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been wanting to put this up for awhile...

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by YoungGun7, Jun 8, 2007.

  1. YoungGun7

    YoungGun7 New Member

    my first feature story... i know it's bad, and i see things i would have done different. but still tell me what you think.

    Another season and another road trip for the MSU Lady Bulldogs.

    This past week the team headed for Lexington, Ky., to face the lady Wildcats. As always, games on the road can prove to be hard for opposing teams to win, especially in the Southeastern Conference. Yet, every team must try to achieve the seemingly impossible.

    More goes into it than just playing a game of basketball. The coaches, players and trainers must work together to achieve their goal. They work as a team within a team. This is no vacation time. Almost every minute is accounted for and put to use to achieve the team goal, a victory. And it all starts with planning.

    A lot goes into preparing for a road trip, and no one knows that better than director of Lady Bulldog operations, Stephanie Siler.

    Buses and planes have to be reserved, hotel rooms have to be booked and, of course, food has to be provided for the players and staff.

    Siler deals with every aspect of a road trip.

    Nothing goes on that she doesn't know about, from when the bus needs to leave or when the plane needs to land; that's her job.

    The planning for this road trip began back in the summer, way before the first ball ever hit the hardwood.

    "The planning for all road trips usually goes on in the summer," Siler said. "I'll call the hotel and book rooms, equipment and whatever else the team might need.

    The closer it gets to the actual date of the game, that's when I'll make the itinerary and inform everyone what they need to take as far as clothes."

    The team usually prefers to stay in the same hotels they have stayed in during other trips so that the team feels more familiar with their surroundings.

    Running the show can sometimes put Siler under immense pressure.

    She's responsible for organizing the trip, while at the same time watching and breaking down game film, not just for Kentucky but for Ole Miss as well.

    She does all that while she finalizes the last road trip the Lady Bulldogs took to Tennessee.

    Siler explained the secret is to be able to multitask. Once she has broken down all the game film, it goes directly to the assistant coaches and head coach Sharon Fanning.

    The staff then spends several more hours watching the film of the opposing team, breaking down and detailing every move their opponent makes.

    After practice and before game time, the Lady Bulldogs spend their time with team trainer Mary McLendon.

    It's McLendon's responsibility to take care of the minor aches and pains the girls receive during the course of a season.

    When the team travels, McLendon said, it can sometimes be difficult because of the lack of space.

    "We usually never do anything at the opposing school, so I will do most of the girls' treatments in the hotel room," McLendon said.

    Treatments usually consist of hot packs, electric muscle stimulation and taping ankles and wrists.

    Others might complain about not having space, but McLendon doesn't see it that way.

    "It gives me a chance to bond with the girls," she said. "It's just a chance to talk and ask them about their day or just a chance to hang out."

    The people who probably spend the most time with the players are team managers John Reliford and Jason Russum. When they're not hanging out with the team, they're helping Siler in some way, either in practice or making sure everyone and everything is accounted for.

    The actual players have to prepare themselves for the game while at the same time trying to keep up with their school workload.

    To keep the girls focused, the coaches don't allow the team to carry cell phones. When the team arrives in the visiting city, their phones are taken until after the game.

    The team also has a strict curfew, even though this week it was bent to allow the team to watch the men play Florida.

    During a midweek road game, the Lady Bulldogs are required to attend study hall to ensure they keep on pace.

    "I hate playing on the road, especially how we have to stay in our rooms," sophomore guard Robin Porter said. "As far as missing class goes, I don't like missing a lot of class because I get behind, and sometimes missing one day is like missing a week."

    Many of the other players agreed that the worst part of a road trip is being confined to their rooms.

    But they all understand the purpose of it: to keep them focused and not distracted by attractions some cities might offer.

    The best part of any road trip is of course is when all of the preparation pays off. On Thursday night, it did.

    In the legendary Rupp Arena, the Lady Bulldogs earned an amazing double-overtime victory over the Wildcats behind the play of junior forward Imesia Jackson, who scored 22 points.

    Jackson - who said the worst part of traveling on the road was having to play at the disadvantage of the opponent's court - didn't seem to have too much of a problem performing in Rupp.

    The Lady Bulldogs came back from an 11-point deficit in the second half, scoring on a wide-open lay up by freshman Bethany Washington to send the game into overtime.

    One extra period would not be enough to put the Wildcats away, though, and the two teams went into double overtime.

    In the second overtime, the Lady Bulldogs scored all eight points to secure an 83-75 road victory.
     
