Child support (a spinoff of the stepfamilies thread)

Getting to the point where I'm beyond pissed off. But as you're going to read, my hands are tied and I don't know what else to do.

The eldest princess is actually my stepdaughter. The queen and I didn't meet until the eldest princess was nearly 2. She calls me "dad" and I consider her my own. My family has always treated her like the family. We pay for her medical care and we've never asked her father for a dime even though he's supposed to pay more than 70 percent.

The problem is he rarely pays child support. Is he out of a job? No. He owns a (very successful) construction company. Basically, he's loaded. Always driving brand-new, $25,000 pickup trucks, buying better, bigger homes, hiring bands to play his stepdaughter's high school graduation, etc. Yet, he rarely pays child support.

The princess is down there paying a visit right now. Just found out through her father's Facebook that he's going to buy his stepdaughter a new car. I don't know if new means brand-spankin' new, but I can bet it won't be a clunker. He treats his stepdaughter better than his own flesh and blood. Hey, I'm glad he doesn't treat a stepchild like shit. But when he blatantly favors her over his own daughter?

So, I know there are dozens of ways to collect child support. Call the state, right? We don't live in the same state as he does. Our state tell us we have to go through his state. His state tells us we have to go through our state. He gets paid in personal checks or cash, so he doesn't have a paycheck we can draw from. I can almost bet he doesn't do taxes. He knows the system. Used to use multiple names/IDs to keep out of jail. While his state has revoked his driver's license (in theory, he gets arrested if pulled over), I bet he has a backup license. Like I said, he just knows how to fall through the cracks.

He was paid up about five years ago, and we thought that he was going to start paying so he didn't fall in a hole again. Nope. We've received something like five payments in four years. Some bigger than what he owes, some smaller. We haven't seen a dime since last October. While he spoils his other daughter (9 years old, compared to my daughter being 12) and stepdaughter with lavish gifts, including top-of-the-line cell phones, he gives my daughter hand-me-down phones that barely work. He never calls her. He occasionally sends her a Facebook message. He took her on vacation for the first time this year. She's almost 12 and he's never taken her on vacation.

I just don't know what can be done. He's a fucking prick who simply does this to get back at my wife, I know. I just wish there was something we could do.

End of rant.

 

Sucks to hear it King.

Here's a link that I found that discusses the Uniform Interstate Family Support Act, which is supposed to clear up confusion when the parent that's supposed to pay lives in another state:

http://www.ehow.com/how_15163_understand-interstate-child.html

Plus another link:

http://www.ehow.com/how_2304306_support-he-lives-out-state.html

And personally, I'd screen-save his Facebook pages, to use as evidence against him, and contact the IRS about his construction business (Use phone numbers and any advertisements/signs as evidence).

 

It's really quite amazing the things that parents will do to their children, either to hurt them or those who care for them. Without going too much into my situation, we have guardianship of my 16-yo niece. We were begged — and I am not overstating that — to take her by my sister and finally did after much discussion and visitation with the entire family, who convinced us this was the only option. We love the kid, always have and had and have no issue with her, but knew my sister would be holy hell to deal with despite the fact that she — again — begged us to take this step.

Well now it's on and the hate and venom spewing toward both the girl and us is increasing both in volume and vitriol.

I really have nothing to add here but my sympathy and to confirm that, yes, some people are just plain assholes who have no trouble behaving in a way that will cause irreparable damage to those they are supposed to most care for. Further, they blame their issues on their kids, and seem to revel in "paying them back." We also are supposed to see monthly money, but have no true expectation and, quite frankly, I'd probably pay her the same amount just to go the fuck away and let her daughter live a normal life.

Thanks for listening. Sorry for the rant.

 

Nothing to add here, either, except to echo Lester's point about how people can be assholes even when their own kids are concerned. We're in a similar situation to Lester's -- my wife's 12-year-old cousin is our foster kid -- and the dad is a huge pain in the ass for the sake of being a pain in the ass (using a taxpayer-supplied lawyer to do so, too).

Speaking of, the first thing I thought of when reading your situation was to consult an attorney.

And sorry for another rant when you're looking for answers.

 

three words:

Get a lawyer.

 

I would never recommend that you just keep doing it on your own, but that's what I do. I'm in a position where I don't really need the child support, so I don't push for it. It's not worth the hassle, which is exactly what it would be.

But if it is important to you and the queen, then I agree you should get a lawyer and let him or her off the leash.

 

We get by fine, Double J, which is why we rarely cause a stink about it. Like I said, we pay for all of the princess' medical care and have no qualms of doing so. When we do get support, we treat it like a gift - blow some, save some, give some to the princess to buy clothes, etc.

At this point, it's not worth a long, lengthy legal battle. I hope it never comes to that because like I said, he knows the system.

 

I have a fair amount experience with my wife's douchebag ex and the dumbassery he engages in with respect to my step daughter.

I could lay out a long litany of dumb parenting (who does not want their kid to play soccer??)and life decisions that he has made that find him lurching from one get rich quick scheme to another.

The thing I have learned is that as hard as it is and as much as this guy deserves a donkey puch is that we always try to take the high road and let the lawyers be the assholes when needed.

 

Ok, I read your rant, now here's mine.

The money he owes is hers, not yours. Now you and your wife need to get up off your butts and advocate for her. That money could be used to send her to college. Or a better college.

Call the state bar association for the state in which he lives. Tell them you need a recommendation for a lawyer that specializes in getting child support from a deadbeat dad who lives in that state. They will ask what town or county. Tell them the place where he lives.

I highly doubt this guy is smart enough to stay above the law. Besides which, you don't know until you try, and you certainly don't want to have regrets about leaving stones unturned.

You also don't know it will be a long legal battle. Sometimes a terse letter scares the deadbeat into submission.

Make sure you're working with a lawyer who will take his/her fees from the deadbeat.

 

And Lugnuts hits one out of the park!

 

I appreciate the last 90 percent of your post. I don't the first 10.

First, yes, it's her money. I've never said otherwise. When we spend the child support, whether it's for her savings account or fixing the garage door, the way it's spent affects her in some way. It's not like we spend it on booze or at a casino.

We recently got another letter from the Oklahoma courts. Simply saying they are revoking his license. Again. Which, in turn, gets zero in the way of child support. It used to be, he'd get a threatening letter like this, and a check would be sent. Then they'd get off his back for at least six months.

I don't know her father that well. But the stories I've been told ... I'm telling you, he should have spent the better part of his life in prison. He just knows how to get around it. I'll be honest in that when it comes to her father, I generally say it's a matter for the queen. I have no legal say in the princess' life. If, God forbid, something would happen to the queen, I would likely never see the princess again. I've often told the queen we can use her lawyer and go to court, but she insists he'll still find a way to one-up us. Like I said, she knows him. I don't. I honestly don't think she's being lazy, just that she knows him. Again, we don't NEED the money to give the princess a good life. But when she's getting screwed by her own father, and getting treated worse than her stepsister? I guess it's just a tipping point for me.