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Best humorous semi-original Xmas song

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by DyePack, Nov 24, 2006.


And the award goes to ...

  1. 12 Pains of Xmas

    8 vote(s)
  2. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

    8 vote(s)
  3. The Hanukkah Song

    8 vote(s)
  4. Xmas At Ground Zero

    4 vote(s)
  5. guy's song about his car

    0 vote(s)
  1. DyePack

    DyePack New Member

    I could change it to holiday song. The Hanukkah song does refer to Xmas, though.
  2. sportschick

    sportschick Active Member

    I was just being difficult. It happens. ;)
  3. Herbert Anchovy

    Herbert Anchovy Active Member

    An unknown troubadour penned this ditty about two months ago:

    You're a mean one, Mr. Skip.
    You fill us all with rage,
    You're worse than Mariotti
    You lose to Woody Paige, Mr. Ski-i-i-p
    You're a bad reporter ... with greasy blonde ha-a-a-a-a-air

    You're a monster, Mr. Skip
    Your head's an empty hole
    Your face is made of plastic
    You prob'ly sold your soul
    Mr. Ski-i-i-ip ...
    I wouldn't read you if you beat me with a 39 and a half foot pooooole

    You're a vile one, Mr. Skip
    You have botox in your smile
    You'd eliminate all field goals
    And send kickers down the Nile
    Mr. Ski-i-i-ip
    Given the choice I think I'd Go with ... the kickers down the Niiiiiiiile

    You're a foul one, Mr. Skip
    You're often full of bunk
    They gave your show a bad time-slot
    Your columns are all junk, Mr. Ski-i-i-ip

    The three words that best describe you are as follows -- and I quote:

    You're a rotter, Mr. Skip.
    You're the king of stupid hacks
    You ramble on for hours
    And you never check your facts
    Mr. Ski-i-i-ip ...
    Your soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable,
    Mangled up ... in designer slaaaaaacks

    You nauseate me, Mr. Skip.
    Your show Cold Pizza blows
    You wish you wrote for Deadspin
    And you paid to fix your nose Mr. Ski-i-i-ip
    You're a five-compartment toolbox whose stupid columns and TV shows ... always make me doooooooooze
  4. EStreetJoe

    EStreetJoe Well-Known Member

    The Hanukkah Song
    Okay...This is a song that uhh..
    There's a lot of Christmas songs out there and uhh..
    Not too many Chanukah songs.
    So uhh..
    I wrote a song for all those nice little Jewish kids who don't get to hear any Chanukah songs.
    Here we go...

    Put on your yarmulke
    Here comes Chanukah
    So much funukah
    To celebrate Chanukah
    Chanukah is the festival of lights
    Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights

    When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree
    Here's a list of people who are Jewish just like you and me
    David Lee roth Lights the menorah
    So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah

    Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli
    Bowser from Sha Na Na and Arthur Fonzerelli
    Paul Newman's half Jewish, Goldie Hawn's half too
    Put them together, what a fine lookin' Jew

    You don't need deck the halls or jingle bell rock
    'cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock- both jewish

    Put on your yarmulke
    It's time for Chanukah
    The owner of the Seattle Supersonicahs
    Celebrates Chanukah

    O.J. Simpson, not a Jew
    But guess who is? hall of famer Rod Carew -- he converted
    We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby
    Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish- not too shabby

    Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is
    Well he's not, but guess who is
    All Three Stooges
    So many Jews are in showbiz
    Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his agent is

    Tell your friend Veronica
    It's time to celebrate Chanukah
    I hope I get a harmonicah
    Oh this lovely, lovely Chanukah
    So drink your gin and tonicah
    And smoke your marijuanikah
    If you really, really wannakah
    Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah
    Happy Chanukah

