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Cancer

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by pallister, Mar 13, 2007.

  1. spup1122

    spup1122 Guest

    I've already sent my thoughts via PM to Pallister, but I'm going to echo what everyone here is saying. When you're talking to him, write it down. Don't necessarily treat it like an interview, but write it down so you can write it out. That way people who wanted to know more about your dad's life can. If you ever have kids and they didn't get to know him, it will be a good way to get to know him.

    My grandfather recently wrote a trasnscript like book for all of his children about his life. I've only seen my dad cry three times and reading that book was one of them.
     
  2. outofplace

    outofplace Well-Known Member

    Ok, definitely time for me to run very far away from this thread.
     
  3. pallister

    pallister Guest

    Thanks everyone for the kind words, support and advice. Although I do feel bad that I've dredged up some bad memories by starting this thread. Sorry about that. Again, though, the thoughts and prayers have been greatly appreciated.

    My dad goes in Friday for a scan to determine if the cancer has spread. If not, there's a chance the tumor can be removed. But the surgeon would have final say for any such procedure, which, given his condition, is life-threatening in and of itself.

    I am using up my vacation time and such to head to Chicago in a couple of weeks to spend three weeks in Chicago with him, and I'm tryng to set up an outing with a bunch of us to take him to a White Sox game while I'm there.

    Also, and it might sound odd to most of you, but tattoos are sort of a family thing, and I'm thinking of getting a tattoo while I'm up north -- sort of a tribute that will always serve as a reminder.
     
  4. The Big Ragu

    The Big Ragu Moderator Staff Member

    Pallister, lost my mom to cancer when I was 21 (before many of the advances they have now). But I don't want this thread to make you think it always ends badly. I just can't give details; it's partially because I don't want to tempt fate. But someone very close to me went through breast cancer--mastectomy, chemo, radiation--and has been clear for about five years. I took her to every one of those weekly chemo hell sessions, and it was hard to watch. Harder for her to go through. Hang in there and think good thoughts. There's a reason why when you google "cancer survivor" you come up with millions of hits.
     
  5. Cosmo

    Cosmo Well-Known Member

    pallister, my thoughts are with you. My father died of lung cancer when I was 17. He was 61 and had quit smoking five years prior to his diagnosis. The cancer was so aggressive that chemo wasn't going to do any good. It just spread so fast. My advice is this: spend as much quality time as you can with him. We had about a two-month window before things went downhill, and by downhill I mean to the point where he couldn't recognize me or anyone else in the family. Everything you need to share, you need to share it now. It will be therapeutic for both of you.

    Also, I am a big proponent of hospice. Those people were unbelievably supportive to my family when my dad was dying, and it meant a lot to him that he could die in dignity at home, in his own bed, with family around him, rather than being stuck in a hospital. We're forever indebted to hospice.
     
  6. EStreetJoe

    EStreetJoe Well-Known Member

    Pallister -- hopefully the scan will show that the cancer hasn't spread. If it hasn't hopefully the surgeon will be able to remove the tumor. I also realized that I haven't said how sorry I am to have heard the news.
    Like others have said, make sure he's happy and comfortable. Help him to enjoy the time he has left, no matter how long or how short. Do not let him fall into the rut of letting the pain and sickness from the chemo beat him to the point where he doesn't want visitors. Make sure he has peace of mind through all of this and make sure you're able to deal with everything as well.
     
  7. pallister

    pallister Guest

    A little off topic here, E, but a break is probably needed. Who's in your avatar?
     
  8. farmerjerome

    farmerjerome Active Member

    Pallister, you and your father will be in my thoughts.

    I was recently diagnosed with skin cancer and a couple of years ago they found a benign brain tumor. I'm lucky to come away with a few scars.

    Best wishes to your dad.
     
  9. EStreetJoe

    EStreetJoe Well-Known Member

    Tift Merritt. Tremendous singer.
    Unfortunately in the midst of changing labels, her official website is down. However you can check out some of her songs on her myspace site-- www.myspace.com/tiftmerritt.

    But if you want to hear her rockin' side, go to amazon.com and listen to samples from her Tambourine album of the title track, Late Night Pilgrim, and Write My Ticket.
     
  10. Frank_Ridgeway

    Frank_Ridgeway Well-Known Member

    There are also hospices that have you live there. My dad's was real nice, nice room, nice workers. He set a record for time spent at that facility, six months. I think the care he received contributed to his living longer than anyone but him expected.

    The one thing about hospices, though, is that they won't accept a patient who doesn't at least superficially admit his situation is hopeless. He is going there to die. So there is no drastic measure taken to extend the patient's life, only to make him as comfortable as possible -- so the family never has to make that decision on when to pull a plug, because there is no plug. My dad signed the papers -- "yeah, I'm gonna die, I get it" -- but I don't think he truly believed it until about two weeks from the end. He was there so long, that I was starting to believe he wasn't going to die. And then on the first day of my last visit, I told him I was going to have to buy a lottery ticket for a big jackpot and he said, "Good luck, but I won't be around to enjoy it." I knew then that it wouldn't be long.

    After my dad died, I read Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' landmark book, "On Death and Dying." It helped, but I wish I had read it before, not after.
     
  11. buckweaver

    buckweaver Active Member

    Great, great advice. That book is an eye-opener.

    As I said before, death is an inevitable part of life. The sooner we all can accept that it is going to happen, to your loved ones and to you, the easier it is to deal with. There is no greater devastation to rebound from, than having someone die that you never -- in your heart -- imagined would ever die. Especially true of your own parents and your own children. But it doesn't have to be that way, and you can -- believe it or not -- do things to prepare yourself.
     
  12. EStreetJoe

    EStreetJoe Well-Known Member

    I might get ripped for this... but I read Mitch Albom's "Tuesdays with Morrie" after I found out my father had a few months to live and it helped me keep things in perspective and deal with everything.
     
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