Bunch of savages in this town

Clerks threadjacks > everything else

 

I definitely wet myself a little bit every time I see one taking place.

 

Obviously. Yeah, hello, this is RST Video, customer number 4352, I need to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes:

Whispers in the Wind
To Each His Own
Put It Where It Doesn't Belong
My Pipes Need Cleaning
All Tit-Fucking Volume 8
I Need Your Cock
Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers
My pussycat Needs Shafts
Cum Clean
Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts
Cum Buns III
Cumming in Socks
Cum On Eileen
Huge Black Cocks and Pearly White Cum
Girls Who Crave Cock
Girls Who Crave pussycat
Men Alone II: the KY Connection
Pink Pussy Lips and, uh, oh yeah,
All Holes Filled with Hard Cock

Uh-huh... yeah... Oh, wait, and, what was that called again?

 

Happy Scrappy Hero Pup!

 

Actually, it's "My (word that I refuse to type, but rhymes with runt) and Eight Shafts"

 

The c-word gets automatically changed to pussycat here. It's a word violation.

 

Cumming in Socks: The mike311gd Story.

Kidding!!! You know I love ya, mikey!!!

Just a feeble attempt at humor

 

That's what happens every time Mikey tries to pick up a woman.

 

DANTE
Oh...Can I help you?

OLD MAN
Well, that depends. Do you have a bathroom?

DANTE
Um...yeah, but it's for employees only.

OLD MAN
I understand, but can I use it? I'm not that young anymore, so I'm kind of...you know...incontinent.

DANTE
Uh...sure. Go ahead. It's back through the cooler.

OLD MAN
Thanks son. Say, what kind of toilet paper you got back there?

DANTE
The white kind.

OLD MAN
I'm not asking about the color. I mean is it rough or cottony?

DANTE
Actually, it is kind of rough.

OLD MAN
Rough, eh? Oh, that stuff knocks the hell out of my hemorrhoids. Say, would you mind if I took a roll of the soft stuff back there. I see you sell the soft stuff.

DANTE
Yeah, but...

OLD MAN
Aw, c'mon boy. What's the difference? You said yourself the stuff that's there now is rough.

DANTE
Yeah, okay. Go ahead.

OLD MAN
Thanks son, you're a lifesaver.


OLD MAN
Say, young fella, you know I hate to bother you again, but can I take a paper or something back there...to read? It usually takes me a while, and I like to read while it's, uhhh ... going on.

 

Are you guys open?

 

Are you sure?...Maybe there's like a vindictive printer working for you...

Meaning like someone who maybe, I don't know, asked her out once and got shot down, and his revenge is throwing this bogus article in when the paper went to press...Hello?...Hello?

 

Do you sell hubcaps for a '72 Pinto hatchback? Ooh, Mini-Trucker magazine!