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Best. Thanksgiving. Ever.

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by JayFarrar, Nov 24, 2006.

  1. JayFarrar

    JayFarrar Well-Known Member

    So the mighty Farrar [not our real name] clan gathered today for Thanksgiving.
    So me, and my brothers were outside throwing the football around with the nephews and nieces. My mother has a trampoline and we play a little game where we stand outside the trampoline and throw the football to a jumping child inside. Good times.
    So my brother, a sports information director who shall remain nameless, is horsing around with one of the nephews. The trampoline is one of those safety first things with pipes and netting. And my brother had tossed a piece of PVC pipe through the net and one of my nephews was talking through one end and my brother was listening on the other and the nephew had pushed the PVC pipe out of the net and popped my brother near the eyebrow, so now bloodied from the pipe, he goes inside to clean up. Food's ready, so we all head inside a minute or two later.
    I find my brother in the kitchen and he has a little gash. Nothing serious, but I take a look at it and say "I think you are going to need a stitch." And my brother pshaws my suggestion. A minute or two later he looks at me and says "I'm starting to feel sick." So I tell him let's get you into the living room and on the couch. So we start walking and then he says, "I think I'm going to faint." I laugh, but wrap my arm around him.
    He then faints.
    Panic ensues.
    Key notes: My mother is a retired EMS director, another brother is the asst. Chief of Police in his town and I have some background in these matters as well.
    Anyway, panic ensues.
    One of my sisters asks, "is he faking?" as my 170-pound brother becomes dead weight as I lower him to the floor. My mother comes rushing over and starts screaming "Call 9-1-1!" She also knocks my brother's wife out of the way to get to him. My other brother starts pushing furniture - furniture? - out of the way and yet another sister - we have a large family - is screaming that the phone is off the hook and that she needs a cell phone. Also, in the background, six nieces and nephews are screaming and crying that their uncle is dead. I am still unflustered. I ask for a watch to take my brother's pulse, it was 60, and note that he is clammy and a delightful green color. Like guac.
    My sister, the one who called 9-1-1 is now off the phone and pissed that dispatcher wanted to know if need for the ambulance was from a fight or not, which is a way to find out if the cops need to come as well, but that didn't make her very happy.
    While my mother is just convinced that it is a concussion (my diagnosis - maybe, but likely mild) but my mom is sure because my brother has had a concussion before, like 18 years ago when he went tumbling out of the back of a pickup truck when he had been pitching eggs and biscuit dough - yay for small town living! - on Halloween night.
    So my brother is more or less starting to come around. An ambulance is on the way and he's like "I'm not going to the hospital."
    So the paramedics arrive and my brother is still on the floor. So they begin asking questions but this one is best:
    Paramedic: Do you know what day it is?
    Brother: Are you stupid? It's Thanksgiving.
    Paramedic: I think you're fine.
    A blood pressure is taken, low, but not unusual. Forms are signed. All this while my other brother, the cop, is taking pictures for posterity and what I'm sure will be later hilarity. Because of my mother's old job, I assume, the local Homeland Security guy makes an appearance, but maybe he thought it was the terrorists.
    Anyway the turkey was delicious and per Rachel Ray's suggestion some of the stuffing was baked in muffin tins for individual servings. A thumbs up to that idea.
    My brother is, by all appearances, fine. I predict at least one nephew or niece will mention this incident at a future therapy session and my brother's wife will be eternally pissed that she got knocked out of the way when her husband hit the ground.
  2. pallister

    pallister Guest

    I miss my family.
  3. BYH

    BYH Active Member

    And we're coming down the stretch here in the Best Thanksgiving Day Story Of 2006 race and once again the defending champion 21 is all by herself, if you overlook all her relatives and the poop-covered kid trailing behind her. Yet again, 21 destroys...the...fie...OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT!!!! OUT OF NOWHERE COMES JAY FARRAR, CARRYING HIS BLOODY UNCONSCIOUS BROTHER!!! HE'S IN A DEAD SPRINT! WHAT A RACE WE HAVE HERE IN THE LAST 100 YARDS! THEY'RE IN A DEAD HEAT!!! AND AT THE TAPE THE WINNER IS.........
  4. Inky_Wretch

    Inky_Wretch Well-Known Member

    Damn it, I knew I should have gone to the Farrar Family Thanksgiving this year.

    BTW, tell your brother this is what happens when you leave journalism for the SID life. Karma, you gotta love it.

    And since when did wee little Farrarville get a Dept. of Homeland Security official? Too many cow-tipping incidents by Muslim extremists?
  5. JayFarrar

    JayFarrar Well-Known Member

    I didn't realize SJ had a thread for Turkey Day disasters, so I posted mine there as well.
    I also got done reading all five pages -- 21 is a damn genius. But, like I said on the other, how often does PVC pipe, Homeland Security, a trampoline and Rachel Ray all play roles in Thanksgiving?
  6. JayFarrar

    JayFarrar Well-Known Member

    Well my brother may not have left journalism if a certain sweater wearing paper in the area had given him a full-time job when he looked into an opening there.
    And when people complain that the Homeland Security money was spent poorly and that high-value targets were ignored so red-state, Bush-loving chunks of the country got all the cash, well let me tell you about Farrarville, population 3,500 with a full-time Homeland Security guy with a fleet of vehicles at his disposal.
    But we got's a Republican congressman and I guess that's all that matters.
    EDIT: Love the google ads for PVC products.
  7. westcoastvol

    westcoastvol Active Member

    Personally, I don't need a national holiday to think about Rachel Ray, a trampoline and PVC pipe in the same thought.
  8. leo1

    leo1 Active Member

    jay, i am speechless. i wish i could say something but i can't. my thanksgiving was fine and while i don't wish for anyone to get hurt it could've used a little more excitement.
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