  2. ltrain1127

    ltrain1127 Member

    Just a couple of things, and this is trying to be constructive, but I would have lopped off the cliched first few paragraphs and started talking about Stephanie Siler. Maybe give an anecdote or more evidence how she plans the trips.
    Also, what do the girls do when they are trapped in their rooms? What was it like watching the men's team? I know most men's and women's aren't often in the same city.
     
  3. jgmacg

    jgmacg Guest

    Youngun' -

    First, thanks for posting.

    I'll piggyback a little on what L-Train said.

    - It's not so much that your lede is cliched, as it is generic. It could be the opening to any one of 27 different stories. If this is a story about the director of operations, begin with her. And try to begin with her in scene, by which I mean that you're reporting something she's doing. In this case, it might be sort of perfect to have her talking on the phone to a hotel while she watches game film. That gets you the multitasking right at the top - and it's almost always better to show me a thing than it is to tell me a thing.

    - While it might not have been possible to travel with the team to see them live in a hotel, it might be possible to reconstruct that very thing. One does this by asking questions of the players like "What's your favorite hotel? Describe it." "Which is your least favorite? Describe it." "What do you do in the room?" "What's the weirdest experience you've had on the road?" Etc. You get the idea. Draw the detail out of the interviews.

    - The piece ends now with what amounts to a game story tacked on. Better to move the game results up a little in the piece, shorten them, and then return to the theme of playing and living on the road. "Exhausted but elated, they boarded the bus, headed for a two-hour flight home and their own beds. In that moment, it was impossible to tell if they smiled looking back at their biggest win of the season; or ahead, to the simple reassurance of a familiar pillow." Or something.

    Hope this helps. Thanks for sharing it with us.
     
  4. dawgpounddiehard

    dawgpounddiehard Active Member

    I have to add on what they said about your lede.

    Let's look at it...

    Another season and another road trip for the MSU Lady Bulldogs.

    This past week the team headed for Lexington, Ky., to face the lady Wildcats. As always, games on the road can prove to be hard for opposing teams to win, especially in the Southeastern Conference. Yet, every team must try to achieve the seemingly impossible.

    More goes into it than just playing a game of basketball. The coaches, players and trainers must work together to achieve their goal. They work as a team within a team. This is no vacation time. Almost every minute is accounted for and put to use to achieve the team goal, a victory. And it all starts with planning.

    A lot goes into preparing for a road trip, and no one knows that better than director of Lady Bulldog operations, Stephanie Siler.


    I hope you see what we mean by the generic lede. This is something you need to keep in mind for future stories, no matter if its a gamer, feature or enterprise. Too often I see ledes like this. It adds nothing to the story. I detest when writers paint with a broad stroke or use generalizations as ledes.

    Do you know what I mean when we talk about these types of leads? If not, let me know, but avoid at all costs.

    I like your angle on Stephanie Miller, good idea. There are plenty of people who don't realize the hours spent behind the scenes.

    As for as your final few graphs:

    Many of the other players agreed that the worst part of a road trip is being confined to their rooms.

    But they all understand the purpose of it: to keep them focused and not distracted by attractions some cities might offer.

    The best part of any road trip is of course is when all of the preparation pays off. On Thursday night, it did.

    In the legendary Rupp Arena, the Lady Bulldogs earned an amazing double-overtime victory over the Wildcats behind the play of junior forward Imesia Jackson, who scored 22 points.

    Jackson - who said the worst part of traveling on the road was having to play at the disadvantage of the opponent's court - didn't seem to have too much of a problem performing in Rupp.

    The Lady Bulldogs came back from an 11-point deficit in the second half, scoring on a wide-open lay up by freshman Bethany Washington to send the game into overtime.

    One extra period would not be enough to put the Wildcats away, though, and the two teams went into double overtime.

    In the second overtime, the Lady Bulldogs scored all eight points to secure an 83-75 road victory.


    It's awkward in this story. The story jumps from Miller to the players to this gamer. Depending on space, you could have separated this feature in three spots, beginning with Miller.

    Then, with a header, go into the effects on players followed by the actual games on the road trip. Finally, somehow tie the final few graphs back to Miller, whether it's a quote or something Miller does. Gives the reader a nice reward for reaching the end of the story.

    By the way, watch things like "legendary Rupp Arena" or "amazing double-overtime victory." Readers aren't dumb. If you write for the Buckeye Sports Bulletin no sense writing, "Ohio State will play arch-rival Michigan on Saturday." No shit, Michigan is Ohio State's rival? Same goes for things like "legendary Rupp Arena" or "amazing double-overtime victory" or Jenny Smith "exploded for 40 points." Empty words like that do not make you a better writer.

    Thanks for posting and good luck.
     
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