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Bill Simmons v. Dane Cook

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by thebiglead, Sep 17, 2007.

  1. JoelHammond

    JoelHammond Member

    The Vegas show Cook did with Attell, Giraldo and some other dude was damn funny, and Cook was funny about five years ago when he came to my alma mater.

    "Let's turn out the lights and play who's in my mouth."

    Anymore? eh.
     
  2. ArnoldBabar

    ArnoldBabar Active Member

    Actually Carolla (who is damn funny and has no place in a discussion of these other hacks, IMO) made fun of people who went to junior college, which he called "high school with ashtrays."

    As to the subject at hand, YOU LEAVE BILL SIMMONS ALOOOONE!!!
    (I figure that's funny for another five minutes, right?)
     
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    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  4. Lamar Mundane

    Lamar Mundane Member

    who is Bill Simmons and why should I have heard of him? Has he hit 50 homers or sold out stadiums?

    Who has more clout at Madison Square Garden? Love him or hate him or ignore him, Dane Cook has fans willing to shell out big bucks.

    Why should anyone care what Bill Bivens says? Wasn't Ted Simmons in Bell Biv Devoe?

    Or, was tha Tupac signing California Bill?
     
  5. Bubbler

    Bubbler Well-Known Member

    Loveline almost got me killed.

    Like Double Down, I was driving back from a prep game and they had a guest from a sex-toy shop somewhere in Hollywood. A caller asked whether this guy carried anatomically correct blow-up farm animals.

    Carolla started ripping the calling for going past a line even he wouldn't cross, but he was interrupted by the host who said that they do indeed carry blow-up farm animals. Apparently, you can buy all of Ole McDonald's farm if it trips your trigger. You could fuck a faux-goat, latex lamb or doppleganger cow to your heart's content. The host said many of the animals have an audio option in them, so they will make appropriate sounds when you're laying pipe with a pseudo-domesticated animal.

    I'm Steven Hawking when it comes to embracing bizarro concepts, but the whole concept of blow-up farm animals blew my mind to the point I broke into uncontrollable laughter... one of those near-heart attack laughing spells.

    The problem was I was driving on I-65 on the Indiana side of Louisville before it was remodeled. Dangerous road, not one to be laughing hysterically trying to wrap my mind around some perv stroking his "pet" pig, talking dirty to it, "I'm going to grease you myself!", then bringing home his bacon violently in some sort of sex fantasy competition from hell with the perv imagining that he is "competing" with the hayseed from Deliverance, trying to bone his rubber animal friend in a way Ned Beatty never felt. That latex swine most definitely "squealed like a pig" via the magic of an embedded microchip that fair night.

    Anyway, I swerved off the road when tears formed in my eyes trying to grasp the possibilities. Fortunately it was midnight-ish, I didn't hit anything, life went on.

    Carolla was funny on there. One night he broke down Jigsaw's Sky High when it was used as bump music, it was funny.
     
  6. Piotr Rasputin

    Piotr Rasputin New Member

    Carolla does the voice of the pig on Drawn Together, a twisted show that makes me laugh despite my better judgment. So that's something.

    I weep for this generation, that Dane Cook is its major comedian. I further weep for them since Simmons is what is held up as the most relevant sports columnist.
     
  7. PhilaYank36

    PhilaYank36 Guest

    I don't like my generation.
     
  8. wickedwritah

    wickedwritah Guest

    I love Carolla. I hated how his Burger King commercial ripping on juco kids got yanked.

    And him and Dr. Drew were wicked funny on Loveline, especially during the speed round.
     
  9. Clever username

    Clever username Active Member

    Does the comedian of our generation have to be of our generation? I'll take Jon Stewart any day.
     
  10. I think Dane Cook's funny, but Demetri Martin is better and younger (I assume). I bet he ends up being more the voice of the younger generation.
     
  11. You'll hear plenty of Martin.
    In fact, if you watch the Daily Show, you probably have. He is the one who does the young people's perspectives, calling Stewart "old man" and doing cartoons and things like that.
    His Daily Show bits haven't been great, but his C.D., These are Jokes, is hilarious.
     
  12. Piotr Rasputin

    Piotr Rasputin New Member

    Stewart has been around - and been funny - for more than a decade. Cook is of more recent ilk. Perhaps I should have used "young people" since I was referring to the college-age kids.

    Kudos to those who revolt, and reject Dane Cook's brand of stupidity.
     
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