Chocolate Wonderfall

Golden Corral is ... fucking gross. All buffet places are. The one where I live had so many health violations it got shut down.

But somehow, every time I drive past one elsewhere, the parking lot is packed.

And, of course, there's the commercial for the amazing Chocolate Wonderfall.

Yes ... let me stick random food items in a "wonderfall" where the chocolate has probably been recycled more than Madonna's vagina.

It's like the Land Of Dairy Queen by way of Mordor. I wouldn't stick my dick in the Chocolate Wonderfall.

Someone explain to me how that thing is remotely appealing?

 

It's not. But last I heard they also offered cotton candy. Which made the 40 minute drive to the nearest one REALLY appealing.

 

Better there than at the Melting Pot

 

Bubs, you would so stick your dick in there. You fool no one.

 

No mention of his supple a... oh, never mind.

I've seen this item of which Bubbler blasts. I wouldn't eat anything from it. Almost too oily to be anything resembling chocolate, anyway.

Power of advertising, I guess ...

 

I know I would, but I'd be deathly afraid my cock would get salmonella poisoning.

 

Today is gonna be the day
That I'm gonna stick my dick in you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what I'm gonna do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

I'll tell you, son
Don't wanna risk salmonella poison
Soaked to my balls
Chocolate wonderfall

 

I bet I'd like Mike Flowers Pops' version of that better, too.

 

I have tears. Those first two lines are so awesome.

 

So, so awesome.

Depending on the viscosity of the Chocolate Wonderfall, I don't think anyone can deny it would be fun to fuck it. Rivulets of chocolate pleasure.

 

Last time I visited my mom and her husband, I offered to take them out for dinner anywhere in town. My mom's husband immediately asked if I like Golden Corral. I told him that I would take them anywhere but Golden Corral. Granted, it's a town of 40,000 with limited dining options, but jeez. We ended up going out for BBQ.

A certain group of people think all you can eat = good deal. Never mind the fact that the quality of the food is crap, it is unlimited!!

My favorite Golden Corral commercial is one that hyped the Chocolate Wonderfall around Valentine's day. It had a group of couples, but mainly women, talking about how much they loved the Wonderfall. Yes, nothing like a 4,000 calorie meal capped by a fried chicken leg dipped in chocolate that will drop the panties.

 

My little hometown has very few actual good restaurants. This is a major frustration point with me when I go home, and something I've noticed (even among some of my family) is that a restaurant I think is good -- because of flavor, ingredients and not being a goddamned chain -- is looked down upon because, so often, the portion sizes just aren't big enough.

If it came down to it, my mother (who's not big or closed-minded) would always rather go to a Golden Corral or Red Lobster instead of the organic local place down the way, because unless you leave a meal out feeling sick, you didn't get your money's worth. Maybe it's a generational thing. Regardless, it's weird to me. And in my town, the Golden Corral is always packed.