Big Ben's Night Out

The details. Christ.

http://deadspin.com/5518136/the-roethlisberger-documents-his-penis-was-already-out-of-his-pants

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2010/0415101roethlisberger1.html

What sort of suspension does this merit?

 

Make the cement head return kickoffs and punts all season.

 

Someone get Beamon and Oz off the ledge.

 

Estimates tonight vary from 1 game to 8 games to an entire season.

 

I don't care if he's traded. Now if he played for the Pirates ...

 

Did anyone get the impression from the report that Big Ben had an equipment failure? This is not trying to make light of this or trying to be funny, but the fact that the girl originally told cops she couldn't tell if she was assaulted or manipulated makes it sound like Roethlisberger tried, but couldn't get the stamina.

 

Perhaps that's what the bodyguards are for.

 

If they are going to get rid of Holmes, you have to get rid of Big Ben for this. Not good.

 

Looking forward to the next Collective Bargaining Agreement and the new clause regarding the circumstances under which a penis may be out of the pants.

'Notwithstanding basic locker room procedures established by the League hereunder, including but not limited to game preparation, hygiene, necessary urination procedures, and drug testing, at no time shall Player intentionally or unintentionally display his penis ('Penis'), nor shall Penis be visible for any reason other than sanctioned locker room procedures, including but not limited to postgame interviews, hygiene, necessary urination procedures, and drug testing. At no time shall Penis be out of the pants, except at the sole discretion of the League. Failure to comply with this clause shall result in a) immediate action by the League, or b) no action whatsoever, depending on the Team in question and its Owner's relationship with the League.'

 

Sounds like both parties to the festivities were fucked up to the gills, so it wouldn't surprise me if Big Ben was afflicted with the "drunken droop" and the lil' warrior was unable to stand at attention.

Sit him out half the season, without pay. In addition, fine him the absolute max amount allowable under the CBA. And put him, very publicly, on zero-tolerance probation: any more reports of this type, and you're sitting out multiple entire seasons.

Another poster child for the upcoming "Genghis Khan" personal-conduct policy to be imposed by the owners in the next CBA, giving the commissioner virtually unlimited power to fine and suspend for disciplinary reasons, with virtually no appeal.