Coach's strategy for not talking to the press

This is the most ridiculous practice of all.

At my last shop we use to have what I would call stupid sport day -- typically Thursdays - as we would have a full page devoted to swimming and wrestling in the winter.

The most ridiculous thing was a feature called "Top swims" and basically it was the five best times in every event as reported to us.

Of course, the week going into the district swim meet -- everybody's time dropped by ridiculous amonts in every event.

Why? Did they get faster?

No, the coaches would all report slow times to try and "trick" the other coaches.

There is just one problem with that -- swimming is one of those fraternities where swimmers all swim against each other at big meets and AAU-like events all year long -- so there is no fooling anyone because everyone who is around swimming knows the fast swimmers and what they are actually capable of.

After two years of this BS I made the executive -- well OK low-level assistant sports editor of a four-man staff -- decision to ditch the feature -- which of course caused loud cries and belly-aching but fuck 'em - I told them we are in the business of printing the truth and not participating in that silliness.

As for this wrestling coach idiot -- it is tempting to make him look like a fool -- the best suggestion, however, was just find a parent whose kid is one of the starters and ask him to call in the results after the matches so you can run the results.

The worst thing you could do is get into a pissing match with these parents as after all it is really just about trying to get some kids names in the paper and if the adults on the other side are idiots, it is up to us to try and just be bigger adults about it.

 

A few years ago, an area volleyball team was in the midst of five state titles in a row. We'd do a preview tab on them and the other three teams in their division. One of those other teams was in the final four with our local team a few times and had to play them in the semifinal a couple times.

She'd do the interview, but would never give me anything on her players, saying, "I don't want to give (local team's coach) any information on us."
Thing is, it never mattered. The local team, which was in the state's smallest division, routinely took it to everyone it played, regardless of size, and never worried about an opponent's key player.

 

I look at it this way: They don't call, and I no longer lose sleep over it. If parents call, I'll say, "Well, the coach usually calls it in. He must have been (busy/tired/preoccupied/whatever plausible bullshit thing I can think of.)" They either get on his/her ass to call, or they don't.

I refuse to spend one more minute on people who can't be bothered. They're adults, and I'm not a baby-sitter. We do call them for previews and such, but we don't go out of the way to wet-nurse them over the phone anymore.

 

Damn media. You never cover my school's matches!

 

Sadly "The coach didn't return my call" reason/excuse doesn't fly with most of my disgruntled readers.

 

And at that point, I tell them the rule: If we get a call, the result gets in. If we don't, it doesn't. And I present it as a fait accompli. If they get the coach to call, it gets in. I tell them I'm sorry, and I get off the phone. I'm polite, and even a little apologetic if the people are kind in their protests. But I stick to it. Now, I have suggested they call the AD, which usually works like a blowtorch. But I usually reserve that option. I have plenty of stuff to put in the paper, almost all of it less labor-intensive than roundup items.

 

I do the same thing. Fortunately for us, the vast majority of our coaches call in all their results. We've got a handful of schools where the athletic director makes it mandatory. I send an e-mail before each season to the ADs, and ask that they pass it on the appropriate coaches (it's got the office number, tips on how to report scores, deadlines, etc...). Honestly, of the roughly 70 basketball teams in our coverage area (varsity, JV, middle school ... girls and boys), I'd say about 60-65 of them regularly call in their scores. All our high school wrestling teams but one call in their scores. And if I don't get a call-in and a parent calls and complains, I'm selling the coach out in a heartbeat. Sorry Lady, I ain't staffing your kid's middle school basketball game; tell your coach to dial the number. Don't have the number? It's on Page 2B every-freaking-day.

 

Then they're not being reasonable. Stop worrying about it.

 

Go nuclear. The AD will side with the coach the majority of the time.

Start with the principal, THEN go to the Superintendent.

If that gets no action, write them off.

Of course, make sure your SE, ME and publisher know about this ahead of time, so they don't get ambushed by a calling campaign of bitching parents, and launch off on some "the customer is always right" shit-fit.

 

Wrestling coaches! UGH!!

 

C'mon people. This is HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS for God's sake, not World War III military strategy. If someone wants to scout your damn team, they can buy a $5 ticket and sit in the stands with a video camera.

What's next, little league?

 

Then I reply that you can hire me back the two sports writers you laid off in the last 8 years, and we'll staff their fucking matches with bells on.