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Awkward dates

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by cyclingwriter, Jun 27, 2013.

  1. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    I call bullshit.
     
  2. Riptide

    Riptide Well-Known Member

    I'm not about to make up stories for a fucking message board.
     
  3. Vombatus

    Vombatus Well-Known Member

    Apparently cornfields are safer.
     
  4. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    No. I meant you probably were screwing in bullshit.
     
  5. spikechiquet

    spikechiquet Well-Known Member

    Rips post jogged my memory of my most awkward sexual experience:
    A classmate invites me back to her place on a Wednesday night, after a few drinks I convince her I am awesome at backrubs.
    That leads to her being naked on her couch...just in time for her male roomie to come home (which only was awkward for her, but there's more). We move to her bedroom and after I help her find God for a few moments (or at least I figured she did, I mean I was spelling the alphabet and everything), I go in to play Capt. Stabbin'
    Shot down.
    Not even "just the tip, just to see what it feels like."
    She picks her knees up and wraps them around her chest and says: "I really hope we can just be friends."
    I stormed out of there all pissed off.
    I lament the experience to a fellow (male) classmate and he laughs and said the same shit happened to him with her...the previous Wednesday night!!!
    So yeah...we were literally and inch or two from being Eskimo Bros.
    Postscript to this story: She eventually married, then divorced one of my roommates. She went to my wedding 5 years later and we are facebook friends.
    2nd postscript: The male classmate and I ended up being Eskimo Bros. via another girl less than a year later (and after comparing stories, became such in less than 12 hours from each other). I guess we had the same tastes (pardon the pun).
     
  6. Vombatus

    Vombatus Well-Known Member

    BJ was probably out too, so why not ask to titfuck?
     
  7. GoochMan

    GoochMan Active Member

    That or an old fashioned. How unthoughtful of her!
     
  8. spikechiquet

    spikechiquet Well-Known Member

    I'm still curious as to how that didn't happen (a BJ).
    I'm almost curious enough to send her a message on facebook. I'm sure her new husband would LOVE to see that by accident! LOL
     
  9. Vombatus

    Vombatus Well-Known Member

    Been there, done that. Nothing like thinking someone's husband is going to hunt you down.

    But still, it is worth finding out an answer, so DO IT!

    (and tell us)
     
  10. schiezainc

    schiezainc Well-Known Member

    Oh, I think this thread was created just for me. :)
    I'll share a couple here because, well, I'm an over-sharer.

    First off, let me tell you about my first crush Jocelyn. We both had the exact same birthday, down to the year, and so, naturally, 13-year-old me thought it was fate that I was destined to be with this girl. Our first "date", if you can call it that, consisted of me practically beginning to take her to the movies. She wanted to see Titanic. I said "Fine with me," and we went. The only problem was that, the day of the "date", she told me her mom wouldn't let her go without her brothers and his friends.
    My first date turned into paying for a total of eight people to go see a movie and I didn't even end up sitting next to her.
    Burn.

    The next time I got to go on a "date" with her consisted of us going by ourselves (Thank God) to the local carnival. Well, I don't do so well on rides and we were on the "Sizzler" together when I felt nature hammering that point home. I excused myself, rushed to the portapotties and proceeded to burst from EVERY hole in my body. I literally opened the door and projectile vomited all over the ceiling of the stall and, like the boss I was at 13, took off my underwear, threw them in the trash and tried to go on like nothing happened.
    It was a little uncomfortable.

    Wrapping up my "relationship" with Jocelyn consisted of her never really wanting to talk to me again. I was fine with it. Apparently, though, my sister got word Jocelyn was (As my sister put it) "talking junk, yo" and decided to spark a giant fight with her and about 23 other people. Jocelyn ended up in the hospital. I never saw her again.

