bIG bREAK

Are you mocking me now? ;D Just a small town Sportswriter, nothing more, nothing less.

 

http://www.brownwoodtx.com/news/community/article_2e70983e-e82c-11e2-9b51-001a4bcf887a.html


Casey Pachall making his comeback at TCU

 

Word of advice? Do not make the attendance, or the weather, your lede, unless there's only one man in the stands and he's drunk or a tornado/monsoon/game changing event hit. There are far more interesting aspects to hook a reader.

 

Another word of advice: If you keep spamming this thread with links to every story you write, you're liable to get banned double-quick, or else mocked to the point of irrelevance.

No one, including but not limited to no one, cares.

 

Hey Surf are you related to Larry David?

 

It's a decent sort of life in the low minors,
but you'll never get to the majors on that fastball.

 

Nice big fact error right near the top of that first story. Omaha isn't an affiliate of Oakland's.

That's enough for me to stop reading.

You're not ready for showtime, kid. Keeping working on your game at the Little League level.

 

Storm Chasers.

 

I stand corrected. Ramirez last played for the triple A affiliate of Oakland last year. The Storm Chasers are an affiliate of the Kansas City Royals. And I won't post the link anymore, was just responding to someone who asked.

 

I asked, only because you showed up here guns ablazin' so it was worth seeing what you can do.
Looks like you wrote the column beforehand. I kept reading even though you spelled McGwire (McGuire) wrong near the top. I even kept reading when you wrote that Hamilton seems to be wearing thin on Mike Scioscia, which you have no firsthand knowledge of and is absolutely not true. Plus, the aforementioned mistake on Omaha's affiliation.
Despite those things, it was an OK column. Hey, go out to a baseball game, it's fun.
Your follow story, however, wasn't. Basic newspapering: the lead is the most important stuff. The attendance, excuse me, paid attendance, is not the most important thing, especially with no perspective on what 8,910 means -- sellout, standing room only, half full, comparison to normal attendance?
You offered one crappy quote from Ramirez. You wrote that the fans got what they wanted. You could have asked some of them what they wanted, let them tell you and quote them. This should have been more of a feature than straight news.
That's about all the critiquing I want to do. I appreciate enthusiasm and you have that. Hopefully you can channel it into better performance. Read good writers, that's how you improve.

 

You are a Marine, right? Do you really want to use "braved" as an action verb describing fans who stayed at a baseball game despite "periodic showers"?

 

I'll agree with the others the mainbar is weak. But I'm also wondering: Is Manny really of that much interest to your readers? Or is this just an ego trip?