    Hanukkah Song Part Two
    Time to take out those menorahs!
    Put on your yamaka
    It's time for Hanukkah
    So much fun-uka
    To celebrate Hanukkah
    Hanukkah is, the festival of lights
    Instead of one day of presents
    We get eight crazy nights
    When you feel like the only kid in town
    Without a Christmas tree
    Here's a new list of people who are Jewish
    Just like you and me
    Winona Ryder drinks Manashevitz wine
    Then spins a dreidl with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein
    Guess who give and receives loads of Hanukkah toys?
    The girls from Barukasouhl and all three Beastie Boys
    Lenny Kravitz is half Jewish, Courtney Love is half too
    Put them together, what a funky, bad-ass Jew
    We got Harvey Kitell and flash dancer Jennifer Beals
    Jasmine Bleuth from Baywatch is Jewish and
    Yes her boobs are real
    O.J. Simpson, still not a Jew
    But guess who is, the guy who does the voice for
    Bob Dylan was born a Jew, then he wasn't, but now he's back
    Mary Tyler Moore's husband is Jewish 'cuz we're pretty good in the sack
    Guess who got bar mitzvah-ed on the PGA tour?
    No I'm not talking about Tiger Woods, I'm talking about
    Mr. Happy Gilmore
    So many Jews are in the show-biz
    Bruce Springsteen isn't Jewish, but my mother thinks he is
    Tell that old harmonica, it's time to celebrate Hanukkah
    It's not pronounced Chanukkah
    The C is silent in Hanukkah
    So your your Hooked on Phonic-a
    Get drunk in Teawonica
    If you really really wanna-ka
    Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Hanukkah

    Hanukkah Song Part Three
    Put on your yamulke
    It's time for Chanukah (sounds good guys)
    Once again it's Onakah
    The miracle of Chanukah. (give it up for the Drei Dels)

    Chanukah is the festival of lights.
    One day of presents?
    Hell no, We get eight crazy nights.

    But if you still feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree
    I guess my first two songs didn't do it for you
    So here comes number three!

    Ross and Phoebe from "Friends" say the Chanukah blessing.
    So does Lenny's pal Squiggy and "Will & Grace"'s Debra Messing.

    Melissa Gilbert and Michael Landon never mixed meat with dairy.
    Maybe they should have called that show "Little Kosher House on the Prairie."

    We got Jerry Lewis, Ben Stiller and Jack Black.
    Tom Arnold converted to Judaism, but you guys can have him back!
    (Just kidding Tommy!)

    We may not get to kiss underneath the mistletoe
    But we can do it all night long with Deuce Bigalow! (I'm jewish!)
    Oh My God! Sweet Robbie Schneider is here!

    Put on the yamukah
    Here comes Chanukah
    The guy in Willie Nelson's band who plays harmonica
    Celebrates Chanukah.
    Oooo, good job Schneider

    Osama bin Laden--(Booo!)--not a big fan of the Jews.
    Well, maybe that's because he lost a figure skating match to gold medalist
    Sarah Hughes, her mama's Jewish!

    Houdini and David Blaine escaped straightjackets with such precision.
    But the one thing they could not get out of
    Their painful circumcision.

    As for Half-Jewish actors, Sean Penn is quite the great one,
    And Marlon Brando not a Jew at all ,
    But it looks to me like he ate one.

    Gweneth Paltrow is half jewish
    But an aweful time Oscar winner
    Jennifer Conneley's half jewish too
    And I'd like to put some more in her

    There's Lou Reed, Perry Ferrell, Beck and Paula Abdul.
    Joey Ramone invented punk rock music
    But first came Hebrew school.

    Natalie Portmanukah
    It's time to celebrate Chanukah.
    I hope I get an Abrtronicah,
    on this joyful, toyful Chanukah.

    So get a high colonicah
    And soil your long johnukahs
    If you really really wantukah.
    Have a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy Hanukkah
  5. imjustagirl2

    imjustagirl2 New Member

    My personal vote among those not mentioned in the choices (sound file with some f-bombs, so have your headphones on):

    A Lonely Jew On Christmas
  6. EStreetJoe

    EStreetJoe Well-Known Member

    I'll have to listen to that tonight when I get home since I've never heard it and I thought I knew all the Jewish Christmas Music.
  7. imjustagirl2

    imjustagirl2 New Member

    It's South Park.
  8. Double J

    Double J Active Member

    Biscuit would have been a better option than Danny the Monkey Boy.

    An excellent choice. :)
  9. Double J

    Double J Active Member

    I also want to say I'm surprised that no one has mentioned "The Chipmunk Song" yet.

    Seeing has no one has, I'll mention it. :D
  10. BYH

    BYH Active Member

    This is freaking outstanding. LJB, is this your work? You should take credit for it even if it isn't. :D
  11. Mystery_Meat

    Mystery_Meat Guest

    Does unintentional humor count? If so, Last Christmas by Wham!
  12. imjustagirl2

    imjustagirl2 New Member

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