    That brings me to Miranda. I met this girl my first or second day in college and thought she was cool because, well, she talked to me. We went out a couple of times but strictly on a hang-out basis. The third time we were going to get together, she asked me if I wanted to hang out at her friend's house. I said "Sure, why not?" and we went. Come to find out, it was a male friend. She spent the whole time cracking jokes with the guy, which I thought nothing of, and then it got awkward. They started play-wrestling on the guy's couch... with me sitting right next to them.
    They did this for an hour.
    The next time I saw her, she told me she and her friend were dating but that I was a really "nice guy."
    Needless to say, I never said yes to a request to "hang" out with a girl's guy friend again.

    Next up was Crystal, someone who is still a near and dear friend to me. My sophomore year in college, I met her at the place I was working and we had developed a really cool friendship but I, of course, wanted more and she seemed receptive to it. We hung out a ton together, talked for hours almost every night but I was always too nervous to make a move.
    And when I did it went awfully.
    At the end of one night, I went to give her a kiss goodnight and slammed headfirst into her forehead. Another time, when we were watching the movie "A Walk to Remember," on a big couch, I decided to play it smooth and opened my arms and said (And I quote) "What are you waiting for?"
    It went over like a fart at a funeral, simply because it was extremely awkward.
    I recently had lunch with her and asked her if I ever had a shot with her and she said I did but, because I was too shy and timid, she never thought I was serious.
    Fail.

    Then there was Ashley. Also a coworker. Also during my college years. I was crushing on Ashley hard and would have done anything for this girl. To the point that I went with her dad and brother and waited in the waiting room for three hours when she was having a surgery. My reward was a group trip to see the Notebook where she proceeded to sit between me and another guy and put her head on his shoulders for the whole movie because she had a crush on him.

    Thankfully, I'm married now but, man, awkward moments are the worst and I've had more than my share of them.
     
  11. steveu

    steveu Well-Known Member

    So you're the one who killed that waiter they found one day at the bottom of the river... ;)
     
  12. Rawbot

    Rawbot Member

    After two or three dates, I offered to take a cute girl I was seeing to a really fancy restaurant about 45 minutes north of the city I'm living in now. We get wine, really expensive entrees and order separate desserts so each of us can try both. At the end of the meal, I reach for my wallet in my back-right pocket ... and it wasn't there. I quickly excused myself and rushed out to see if it had somehow slipped out in my truck ... and it hadn't. All I could find was my checkbook, which is practically useless without my ID.

    Went back in, tell the girl what's going on and she didn't seem to mind one bit — even though I was mortified. She used her credit card, and I gave her a check for the full amount. Not ideal, but hey, I still paid for it, which was my plan all along.

    Wish that was the end of the story, but it's not. We hop in our separate cars, and my attention is immediately brought back to my near-empty gas tank. I had noticed it when I pulled up, but I figured it could wait until after the meal. I still thought that was an option for a split second ... until I realized all I had was my checkbook. Stopped at three gas stations, made sure none accepted checks and finally laid down $3.75 worth of quarters down on the counter. Got me slightly less than a gallon at the time.

    I know what you're thinking — why not call your date and ask for her help? I couldn't even fathom the idea after the snafu at the restaurant.

    Next stop was Walmart, hoping to write a check $20 over and be on my merry way. I set down some orange Tic Tacs, explain my situation to the cashier and hand over the check ... only for her to ask for my driver's license. D'oh. Of course she'd need that. I say, "Thanks anyway," and walk away all embarrassed, only for the guy behind me in line to say, "Dude, if all you need are some Tic Tacs, I'll get them for you."

    Like any rational adult would do, I hopped on the interstate and thought driving toward home 20 miles per hour under the speed limit might help me make it all the way. Five miles in, I gave up on that plan and chose to pull up to a gas station. Decked out in dress shirt, dress slacks and a sport jacket, I walked up to a guy at a pump and said, "I know this is going to sound crazy, but..." He asked me to get to the point quicker but still wound up giving me $5 (I wrote him a check for $10 to thank him for his blind generosity). About 30 minutes later, I coasted into my apartment complex nearly on E again. Found my wallet sitting in my pants from the day before and filled up the next morning on my way to work.

    Oddly enough, that girl and I dated for about another three months. Never teased me about the incident or anything. I've enjoyed telling the whole story to my co-workers and family, though.
     
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