13½), 12:20
    It would be irresponsible for the announcers at this game to acknowledge the play on the field at any point.

    No. 5 Oregon (-10) at No. 15 Oregon State, 3
    The BCS title game don't need no Civil War.

    Idaho at No. 25 Utah State (-39), 3
    The Aggies were seven points from a BCS berth.

    Auburn at No. 2 Alabama (-31½), 3:30, CBS
    dixiehack says I am not allowed to talk trash.

    No. 6 Florida at No. 7 Florida State, 3:30, ABC
    Caleb Sturgis and Dustin Hopkins are the nation's two best kickers. This seems pertinent.

    Oklahoma State at No. 14 Oklahoma (-7), 3:30, ESPN
    Blake Bell scores on 19.6 percent of his carries. Landry Jones has not carried the ball this season.

    Wisconsin at Penn State (-2½), 3:30, ESPN2
    Montee Ball could score seven touchdowns in each of the Badgers' final three games this season and still be one short of last season's total.

    No. 12 Stanford (-2) at No. 15 UCLA, 6:30, Fox
    The last time a Hogan went to Los Angeles, he changed his nickname to Hollywood and worked for a rival promotion.

    Missouri at No. 10 Texas A&M, 7, ESPN2
    It was great of the Southeastern Conference to preserve this long-standing Big 12 Conference rivalry.

    No. 1 Notre Dame (-3) at Southern Cal, 8, ABC
    Matt Barkley still prefers this to the Redskins.
     
  2. Yodel

    Yodel Active Member

    The thread title made me laugh. It's terrible. But I laughed.
     
  3. Baron Scicluna

    Baron Scicluna Well-Known Member

    Actually, Hogan went to Atlanta for the rival promotion, not LA.

    Carry on.
     
  4. Steak Snabler

    Steak Snabler Well-Known Member

    No Egg Bowl?
     
  5. Chef2

    Chef2 Well-Known Member

    The Utah @ Colorado game had me howling.

    Brilliant.
     
  6. Big Circus

    Big Circus Well-Known Member

    Or Commonwealth Cup? BUT THE HOKIES CAN GO TO A BOWL!
     
  7. Versatile

    Versatile Active Member

    I'll make sure to work harder next time, bosses.
     
  8. MileHigh

    MileHigh Moderator Staff Member

    Fantastic.
     
  9. Songbird

    Songbird Well-Known Member

    Ohio plus-10.5
    NIU over
    Wazzu plus-11.5
    Ohio State over
    Georgia Tech plus-13
    Pitt
    Oregon over
    Florida 12, Florida State 11
    Stanford
    Mizzou over
    Notre Dame 50, USC 7
     
  10. I Should Coco

    I Should Coco Well-Known Member

    Also left out: Saturday's battle for the Old Oaken Bucket.

    If Purdue wins, that bucket will get the sh&#$@! kicked out of it by some SEC or Big 12 team in a bowl game.
     
  11. Dick Whitman

    Dick Whitman Well-Known Member

    Wow, Notre Dame only -3. Wow.
     
  12. JackReacher

    JackReacher Well-Known Member

    And the Redskins prefer what they have to Matt Barkley.
     
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