Broken Toes and Bridesmaids, SJ Ladies Edition

No, I want to keep it.

I'm kind of wondering what I have to pay for. I'm figuring I'm in for dress, shoes, jewelry, hair, nails and my fair share of the bachelorette party --- plus gifts for the shower and wedding. Expensive gifts. Bachelorette party will probably be a wine tour.

Since her sister is the maid of honor, and I'm the matron, I think she'll be helping out more with the shower planning. We're in a small town, so I don't think she'll have more than one shower. I'm thinking of getting her a gift just for her for her shower; a spa day, a gift certificate for a mani/pedi, a gift bag of stuff she might forget for her honeymoon (sunscreen, shampoo, lotion, contact stuff). I'll get her crap for the house for the wedding.

Do I chip in for the shower? I know she didn't chip in for mine -- my parents paid -- but I'm planning on offering.

I know she won't be a bridezilla. She says she'll make sure to accomodate my one request -- that the dress won't make my arms look fat.

 

The first time I was a bridesmaid, it was a quickie wedding so the bride wouldn't show too much. And the bride organized the entire wedding for her project her senior year of high school. We didn't even have a bachelorette party, because we lived in a dinky town in Kansas where there was nothing to do on a normal night. And we were all 18. And two of the bridesmaids got kicked out of the wedding for insubordination of the bride.

(damn do I not miss high school.)

The second one was much more conventional. Buy a dress, alter it, buy shoes that are comfortable, pay for hair. We did our own makeup. Buy a gift. I didn't have to do anything for a shower because I was the only bridesmaid who had moved away and when you're a basketball writer, trying to get away from work in March is next to impossible. (And they all understood that. Because my friends rock.) I think it basically just depends on what kind of shower the bride wants. But that's the area I have practically no expertise in (although I did find a picture of me in a toilet paper dress at my cousin's shower from about 10 years ago. That was fun.)

A bachelorette party also doesn't have to be a big blowout affair. (My second one wasn't...mostly because two of the bridesmaids were sticks in the mud and didn't want to buy super cheap tickets to see the Chippendales, which were performing the night before the wedding in town. Seriously, the rest of us almost went without them, because was there ever a more perfect bachelorette activity than going to see the Chippendales? I think not.) So we ended up going to a liquor store, buying a bunch of wine and polishing off approximately a bottle apiece, playing Apples to Apples and then watching movies while doing some facial spa-type things. It was a nice relaxing night-before-the-wedding ordeal.

If I have a wedding that goes half as smooth as the second one I was in (outdoor wedding, picture perfect weather, which for June in Kansas is asking a LOT, no warring family members who got drunk and said embarrassing things, no one got arrested at any of the wedding-related functions and they're still married two years later) I will be eternally grateful.

 

You may get jewelry to go with the dress from the bride as a gift. That's what my cousin did (my aunt actually paid for the dress, thankfully) ; the jewelry and the shoes are the only two parts of the outfit that I still wear. I still don't understand why the bride made us wear taupe, when four of the five of us are pasty-ass white girls.

 

Yes, two of the three weddings that I've had a significant role in, the bride gave me jewelry at the rehearsal dinner.

 

That's a great idea. I'll discuss it with the MOH. I picked up a planner yesterday and some DIY books for favors and stuff. And a bridesmaid book because I'm that lame. ;D

 

As for the wedding in which you are just a regular bridesmaid, really, all you should be expected to do is show up when and where you're asked to be, and don't complain about the dress, no matter how much you may hate it. I offered multiple times to help my cousin and my aunt with stuff during the planning stages, and they never once took me up on it.

 

I've only been in two weddings and I was MOH for both, both two of my best friends. The wedding was a very high-expense affair so my participation as MOH was, too. I paid for the dress, wore shoes I had and she gave us bracelets and shawls to go with the dresses. But the travel was high as I had to pay for plane tix to NYC for an engagement party, the shower in the city that I threw with the groom's sister (expensive!) and the bachelorette party in the Hamptons (also expensive). And the wedding was a destination affair in wine country so tix out there, hotels, etc. They did throw in a few private wine tour days for bridal party and some other parties, dinners and activities. I just turned it into a vacation and took some days afterward for spa treatments and wine tastings with my sister in Napa Valley, Sonoma and Calistoga. The other wedding was in Buffalo and she just told us to wear what we wanted. Very casual. Again, mostly it was the airline tix and hotel that cost and I turned it into a vacation by meeting them the next day at Niagara Falls.

 

I have nothing to add here because I'm a big dumb male. That said, I'll be watching this thread because my 16-year-old daughter has been asked to be a bridesmaid in her cousin's wedding, and I'm resisting the urge to yell "get yo hands outta my pockets!" at family get-togethers. Keep the money-saving tips coming.

 

Thank god the wedding will be around here, no travel. For bride No. 2, the wedding will be around here but she wants the bachelorette party to be in Vegas or Miami. This brings up two problems. No. 1, I'm terrified of flying. I've never flown. No. 2, I know I don't have the cash to scrape together for the plane ticket let alone all the other expenses.
The bride and I went over bridesmaid dresses last night, and there was only one that I truly didn't like so I think I'm in the clear.

 

Okay kids, I have a real problem. Bride No. 1 hasn't chosen the wedding date yet, but there is a small chance that it may fall on the anniversary of my father's death. When I realized this could happen, I had a panic attack and cried my eyes out (he's been gone less than seven months).

I don't think I could handle this, and we're best friends. When saw the dates, I called her and told her about it. Was I wrong to do it? I know she'd consider it, but what if that's the only date she could get her No. 1 location?

I'm a wreck about this. For once I was going to be the easygoing girl and be there for her like she's always been there for me. But the thought of her wedding, let alone sending her an anniversary card on that day is almost too much to handle. I know I would make accomodations for her in a second.

 

You're lucky because she's too young for the bachelorette party and, depending on the location, she may be too young to attend any spa events the bridal party decides to do.

I do think your daughter should give her cousin a separate present from the rest of your immediate family. Doesn't have to be anything big or expensive, but she does have a different role from you and your wife and should be able to choose a gift to give.

 

The gift part I can accept. It's the nails, hair and other stuff some brides make mandatory that I'll have a tough time accepting. We're struggling to make ends meet, and even though the wedding is a year and a half away, I'm just not comfortable being ordered to spend money by my in-laws.