Best man etiquette

Or by puking all over the mother of the bride.

 

http://www.yourwedding101.com/bridal-showers/stag-and-does.aspx

Stag and doe parties, or buck and doe parties as they're also called, are designed to raise money for the couple's wedding. Hosting this type of pre-wedding party requires a lot of careful planning. As the intent is to raise money for the couple's wedding the stag and doe party must make a profit, hopefully a large one.

The profits from a stag and doe party are raised through ticket sales. That's right - guests pay to attend a stag and doe. Far from being a point of contention most guests are all too pleased to buy a ticket. Not only does the money help the couple financially, but the guest also gets to enjoy good company and have a great time. Often if the guest can't attend the party personally they'll purchase the ticket just for the sake of the bride and groom - now that's a great friend!

 

Don't call the bride by your buddy's ex-girlfriend's name.

 

Whatever you do, during the toast don't say "We knew (groom) was getting serious about settling down when he quit dating Jewish girls."

 

I can't endorse activities that are fund-raisers for the couple.

 

Well, without Buck's endorsement, I guess we all better chuck that idea.

 

A friend of mine got extremely plastered at his wedding reception, to the point that he took a nosedive from a seated position into a lawn sculpture. Everyone heard the lawn sculpture break an turned to see the groom, ass in air and face in ground.

The best man quickly had two buddies grab the groom and take him to a bathroom to "wash him up and get him some fucking coffee f'r christ's sake." This took about five seconds before he looked the bride's father dead in the eye and said "I pushed him." He got a 10-minute reaming from at least three people in the bride's side of the family and he didn't say a word throughout the tirades.

That's a best man.

 

make sure you don't mention how you nailed the bride in college.

 

Funny that you mention that! Umm, I haven't — or at least I don't remember if I did — but one of the groomsmen has or at least made one serious attempt at it. I think that's why he isn't bestman.
I probably could have hit it, but I had more sense than that back in the day and I was more intrigued by her roommate, the one who didn't have a rectum.
Anyway, I've already noted, "We knew (groom) was getting serious about settling down when he quit dating Jewish girls."
And thanks for that reminder Inky!
I wasn't aware of driving them to the reception, so that's been helpful. The stag-and-doe party seems like I hell of a good idea, but I know that a wedding shower, her co-workers paid for the airline tickets, hotel and some entertainment for their honeymoon.
So I think they are okay on money.

 

Thanks for the backup.

A buck-and-doe is basically a huge party, held in a large public place rented for the purpose, like a curling club, arena floor or, if you are very, very lucky, a farm's driving shed. There is music, usually by a DJ, and fun, unique games. At the party for my nephew last month, they set up a hockey net with a piece of plywood that covered all except the four corners of the net and a hole right in the middle. You bought three shots for $2; if you could shoot the orange hockey ball into one of the corners, you won a free drink. The first person to hit the hole in the middle won a brand new stick autographed by one of my nephew's friends who plays pro hockey. Another game was a nail-driving contest - whoever needed the fewest hits to drive a nail into a stump-like log brought in for the purpose would win a prize. I've been at parties where you bring in an old broken TV and invite people to pitch softballs against the screen - first one to break (not just crack) the screen wins. And you haven't heard anything until you've heard a TV screen get popped in a metal driving shed.

It generally only costs something like $5 to attend and alcoholic drink prices are very reasonable, often in the neighbourhood of $3 apiece or four for $10. A buck-and-doe is DEFINITELY worth the while if you ever get the chance to attend one!

 

I'm sorry...what??

 

I was about to ask for another translation from Canuckistani for the term "driving shed," but apparently it's a sort of garage or barn where buggies and farm implements are stored when not in use. Down here south of the border, most farmers just let these vehicles sit around the barnyard, out in the weather, so "driving shed" was another new concept to me.