Butt. butt. butt...

Butts charged with stealing toilet paper

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

MARSHALLTOWN, Iowa -- Police blame a woman named Butts for stealing toilet paper from a central Iowa courthouse, and while they're chuckling, the theft charge could put her in prison.

"She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper," Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. "See, I can't say it with a straight face."

Workers had noticed the rolls disappearing from the Marshall County Courthouse much faster than usual, Walker said.

Butts, 38, was caught last week after an employee saw her taking three rolls of two-ply tissue from a storage closet, Walker said.

Butts insisted it was the first time she'd pilfered toilet paper, but she declined to answer further questions on her attorney's advice.

The fifth-degree theft charge, a misdemeanor, normally carries a sentence of less than a year in jail. But Butts could face more time if convicted under the state's habitual offender law because she has prior theft convictions.

Walker did not know why Butts was at the courthouse, but said that she did not work there.

 

When I read the story's headline, I thought this thread would be about Marion Butts.

 

I heard he made a real ass of himself.

Thank you, I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your bartenders and waitresses.

 

And I thought we were in for another stoob tale.

 

Oz: Or, perhaps, Bertha T. Butt?

 

They got two-ply at the Iowa courthouse? No wonder folks are making off with it.

Stop living high on the hog off the taxpapers.

 

Does not say whether she is kin to Seymour.

 

doctor x: well played. How about Seymour's bro, Harry?

 

This thread is useless without the Newlywed Game sodomy reference:

 

She's got to be related to that old song, "Bertha Butt Boogie"