Baseball Weekend Preview-Feature

I recently graduated from UNLV, and I'm in my "adjustment stage" from twice-a-week writer to daily writer. I'm looking for ways to improve my story outside of my editor. I already know something important I did miss - the team's records. I re-read the story the day it ran and I realized I forgot it.

Thanks for the suggestions and help everyone.

CEDAR CITY - When Southern Utah pitcher Jacob Noyes took to the mound in the ninth inning of a tied ball game against North Dakota State on April 12, he wasn't thinking about getting strikeouts.

He just wanted to keep the Bison from scoring a run. He got his first strikeout in the ninth.

Then he got another, and another.

They just kept falling, and at the end of the day, he had struck out 18 batters, a number that even shocked Noyes himself.

"I was shocked. My mind set, at all times, is not to strike anyone out," Noyes said. "As a pitcher, I didn't want the strikeouts, but rather the ground outs and fly outs to save my arm. It just happened that day."

The performance earned Noyes Summit League Pitcher of the Week honors and a sore arm.

"The next day, I was really sore and tender," he said.

Noyes and the T-Birds have an opportunity to play for first place against perennial conference favorite Oral Roberts today at 2 p.m. in the first of a four-game series.

"Everything goes through Oral Roberts," Southern Utah coach Dave Eldredge said.

For Noyes, it's just another opportunity in a career filled with taking advantage of them.

It was just three years ago, that he was out of baseball and wondered if he would ever play another inning.

He wasn't highly recruited out of high school and took a small offer to play for a junior college in California, but left the team because it didn't suit his style.

When he heard about Southern Utah from a teammate during summer league, he pitched a bullpen for Eldredge.

Eldredge was impressed and invited him to try out for the team in the fall. When it was time to make cuts, Noyes was one of the players on the cusp of being cut.

"(Eldredge) brought me up and told me, 'I'm deciding if I should go with youth or experience,'" Noyes said. "He had two guys who played for him a year ago, and he wanted to see if they should be let go and he would keep some freshman. One of them quit, so I, literally, came in as the last guy on the staff."

Eldredge saw a lot of potential in the Centerville, Utah native and had the tools to develop.

"(We kept him primarily because of) his size and looseness of arm," Eldredge said. "We saw his size and looseness of his arm and gave him a chance."

At 6-foot-5-inches, Noyes is the tallest member of the T-Birds roster, and it gives him a distinct advantage over hitters.

"The height gives me good leverage," Noyes said. "Also, because of my height I'm closer to the plate. It makes my velocity, which isn't outstanding, faster than someone who is five inches shorter than I am."

Mechanically, the coaches have tried not to change a lot about Noyes but rather trying to build his confidence.

"It's more confidence more than anything," Southern Utah pitching coach Ryan Fecteau said. "He had a lot of questions about his mechanics and his stuff. It was more confidence issue. He has the stuff to pitch at the next level. It's just going out there and trusting it."

Eldredge added that Noyes needed to make the transition from the walk-on mentality to a star player.

"When you walk-on to the program, you walk in with the mentality that you are a walk-on and you're the type of the guy fighting for innings," he said. "We need him to believe that he's one our stars and believe he can carry us."

Noyes said he is thankful for all the opportunities that Eldredge has given him, and wants to play professional baseball.

According to the coaching staff, Noyes pitching might not be out of the question and that the journey taking advantage of opportunities is not over for Noyes.

"I don't believe the journey is over (for Noyes)," Eldredge said. "I think Jacob has as good as a chance as anyone in our program to play pro ball."

As for the recognition of being Summit League Pitcher of the Week, Noyes said that it was a special time for him and his family further validating his hard work.

"I hadn't been honored in that way. It was neat for us as a family," Noyes said. "Cameron Nelson gave me the ball (from the 18-strikeout game) and I gave it to my mom. She did everything she could do to hold back from crying."

 

CEDAR CITY - When Southern Utah pitcher Jacob Noyes took to the mound in the ninth inning of a tied ball game against North Dakota State on April 12, he wasn't thinking about getting strikeouts.

He just wanted to keep the Bison from scoring a run. He got his first strikeout in the ninth.

Then he got another, and another. (I personally like to do lists of three, so I would have added another 'another').

They just kept falling, and at the end of the day, he had struck out 18 batters, a number that even shocked (You've got to use a different word, since shocked is your lead quote).Noyes himself.

(So, did this game go 15 innings or something? How did he enter in the ninth inning and strike out 18 batters? You have to explain that.)

"I was shocked. My mind set, at all times, is not to strike anyone out," Noyes said. "As a pitcher, I didn't want the strikeouts, but rather the ground outs and fly outs to save my arm. It just happened that day."

The performance earned Noyes Summit League Pitcher of the Week honors and a sore arm.

"The next day, I was really sore and tender," he said.

(You should have a different quote here. You've already established that he had a sore arm, so you don't need him to back it up. This is something you should never do. Don't use a quote to repeat what you already have in prose).

Noyes and the T-Birds have an opportunity to play for first place (Either they are playing for first place or they aren't.) against perennial conference favorite Oral Roberts today at 2 p.m. in the first of a four-game series.

"Everything goes through Oral Roberts," Southern Utah coach Dave Eldredge said.

