Best lie you told in a bar

A buddy's facebook post prompted some good stories.

Here's my shares:
- Milwaukee strip club. No clue the name. Me and two buds are in town to drink and we ended up there. It was slow and we were bored, so screwing with the employees became a past time. Somehow, I convinced two of the girls I was "Dale" a "tire tester" in from North Carolina to test tires for NASCAR at the Milwaukee Mile. They even tried to ask me questions to "prove" I was a Southerner. I remember impressing them when I explained to them that in the South, all pop/soda is called "Coke". It blew their mind.
Hey, got a free lapper out of it!

- I used to work in TV as a sports anchor/3rd wheel to laugh and talk about stuff. The morning weather guy and I would always go out for drinks after work (so at like noon) and do, of course, we would be in our shirts and ties sometimes since we sometimes did not bring a change of clothes. Sometimes these drinking sessions would go into the actual happy hour, especially during March Madness. A few chicks, probably in college and probably as drunk as us must have "recognized" us as their local morning guys.
Beer goggles or not, we weren't having it.
So they asked us what we did and both of us told them "beekeepers". Of course, they probably didn't believe us...but it pissed them off enough to make them leave. Oh well, we lost a few viewers.

 

That I was Scottish. And my accent was convincing enough that a girl from Ireland believed me.

 

Mainly telling girls that: worked for CNN, was a professional football player, obscure movie producer (was during TIFF so actually worked), son of Canadian Prime Minister, garden variety BS that never got me laid anyway.

 

Once told a friend that the reason you never see The Little Drummer Boy on TV around Christmas anymore was because of the war on drugs.

Friend: Really?
Me: Yeah if you notice the drummer boy always appears with his donkey. That donkey represents his heroin addiction. He wants to turn his life over to Jesus but he can't completely because the donkey is always there.
Friend: Really?
Me: Yeah - everyone in Hollywood knew about the symbolism. It was only after Nancy Reagan's "Just Say No" campaign that they decided to stop showing the show.
Friend: Wow - I never knew that.

 

I'm not drunk.

 

"You're the prettiest girl in the bar."

 

Stunt double for Betty White.

 

Started at a post-match party when I played rugby at Directional U and wound up at a bar. Convinced a young lady from the other Directional U in the state (who we played that day) that I was a foreign exchange student from Australia who had come to the states on a rugby scholarship to study animal gynecology. She bought it. When I forgot to speak with my dubious Aussie accent the next morning she started cussing me all the way out the door ...

 

My dad was the drummer for Blue Oyster Cult. Something most people don't know, that song Burning for You, they wrote that in five minutes and almost didn't put it on the record. The band broke up and pops got screwed out of a bunch of royalties, but wound up making a decent living producing jazz albums.


My roommate and I used to have competitions for who could get a girl in a bar to believe the most random and pointless lie. That's one of the few that anyone ever bought.

 

My older brother played for the Edmonton Oilers and won two Stanley Cups. I do have an older brother with the same name as a guy who played for two Cup-winners in Edmonton, and they're almost the same age, but that's where the similarities end.

 

I used to tell the little cowgirls in various country bars that I was a brand investigator for the Texas & Southwest Cattle Raisers Association. It was a change of pace from all the NFR bronc riders hanging around.

 

They're real and they're spectacular.