Boom

Nah, you know it's not Boom. 21 has had both his testicles in a safe deposit box for years.

 

What do you think the guy said just before the blast?

A) Hey y'all, watch this!

B) Damn. I'd have given my left nut to see that shell go off.

C) I'm gonna take a leak on that shell to make sure it's a dud.

 

Can't wait for the TV news people to include this demonstration in their July 2 report next year.
All jokes aside, I'm guessing the "ground-based firework" in question was one of these:



... and if that's the case, it doesn't surprise me in the least. Those things scare the shit out of me. They're unreliable and unpredictable, and if you aren't familiar with them you can easily fuck some shit up. The fuses take forever to burn, and sometimes go out -- and sometimes don't. Whatever directions are written on those things are in Chinese, or written by a Chinese person in pidgeon English. It's very easy to put the fuse in the wrong way or put them on slightly uneven ground and have them tip over.
The first time I tried to use one I put the fuse in the wrong way. The shell went off inside the tube instead of launching out and knocked over the tube. It was only by the grace of God the shell more or less burned up instead of shooting out and killing someone.

 

This man clearly should have stayed away from the shell.

They should have stuck with the old law.

 

Great stories don't start any other way.

 

The option before A should be "Hold My Beer."

 

Where is that from?

 

Here in Texas, we just merge the two. "Somebody hold my [beer/bottle of Jack/other]. Y'all gotta watch this. You ain't gonna believe this shit! YEEHAW!!!!"

God knows how many family reunions I've heard that, promptly followed by an uncle tripping off the roof and missing the trampoline all together. [Gets up stumbling, obviously concussed and something broken]: "Where's my beer?"

 

The same story.

 

As someone who loves to test fate and tie a bunch of those morters together and sometimes stuff two in a tube, I must say that they are what I love about July 4. I have not yet sustained serious injury, but I also understand the risk of these devices and bolt down my tubes to a table out in the middle of a field that has been plowed before I start to load anything. I had a tube fall over one year and luckily it was pointing away from my family gallery or it would have been tragic.