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Basketball gamer

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by Kritter47, Feb 4, 2007.

  1. Kritter47

    Kritter47 Member

    It's been a while since I posted something here, so why not. I don't have a lot of experience with basketball and neither does my SE, so I figure this is a good chance to get quality feedback.

    Fire away.

    The play went off exactly as planned.

    Three players set screens as Asheia Haynes inbounded the ball with 9.9 seconds left in overtime, and the ball eventually made its way into the hands of senior Britinee Davis, who launched a three from NBA range.

    The ball slid easily into the basket and twisted its way down for a few agonizing moments before spinning back up and out, taking the Rambelles’ hopes with it.

    Davis bent over at the waist, unable to believe the shot had not gone in, and the Texas A&M-Kingsville University women’s basketball team poured onto the floor to celebrate a 66-63 overtime win over Angelo State on Thursday night at the Junell Center.

    “I really felt like I got it,” Davis said. “It went down about as far as it could before it came back off. I guess it just had a funky spin on it. I don’t know, really.”

    The ’Belles (10-7, 2-3) wouldn’t have needed the last-second attempt for a tie if they had not allowed a furious second-half comeback by the Javelinas (7-10, 2-2). Angelo State led by as many as 12 in the first half but was never able to pull away.

    Kingsville junior Lana Toki, an All-American in junior college last season, made two shots in the last 27 seconds to force overtime.

    Toki had been held to just one basket and three trips to the free-throw line before the last minute of regulation. She finished the game with 15 points and 11 rebounds to lead the Javelinas to their first win in 11 games against the ‘Belles.

    This was the second straight home loss for ASU, which had won the first six home games of the season. Both losses involved a late comeback by the winning team.

    “I don’t think they did anything (in the second half) than they weren’t doing already,” said forward Kandra Lakey, who led the ‘Belles with 25 points. “It just comes down to making the little petty mistakes that start to add up. Our offense wasn’t working at the end of the game. I don’t know what to say about it.”

    Those mistakes manifested themselves in the Rambelles’ shooting.

    Once again, Angelo State struggled in the first half, shooting 11-of-34 from the field. Usually, the ‘Belles manage a second-half run to pull away, but that didn’t happen Thursday night. They shot 35.7 percent in the second half, while the Javelinas hit 44 percent of their shots.

    The phenomenon continued in overtime. Kingsville hit two-thirds of its shots in the extra period while Angelo State shot 33.3 percent.

    “I guess it’s a confidence issue,” ASU coach Sally Brooks said. “As soon as they start coming back, we get in panic mode instead of just playing our game. For a stretch there, we had some terrible offense and gave up some offensive rebounds. It just snowballs when that happens.”

    Confidence also played a role in some poor free-throw shooting by the ‘Belles. They hit 6-of-7 free throws in the first half but 8-of-15 the rest of the game, including some critical misses that could have iced the game down the stretch.

    The normally sure-handed Haynes and Lindsey Leatherman both missed shots in the last minutes of regulation and overtime. Brooks said the team, which lost to West Texas partially because of poor free-throw shooting, psyched itself out at the line.

    So it all came down to that final shot to force a second overtime. Davis hit two 3-pointers early in the game but sat most of the second half to rest her injured knees. For the first time since the first half, however, the offense seemed to click as the play developed.

    “That was a special play we ran, and I’m really surprised it even worked,” Davis said. “It ended up working perfectly. It just didn’t go down.”
  2. pet peeve of mine, this usage of "while"
  3. Speedys Sweater

    Speedys Sweater New Member


    The first four graphs seem to take forever. I think it's because your second graph is zapped of any action. The reader should follow Britinee Davis from the beginning because she's in motion. How did she get open? Did she curl off the screens? Describe that.

    Also, switch up the pace on your sentences. Graphs two, three and four are entirely too long. I read it and it seems like the game was being played in slow motion. Give it some punch.

    And if you cut it down, you get to the fact that the shot didn't fall a lot quicker.

    Good stuff, though. I'd much rather be shown the last play than told about it.
  4. Kritter47

    Kritter47 Member

    Thanks guys.

    Speedys - I understand your suggestions and really want to incorporate them into my writing. I write too long a lot of the time.

    When you get in a situation where you want to "show, not tell," how much description do you need? How do you incorporate that showy description into a lead without getting too wordy?
  5. dawgpounddiehard

    dawgpounddiehard Active Member

    I've caught myself using "while" in this manner... what would you prefer, a conjunction like "and"?
  6. Alma

    Alma Well-Known Member

    On second reference, I'd go ahead and make Javelinas "Javs" and see if anybody notices.
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