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Class 5A girls basketball state final story

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by bballscribe, Mar 21, 2007.

  1. bballscribe

    bballscribe Member

    Any critique would be welcomed :)

    ====
    AUSTIN - Cy-Fair was 11 minutes away from a Class 5A state championship.

    The Lady Bobcats held a six-point advantage with three minutes remaining in the third quarter. The momentum was theirs, and Rockwall appeared on the brink of desperation.

    And then it was all gone in an instant.

    Over the final three minutes of the quarter, the Lady Yellowjackets went on a blistering 11-2 run en route to a 59-54 overtime victory before a crowd of 10,105 at the Frank Erwin Center on March 3.

    "That killed us," Bobcats coach Ann Roubique said. "We came off the floor after that run, and you could tell that things just weren't going the way we needed them to go."

    It wasn't an overwhelming scoring spree-and Cy-Fair did recover-but it was how it happened that deflated the Bobcats' spirits.

    Still holding a three-point advantage with thirty seconds remaining, Rockwall guard Genevieve Campbell (17 points, seven rebounds) drilled a 3-pointer from the right corner to tie the game.

    Just mere seconds later, following a Cy-Fair turnover, senior Haley Day-the class 5A state tournament MVP- connected on a jump shot from the top of the key, and was fouled in the process.

    Before Roubique could blink, the Yellowjackets had a 40-37 lead after Cy-Fair had been in sound control for the majority of the second half.

    "The little things made a difference," Roubique said. "There were times when we didn't take care of those things and didn't take advantage of opportunities that were given to us."

    Missed opportunities

    It was those missed chances that would doom the Bobcats.

    In a game that featured nine ties and 14 lead changes, Cy-Fair was never able to maintain a consistent rhythm on either side of the ball.

    Its 3-1-1 press and zone defense helped stay within striking distance. But two Bobcat traits-low turnovers and sharp perimeter shooting-aided Rockwell's cause.

    Cy-Fair committed 17 turnovers-which led to 19 Rockwell points-and missed 14 of its 17 3-point attempts.

    But still, the Bobcats never lost poise.

    After the Yellowjackets' tide-turning run, the Bobcats went to a consistent dose of junior Nneka Ogwumike (28 points, 14 rebounds).

    The 6-2 post scored five consecutive points to open the fourth quarter as Cy-Fair regained a two-point lead, 42-40.

    Yet when Roubique took out senior point guard Carli Bakondy for a quicker and more athletic backcourt, her offense struggled as a result.

    The Bobcats committed five turnovers in the final six minutes of the game as Rockwall mounted another furious rally when Campbell hit another 3-pointer-this one from the left corner-for another tie game at 48.

    "They kept driving the lane and that's where they were hurting us," Roubique said. "They were doing such a good job of penetrating and we had to stay in a zone for the help defense."

    The Yellowjackets had one last chance for the game-winning basket, but junior Megan Majewski stole the ball away in the closing seconds of regulation to force overtime.


    Last shot


    But after Ogwumike nailed a 3-pointer to give Cy-Fair a 52-51 lead early in overtime, Rockwall had seen enough.

    Day (15 points, five rebounds) connected on a jumper to regain the lead for good for the Yellowjackets, and when Ogwumike fouled out, due to her fourth offensive foul of the game, with 21 seconds remaining, the hopes of a Bobcat comeback seemed bleak.

    "It was very frustrating," Ogwumike said. "I was trying to avoid it but it didn't end up that way. (The 21 seconds) felt like 21 weeks. But we remained fighting and just got the short end."

    Trailing 57-54 with seven seconds left, junior Mansa El's 3-point attempt from the right wing was blocked by Campbell. And with it, Cy-Fair's dreams of a state title were snuffed as well.

    "We were hoping somebody else would step up," Roubique said. "The effort was still there but we just didn't have anybody step up. Obviously, we want Nneka in the game when the game is on the line, but when she's not there, it's the rest of the team's job to take advantage of the opportunity they just got."

    It was Rockwall's second consecutive trip to Austin. With seven seniors on its roster, Rockwall finished with a 40-0 record and the No.3 ranking in the nation, according to USA Today.

    Cy-Fair amassed a 39-1 overall record, with just one senior on its 11-man roster.

    "We held on and still fought and hung in there," Roubique said. "It came down to the end and they just held on a little tighter than we did. I'm not sure if the experience had anything to do with that or not, but we both had the same thing at stake and they just finished better than we did."
     
  2. Taylee

    Taylee Member

    Hope this isn't too harsh, but I do hope this helps.

    First of all, I think you missed the lead of the story.
    Two 39-0 teams playing for the big school state title and it goes to overtime. That's your lead. I don't care if you're writing for a daily or weekly, that's your best option.
    And if not, that point needs to be mentioned well before the final three graphs of the story.

    A six-point lead in the third quarter is not basis for desperation in a game between 39-0 teams. That's two possessions.
    Even if that is your lead, you need to explain how a 39-0 team can be on the brink of being desperate when trailing by six points in the third quarter. Did the other team go on a 15-2 run? Were there a bunch of turnovers?
    It's seems you were trying too hard to set a scene that wasn't there.

    *Good example of letting facts support what you've written:
    But two Bobcat traits-low turnovers and sharp perimeter shooting-aided Rockwell's cause.
    Cy-Fair committed 17 turnovers-which led to 19 Rockwell points-and missed 14 of its 17 3-point attempts.
    However, there's a typo: Rockwall, not Rockwell. A spellcheck won't show the error, but it will let you see the difference.

    *Don't try to overwrite with useless words and phrases.
    "blistering 11-2 run" should be an 11-2 run.
    "mere" seconds later. What is mere? Two, three, 15? Be specific.

    "deflated the Bobcats' spirits" How did it when they recovered to go to OT. It would have "deflated the Bobcats' spirits" if the Yellowjackets had gone on to win by 15.

    "furious rally" from what? A three-, four- or five-point deficit. That's nothing furious.

    "thirty seconds" should be 30 seconds

    There are differing opinions, but I don't allow the use of "drilled" or "nailed" when making a shot in basketball.

    "Before Roubique could blink" That's just not good.

    She's not a post, she's a post player, at least that's our style. Same goes for wing player.

    Other notes:
    *"Yet when Roubique took out senior point guard Carli Bakondy for a quicker and more athletic backcourt, her offense struggled as a result." I would use quicker, but not athletic. Where I live, I avoid things such as because most of the time it means that the coach took out the white kid and replaced her with a black kid. So we don't use it. If it's that important, get the coach to say it. You have a quote about the team penetrating the zone defense, but it doesn't fully explain the switch.

    *"Trailing 57-54 with seven seconds left, junior Mansa El's 3-point attempt from the right wing was blocked by Campbell. And with it, Cy-Fair's dreams of a state title were snuffed as well. "
    The last sentence is not good. I'd rather see "ended" than "snuffed" if you go with the useless sentence. What happened in the final seven seconds? Was there a foul? Some girl flip the ball in the air that ran out the clock? A lot can happen in seven seconds.

    *Still holding a three-point advantage with thirty seconds remaining, Rockwall guard Genevieve Campbell (17 points, seven rebounds) drilled a 3-pointer from the right corner to tie the game.
    The way that's written, it tells me that Rockwall had the lead, which it didn't.
    Corrected:
    With Cy-Fair still holding a three-point lead (I'd be specific with the score) with 30 seconds remaining, Rockwall guard ...
     
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