(Sorry to harp on your quotes, but they are really lacking. What does this quote add to the story? Nothing. Make Eldredge tell you why everything goes through Oral Roberts. Make him tell you what they are good at this year and what kind of problems Southern Utah expects to face by playing Oral Roberts).

For Noyes, it's just another opportunity in a career filled with taking advantage of them.

It was just three years ago, that he was out of baseball and wondered if he would ever play another inning.

He wasn't highly recruited out of high school and took a small offer to play for a junior college in California, (Which junior college?)but left the team because it didn't suit his style.

When he heard about Southern Utah from a teammate during summer league, he pitched a bullpen (Need the word session here).for Eldredge.

Eldredge was impressed and invited him to try out for the team in the fall. When it was time to make cuts, Noyes was one of the players on the cusp of being cut. (Try to avoid using the same word twice in a sentence. Maybe end this one with something like "on the cusp of being let go" or something. Just not cut again).

"(Eldredge) brought me up and told me, 'I'm deciding if I should go with youth or experience,'" Noyes said. "He had two guys who played for him a year ago, and he wanted to see if they should be let go and he would keep some freshman (freshmen). One of them quit, so I, literally, came in as the last guy on the staff."

Eldredge saw a lot of potential in the Centerville, Utah native and had the tools to develop. (This sentence is missing a word or two).

"(We kept him primarily because of) his size and looseness of arm," Eldredge said. "We saw his size and looseness of his arm and gave him a chance."

(Both parts of this quote are the exact same thing. Either Eldredge is a really crappy interview subject or you're not asking the right questions. If Eldredge sucks at interviews, try talking to the catcher or the pitching coach).

At 6-foot-5-inches, Noyes is the tallest member of the T-Birds roster, and it gives him a distinct advantage over hitters.

"The height gives me good leverage," Noyes said. "Also, because of my height I'm closer to the plate. It makes my velocity, which isn't outstanding, faster than someone who is five inches shorter than I am."

Mechanically, the coaches have tried not to change a lot about Noyes but rather (are)trying to build his confidence.

"It's more confidence more than anything," Southern Utah pitching coach Ryan Fecteau said. "He had a lot of questions about his mechanics and his stuff. It was more (a) confidence issue. He has the stuff to pitch at the next level. It's just going out there and trusting it."

Eldredge added that Noyes needed to make the transition from the walk-on mentality to a star player.

"When you walk-on to the program, you walk in with the mentality that you are a walk-on and you're the type of the guy fighting for innings," he said. "We need him to believe that he's one (of) our stars and believe he can carry us."

Noyes said he is thankful for all the opportunities that Eldredge has given him, and wants to play professional baseball.

According to the coaching staff, Noyes pitching might not be out of the question and that the journey taking advantage of opportunities is not over for Noyes.

This paragraph is definitely missing some words and I'd be careful about using the same catchphrase - journey taking advantage of opportunities - too many times. It becomes repetitive)

"I don't believe the journey is over (for Noyes)," Eldredge said. "I think Jacob has as good as a chance as anyone in our program to play pro ball."

As for the recognition of being Summit League Pitcher of the Week, Noyes said that it was a special time for him and his family further validating his hard work.

"I hadn't been honored in that way. It was neat for us as a family," Noyes said. "Cameron Nelson gave me the ball (from the 18-strikeout game) and I gave it to my mom. She did everything she could do to hold back from crying."




----

I think this is a good start to a preview story, but you need to get better quotes and clean up your writing. There are too many typos and missing words that would drive me crazy as an editor.

Also, like you said you didn't have the records in there and you also never mentioned how many innings the 18-strikeout game was or what the score was. You've got to have those in there.

I hope that helps.

 

I was bored, so I looked it up.

The game went 17 innings and Southern Utah won 12-5.

That is crazy that the guy struck out 18 in relief and in 8 1/3 innings.

This could have been a bit more in depth as a feature. I think I would have just done a full-on feature on the guy and included all the background stuff and maybe tried to get a hold of the coach at the JC or someone from his high school just to get a little baseball background on him.

You could have just included a random paragraph in the middle saying, "Southern Utah and Noyes host first-place Oral Roberts starting at 2 p.m. in the first game of a four-game set."

Then you go right back into the feature.

Or you convince your boss to let you run a factbox with the story and not even mention Oral Roberts - unless you get a quote from the kid about getting to face the perennial conference leaders.

Also, the more I read your lead, the more I think you need to change it.

Get rid of the date. Hell, get rid of the team they were playing. It is way too long and clunky and doesn't bring the reader in.

Maybe change it to something like this:

"When Jacob Noyes took the mound in the ninth inning of a tied game the last thing he expected was to set a career-high in strikeouts.
On April 12 at North Dakota State, Noyes threw 8 1/3 innings of relief, striking out 18 batters to earn the victory.
The T-Birds won the game 12-5 and the performance earned Noyes the Summit League Pitcher of the Week honors as well as a sore arm."

--then you go to your lead quote--


OK, that sucks too, but you get my drift.

 

Not to derail the thread, but who is the bureau chief in Cedar City now? I know Rich Johnson left to take a job as an adviser at a college.

By the way, I interviewed in person for this gig in Feb. before rebelpaul got there. President's Day. Rich couldn't wait until late April to hire me.

 

The Bureau Chief is the former Op-Ed editor Jennifer Weaver.

Yeah, I got the job about a month after you interviewed. I started on March 17.

Thanks everyone for the advice.

I will take it into consideration.